Pretty Fades but Fly is Forever

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 12 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Memorial Day

Weather:  The holiday weekend is known for picnics, laziness, and too much free time that allows boredom to induce bad ideas. Examples: 40 year old dudes doing cartwheels, dogs running around with firecrackers, and the opening season of the “real Jersey shore”. Beware of these crazies or you may catch yourself a girl using a bump-it.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Intexticated

Driving under the influence of texting.

Driving while intexticated is illegal in NJ. Fines upward of $150 are incurred if caught.

Song of the Week: Bad Company, Bad Company

Notable Accomplishments:  Wine festival 2010 was a raging success although UM did get Jonaid to imbibe in a cigar; Wine Festival 2010 continues as Bev and Ron head to CA next week. Cam has prom tonight.  Aunt Lynne passed the test to administer antibiotics. Alex safely made it to Virginia.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Hooray for mad libs! No cheating!

a) Adjective or a state of being (example, broken, green)

b) An action

Ready? Here you go

If it ain’t (adjective) don’t (action) it.

FWN Member of the Week: Tim!

For a healthy start to his day, Tim had brown sugar and cinnamon poptart (an editor favorite. The fiber ones are good too!). His middle name is Andrew. When he cleans his hair, his shampoo is best described as providing "a classic clean that sometimes will leave an ice shine.  Of course, it is the 2-1 shampoo with conditioner to save those precious moments in the morning for sleep." Given the "extra finger vs extra toe" question, he chooses the extra finger, explainine, "Aside from the bonus usage, it would prevent me from needing to buy weird fitting shoes."

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Does anyone realize there’s a Jersey Shore, PA? Who wants to do a spin off?!?! Casting call!!!

Look for more next time,

C. Paige 

Breakfast Elitist

Official Editor

Waffle Snob

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 11 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:  At some point you'll click "reply all" and then your inbox will be flooded with "out of office memos". You feel popular for about ten seconds when you think you have 10 new messages of legitimate mail but then you realize it's just junk.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Tagger

The southern NJ way of saying “Tiger”. It is in the same line of dialect as “wooder” and frequent use of the word “yo”.

Carinne: (at Oakmont) Tagger! Tagger! Yo Tagger! Have some wooder!

Alex: Tiger! Tiger Woods! Give me an autograph!

Song of the Week (brought to you by RE Jr): U2, Angel of Harlem

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne and Liz were team Mexico in beer Olympics, taking a gold in Flip Cup and a silver in chugging. Alex and RE Jr survived DC. AL saw a Pirates game at Wrigley Field. Carinne has been accepted into a members only breakfast club. For a meager ticket price of $125, Mark, RE Jr, and MJ got over $600 worth of goods at Cigar Fest. Nate played the Tuba in the band concert. Nicole and Tim are in a scavenger hunt for a $15,000 ring. The Del Sol is at the doctor’s – send get well cards.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Nabisco is creating a line of hair dyes and is going to create a color to mimic yours. Being a food company, they want to relate the color to a food. What do you name your shade? Ex, popcorn butter blonde. Doity Joisey Water Brunette.

FWN Member of the Week: Tom!

If you see Tom in his dream car, he'll be cruising in a 1970 rt challenger in plum crazy purple. The last time he showered was yesterday. Lunch today was a turkey sandwich and yogurt. Lastly, if Jerry Springer and Maury got into a fight, his money would be on JS because he has bodyguards. 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Wine-os unite!

Look for more next time,

C. Paige 

Breakfast Elitist

Official Editor

Me Gusta Salsa--The Food and the Dance

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 10 Vol 3

Note: excuse the ghettoness (no pretty colored words, folks!) and welcome the new guest editor-Barson! She apologizes its not pretty, its on her phone cause she's having a drafternoon and has no access to a computer...not that her email is any better. Your regularly scheduled editor will be back next week!

Important holidays (brought to you by BK): May 14: National Dance Like a Chicken Day, May 15: National Chocolate Chip Day, May 16: Wear Purple for Peace Day, May 17: National Pack Rat Day, May 18: International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day, May 19: Frog Jumping Jubilee Day, May 20: Eliza Doolittle Day, May 21: National Memo Day and National Waitress/Waiter Day

Weather: The projected yard work from last week was delayed, and this weekends sunny weather means only one thing! Its raining yard work! So kiddos, grab your shovels and deck-staining paint brushes, this one'll be a doosy!

Word of the Week (brought to you by RE): alcohordination
Poor coordination caused by alcohol consumption.

Alex txting Carinne (sorry, no italics either): Fifferrererer! I've had ONE beer!
Carinne: Seriously, work on your alcohordination. Need I say more?

Song of the Week (brought to you by Deighton): Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkle

Notable Accomplishments: For the first time ever, zero yard work was done on Mothers Day, a new leather couch currently resides in 103's living room and Lana is sad pants from not being allowed on it, Alex survived her first day of jury duty without being picked, Alex also passed all her classes with another 4.0 and she has finally accepted the title of nerd city.

Hypothetical Situation: You are a new actor trying to break into the business. Like so many struggling actors before you, you think your big break is coming when you score a lead in a low budget horror flick (think Jennifer Aniston in "The Leprochaun". Never heard of it? Wonder why.). This movie will invariably end up as a straight-to-video bomb, but you don't know that. What is the title of the movie you star in? Bonus points if you supply a brief plot summary.

FWN Member of the Week: Lana!
Lana is soo sad because nobody plays with her and quite possibly has had the worst week of her life because she is banned from cars (her window-breaking stunts), AND the couch (new leather), AND the deck (staining festivities soon to start). Also, she currently is in her cage and she doesn't know why. Her favorite time of day is whenever everyone is petting her. Or dinnertime.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Anyone willing to donate computer help would be appreciated because the guest editor's computer is circling the drain and is so slow and she doesn't know how to fix it.

Look for more next time,

Barson
The Original Fifferrererer

Special Guest Editor of the Week

Sippin' Warm Coors Light

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 9 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Mama’s Day

Weather:  Accuweather Radar offers a 100% chance of gardening, dusting, and vacuuming at LV this Sunday. Everywhere else in the world is questionable.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Unsult

An insult disguised as a compliment.

Alex: Carinne, your natural body odor is quite… perceptible today.

Carinne (not catching the unsult): I know! It’s great!

Song of the Week (brought to you by barson): The Mighty Guins by Kardaz

Notable Accomplishments:  The move to Carinne’s new place was a raging success. Carinne was also flagged as “new in town” and got free bowling passes and a free oil change coupon. Lana broke the window to the Honda; she is now working on the streetcorners to pay off that bill.  Cam started guitar lessons. Alex finished her junior year of college.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   So there's a FWN potluck/tailgate prior to a 20-nothing Pirates game. Whatcha bringin? Assume there are plugs if you need it (crock pot, etc).

FWN Member of the Week: Carinne’s Nissan Altima!

Carinne’s Nissan Altima’s favorite color is black. It currently has three rock stations on pre-set, two pop stations, and one classical station. It enjoys putting the sunroof down and letting its hair blow in the wind. Lastly, it is allergic to cats.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Now taking sign-ups for a safari to collect coyote urine.  

Look for more next time,

C. Paige 

I might need a night light.

Official Editor