Rat-a-tat-tat

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 4 Vol 5

Important Holidays: Tom’s Birthday

Weather:  If you, like the editor’s radio 95.7, get so excited about spring that you wet your plants, perhaps you need a distraction. As the rain will be doing all of the plant wetting for you this weekend, it’s time for some spring cleaning of your inbox. Take care of all of that un-replied-to business.  

Urbandictionary word of the day: Readecessor

The predecessor of a book; one who has read or owned a book before you.

Barson: The readecessor of this book was nasty. There’s coffee all over it, I can’t even read some of the pages. I need to return it to the library.

BK: Don’t worry – in the last chapter the hero –

Barson: Don’t spoil it, readecessor! I’m going to pick up another copy.

Song of the Week: ZZ Top, My Head’s in Mississippi

Notable Accomplishments:  Alex is the new assistant soccer coach! Carinne finally made it to see DC’s cherry blossom festival. Carinne is three miles away from running 100 miles total in March.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    You’re out, relaxing. Sitting at a bar, café, whatever is your fancy. The news comes on and you see each of the mega millions balls pulled – in succession – to match exactly what it reads on your lottery ticket.

You kind of chuckle to yourself. You decide to keep quiet about it for a second, and to order a celebratory something to sit and commemorate this moment in solitude. What do you order? We’re not talking like you order a jet plane on ebay; we’re talking, something you order from the place you’re at. Such as a Brooklyn Brewery Lager. Or a Panera Cinnamon Scone. Etc.

FWN Member of the Week: Tom!

Tom did not respond to the questionnaire! Better luck next time!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Kindly remember your FWN editor has student loans when you win the mega millions lottery tonight!  

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

marcho. polo.

Official Editor

Burgers & Fryday

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 3 Vol 5

Important Holidays: AL’s birthday

Weather:  Scientists are experimenting to see what has a stronger impact on the body: green beer or green crayons. In other news, AJ’s grass is green, and Carinne’s skeyes are blue.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Fartriloquism

The art of producing a fart in such a way that it sounds like it comes from another source.

BK: Nate! Stop blowing up the place!

Nate: But – It wasn-

BK: None of your excuses! To your room!

Nate (as he’s passing RE Jr): Your fartriloquism got me grounded.

Song of the Week: Prince, 1999

Notable Accomplishments:  AK & RE Jr & BK saw some nice Penguins hockey action this week. Allie, AK, & CP survived the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. BK and Heather hosted a great jeans party. NC has officially decided to attend University. The flowers at the LV Parks’ house are blooming profusely and the party deck is officially opened for the season. AK requests to henceforth be only known as Slash. CP and AK got first place in all three games of trivia they played (100% success rate). All march madness brackets are doing poorly at this point. Multiple warmest weather records have been broken and several people at CP’s work have turned the AC on in their homes.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    So, previously on HSOTW, you either didn’t watch the briefcase or you did. So on that theme, let’s say you encounter a box, any sort of box, anywhere in the world. It says “Pandora’s” on it. Do you open it? And ladies, it is NOT the jewelery chain. So don’t play that card.  

FWN Member of the Week: AL!

The kitchen utensil that best describes AL’s personality is a whisk, although AL notes this does not describe her personality but instead her shape. The US city she’s never been to but would like to visit is Maui – although judges’ ruling, this is disqualified, as Maui is an island not a city. She was named Diana Lynne after an actress, but since people had problems differentiating between her mother’s name (Deanna) and Diana, she goes by Lynne.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

marcho. polo.

Official Editor

make sure your fake tattoo artist is a certified professional

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 2 Vol 5

Important Holidays: St. Patrick’s Day

Weather:  What luck! After a really awkward thumb-wrestling match, the Irish have beat the Mexicans and acquired a weather trade. So your St. Patrick’s Day will be May-like. But come Cinco de Mayo, no one wants to hear none o’ your whining when it’s windy and cold. 

Urbandictionary word of the day: Irish Goodbye

To leave or back out of a social situation without saying goodbye.

NC: So here’s another one. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?

NC: No one? No one?

NC: A LEPER CON! Ha ha ha.

NC: What where did everyone go? No farewell? Darn Irish goodbyes. These were good jokes, too.

Song of the Week: Thin Lizzy, Whiskey in the Jar

Notable Accomplishments:  Lexy’s cheer squad was invited to visit the state capital to be recognized by the legislature due to their championship successes. There will be a media session and they will be recognized in the senate gallery. UM & RE Jr survived the Puerto Rico trip; each had new highs in number of cigars they had in one day (UM = 14, REP Jr = 13). They also got kicked out of their first hotel. AJ survived her Georgia trip.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Yeh are playin at the casino, ye ar. It’s all down to this – yer bettin’ the farm and the whole crop o potatoes. Thankfully, ye brought yer Irish Good Luck charm. Wot is it?

a)   -a) A rather oversized sombrero

b)   b) Your one eyed crow, which oddly stays put on your shoulder and can speak small phrases like a parrot

c)   c) A peach pit

d)   d) It’s not a luck charm per se, but instead the fact that you’re only wearing one sock, your left sock. 

FWN Member of the Week: McGreggy O’Greggy!

Mr. McGreggy O’Greggy did not respond to the questionnaire. Better luck next time!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada   

Look for more next time,

McCarinne O’

The golden keg of Bud Light under the Rainbow

Official Editor

VIP: Very Important

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 1 Vol 5

The annual anniversary newsletter edition! Vol 5! Cheers everyone to all of the weekly nonsense!

Important Holidays (by MM): March 9th is Panic Day and it is also National Bubble Week. So we should get some bubble wrap and punch out the bubbles to relieve us from our panic.

Weather:  The radar shows a very lengthy newsletter in your future.

Special Video Game Section (brought to you by Nate): We have a countdown of the bestselling and most popular video games of the century here on this newsletter! This countdown will recognize and honor the best of the best and will be highly recommended.

Starting off the countdown is in fact Pokemon Yellow! This traditional game was created before the 21^st century and allows people to use animal violence to win. Never fear, this is a family-oriented game to protect the squeamish, as pokemon can only faint. Even if a level 1 brid is engulfed in a blazing fire from level 100 charazard, he will live another day.

The second game goes to a classic, Bubble Bobble! The point of the game is still unknown but scientists are researching it for a more clear object of the game.

Third place goes to an addicting game called Smooth Moves with a host of Wario. The object is to do anything and everything with a Wii remote; possibilities are endless with this game. Recommended to play Feline Fever for you hippies out there.

Just behind the top 3 is Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3. Play the role of war heroes to stop terrorists and WWIII from erupting. This game is Chuck Norris approved.

Nipping at the heels of number four goes to the fifth and final thrilling game of the century, Toejam and Earl! Don’t let the name fool you, they are harmless aliens that crashed their ship, and need to repair it to continue driving pointlessly. This game does not come included with a save button so if you want to beat it, dedicate a good seven hours of nonstop action. One mistake and a random man with a lawnmower or the boogeyman will get you.

Best of luck!

Urbandictionary word of the day (by AL): Get a Kennel 

A nice way to tell someone that their incessant display of affection for their dog is causing you embarrassment as one who is forced to watch such a display.

AL;  Mom, just get a kennel already

MM:  But Sasha is so cute and cuddly she's hard to resist lovin' on her!

Song of the Week (by Tom): Boondocks, Little Big Tow

Special Wine Section (by BK): Wine should be a staple in all households. A wine fridge of white is especially delightful in the summer months, while the reds are quite nice to take the chill out of a cold winter. Beer fridges should always be kept in the garage or by a hot tub for easy access. Be it cans or bottles there are a wide variety of beers available to please everyone’s palate. Cheers!

Notable Accomplishments (by AK):  Tim and Nicole were in Denver last week and met a plethora of Penguins, including Sidney Crosby.  Also, were Jeffrey, Dupuis, Neal and Coach Bylsma.‪ Heather had an interview this morning thought it went very well! Marco and Heather cleaned their vehicles, inside and out. Heather managed to make it a whole day without playing Angry Birds or Words with Friends. MM started back at the gym after a 3.5 year hiatus.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    Hypothetically speaking your last name is Park. You old prankster you, you decide to have offspring, but give it a name that is, well, kind of a joke, such as something famous etc. What do you name your child?

For example: Car-in-Park named her son Jurassic.

FWN Member of the Week: Nada!

The MOTW office is closed in celebration of the anniversary edition. Cheers to yourself!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: RSVP for BK’s Jeans Party on March 17^th!

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

marcho. polo.

Official Editor 

I threw out my leaping leg on leap day.

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 51 Vol 4

Important Holidays: None

Weather:  The stars have aligned and the humidity is spot-on for your quest for the grail to begin. Go, go - you only have one week (give or take a few hours) until a new weather forecast will thwart your destiny.  

Urbandictionary word of the day: Fashionmista

The male version of the fashionista.

UM will never qualify as a fashionmista so long as the reversible belt lives in his closet.

Song of the Week: The Killing Moon, Echo & The Bunnymen

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne and Allie survived the Virginia Wine Festival. Cam is now on spring break. Carinne ate kangaroo and had a very successful leap day Brooklyn Beer Dinner.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    A stranger walks up to you and offers you a grand, cash, if you keep an eye on his briefcase for ten, maybe fifteen minutes. They don’t show you what’s inside. Do you do it?

If yes, while they’re away, do you open it?

FWN Member of the Week: CJ!

Calculus based Physics 2 was the first class Cam took today. The kitchen utensil that best describes his personality would be ‘a fork’, and the US city Cam has never been to and would most like to go to is San Francisco. Cam can hold his breath for approximately 1 minute.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: RSVP for BK’s Jeans Party on March 17^th!

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

marcho. polo.

Official Editor