How do Ramen Noodle companies produce a profit?

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 16 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Gina Birthday, Tracy Birthday

Weather:  The FWN weather department hereby suggests you embark on that journey to live on spongecake and watch the sun bake that you have dreamed about for so long. Next week is a great one for you to be a tourist all covered in oil. Literally, I guess, if you hit up the gulf coast.

Urbandictionary word of the day (brought to you by MA, BK, and RE Jr):  yiddishiot

An idiot when it comes to Yiddish.

Mark (raising his wine glass to Bev): L’chaim!

Ron: If you ever swear at my wife again like that, I’ll hurt you.

Mark: It means, “To life”, as a cheers, you yiddishiot.

Song of the Week: Aloe Blacc, I Need a Dollar

Notable Accomplishments: Nate got his license! Please send get well cards to Tom. Lexy survived cheer camp. UM got a new crackberry.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   What video game would you like to compete in, in real life? I’m not talking you sitting around with a game controller beating other people, I’m talking, you ARE Pac-man (Ms Pac Man?) and trying to eat as many pills as you can, all the while being chased by brightly colored ghosts.

For example: The editor picks Bubble Bobble (an original Nintendo game) with Barson. I can already hear the screaming as we run away from scary shark.  And the mushrooms are worth more points than the diamonds.

FWN Member of the Week: Tracy!

The only childhood birthday party Tracy remembers was her sixteenth where she had a bash with her friends. She takes her coffee with lots of milk and cream. Her first ride was a Dodge Sundance, and her favorite class in High School was Spanish.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: FWN book club?

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Countess de la Riffraff

Official Editor

cadillac ranch

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 15 Vol 3

Important Holidays: First Day of Summer

Weather:  Headaches will ensue from one of two sources: professional soccer playing wannabes working on their headball, or too much booze. Pick your poison because it’s bound to occur one way or the other.    

Urbandictionary word of the day:  bored to debt

Spending money just to escape boredom.

AL: Look at this brand new statue of Thomas Edison I purchased! It is life size for our front yard!

Tom: What the…?

AL: And I bought him six new outfits so he can dress appropriately for the weather!

Tom: Lynne….

AL: I hear there’s a sale at Kohl’s on Santa Hats! I better go get his xmas outfit!

Tom: Ok, now you’re just bored to debt. I’m sure we have a lawn that needs mowed, or something…

Song of the Week: Usher, Little Freak

Notable Accomplishments: Tom is out of the hospital. Liz got straight A’s in law school. Cam and Nate beat Carinne and Jonaid in beer pong. Alex survived a history nerd party. UM/T survived OBX. Tracy has officially been flagged as “updates facebook too much” by the official “facebook update too much committee” of UM.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   You are genetically similar to Edward Scissorhands except it’s only one hand. Pick the item (i.e., scissor) that your other hand is.  

FWN Member of the Week: Gina!

If Gina were stranded on a desert island with an electrical outlet, she’d bring a coffee maker. Her favorite ride at Kennywood is the Thunderbolt. This morning for breakfast she had coffee and Canadian Bacon. Her computer background is currently a picture of her dachshund-beagle mix, Bo.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada  

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Do not snort the wasabi.

Official Editor

To err is human; to arr is pirate

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 14 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Flag Day, Lana Birthday, Pittsburgh Arts Festival

Weather:  Don’t Panic.   

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Inverse Midas

The effect of turning everything into sh!t; the opposite of the midas touch. To fail, blunder, make a snafu, etc.

Literally your intestines have the inverse midas touch.

When cam and nate play beer pong, they have the inverse midas touch.

Song of the Week: The Impression that I get, Mighty Mighty Bosstones

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam graduates from college tonight. RE Jr got a biology lecture while at the bar. Lexy survived a jellyfish attack.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Let’s do another Mad Lib. Sorry all, busy day at work and I only have time for lame questions today. And they make me laugh, quite frankly.

Rules refresher: BEFORE reading below, think of / write down three things that fulfill the following categories. After you’ve done that, fill in the blanks below with your answers.

a)      FWN member

b)      Location

c)      Object

Ready?

Suddenly, you leap to your feet, full of pride. “I have solved the game CLUE!” you exclaim.

“It was, (FWN member) in the (location) with the (object!).”

FWN Member of the Week: Marco!

Marco’s middle name is Nazareno. Dinner last night was a “dinner of champions” as it was a frozen pizza from Giant Eagle. If he were to play any professional sport it would be NHL hockey. Given the option of being on The Daily Show or the Colbert Report, he’d be on the Daily Show.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada  

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Do not snort the wasabi.

Official Editor

stress incontinence

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 13 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Pap Birthday

Weather:  Cheers, cheers for old high! You bring the whiskey, I’ll bring the wine! Send some Freshmen out for Gin and don’t let the sober sophomores in. Juniors never stagger, Seniors never fall!

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Football Minute

When someone asks for a minute to do something, even though they know it will take much longer than 60 seconds.

Barson: I’ll be ready in a minute!

Ron (to Greggy, as he is waiting): Want a cold one? It’s a football minute.

Song of the Week: Major Tom, Shiny Toy Guns

Notable Accomplishments:  Bev and Ron are tearing up wine country. Well wishes to Tom who is in the hospital. UM/T/Lexy & the Real Housewives of Hanover are heading on vacation this week. Nicole is headed to Put in Bay.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Which family would you choose to be a part of?

a)      The Jetsons (JFWN?)

b)      The Flintstones (FFWN?)

c)      The Griffins (GFWN?)

d)      The Simpsons (SFWN?)

e)       The Eric Cartman family?

FWN Member of the Week: Nate C.!

Nate didn’t respond to the newsletter questionnaire… Newsletter texts… Newsletter facebook (jk)... So he is an enigma. Yay nate

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: It’s been six years since CP’s HS graduation.  

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Breakfast Elitist

Official Editor