Whispering Eye

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 6 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Arbor Day

Weather: Mother Nature is on Vaca due to Arbor Day. It’s mystery weather all week, bummer.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Herf

A lively gathering of cigar-smoking comrades who meet in a restaurant, club, cigar store or home to share their appreciation of fine cigars.

Ron’s Herf Club, fun facts

Est: 2009

Underground name: “Too Much Smoky Smoky Drinky Drinky Little Doggies” club

Handshake/Phrase: Instead of the split fingers and “Live Long and Prosper” phrase, the hand symbol mimics how a hand looks when you have a cigar in it, and you say, “Smoke Long and Exhale”.

Current Member Count (approximation): Humans Living in Lana’s Cage < Herf Club Membership < BFRO Membership

Fun Fact: Herf is not in Microsoft Office Spell Check

Song of the Week: Heart, Crazy On You

Notable Accomplishments: Greggy is now a member of the FWN! Welcome aboard. Uncle Michael survived an earthquake in Cali (he was on the 10^th floor and it was a 3.8 on the richter scale). He also scored tickets to the Ducks/Sharks playoff game last night. Alex’s sorority won best sorority on campus (2^nd year in a row!) and also has the highest GPA. Poppy has had recent success at PT, largely due to the efforts put in at home. Keep up the good work! Ron Jr had a successful Herf party that included over 20 people. On Saturday, Nicole is having her first golf outing (also participating: Cam, Nate, Ron Jr) to benefit the National Stroke Association. Be sure to wear sunscreen!

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: (This HSOTW is a bit different; it is best fitted under an advice column. However, due to the length of this issue, it will be this week’s HSOTW. It is based on a real life situation of a FWN recipient. In order to keep the peace, the name of the FWN member who this affects is kept anonymous.)

You’re growing a playoff beard. However, next week, you’re interviewing for a job that is two levels higher than yours. How do you maintain loyalty to your team?

To put it in terms for the females who may not be as into sports: Ladies, you’re growing playoff leghair (Stop cringing, work with me here). Basically you get a $1000 shopping spree if you don’t shave your legs. You’re interviewing for a job that is two levels higher than yours (this job just-so-happens to be as head lifeguard. Your interview attire is a bikini, so no pants cover-up). What do you do?

FWN Member of the Week: Nateraide!

When Nate eats eggs for breakfast, he has them sunny side up with toast. His favorite class in school is band "by a long shot" and his dream vacation would be London, England (as opposed to London, WV or London, KY) or the Bahamas. If he was a professional baseball player, he would "obviously" play for the Pirates.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: herf herf herf

(sorry, here at the FWN, we’ve had problems with spam lately) herf herf

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Spring

Official Editor

I Eloped With Elvis

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 5 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Darlene’s Birthday, Earth Day, Administrative Professional’s Week

Weather: Dust off those ole kneecaps all, the forecast for this week is sunshine and a lot of it. So pick your poison: being in a world of hurt from too much exercise or being in a world of hurt from too much wine on the deck. If you’re C, take extra precautions because you’re about to get slammed with both.

Urbandictionary word of the day: lol theory

The theory that the internet phrase lol, meaning "laugh out loud", can be placed at any part in any sentence and make said sentence lose all credibilty and seriousness.

Doc: We need to operate on your liver lol, you have cancer.

Bev: Alex, I need you to cut carrots for the salad.

Alex: Can’t. I cut my finger off while cutting carrots, lol.

The Rooneys: Lol, we think the Pirates are the best team in the league.

Song of the Week: Depeche Mode, Personal Jesus

Notable Accomplishments: Alex made an interception at her powderpuff football game! Cam and Nate won sibling Olympics, but all of the Olympic games were not able to be completed due to weather complications. Carinne successfully home made an apple pie. MM has won recent scrabble games against Carinne.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: This one was inspired by a “would you rather” asked by Chloe’s mom: (MILF) (JK Chloe) (Not JK to everyone else) (JK)

Wood yew ratha: Have hair made out of spaghetti, play doh, or dental floss?

FWN Member of the Week: Darlene!

Darlene’s high school mascot was a Titan. Her favorite letter of the alphabet is M. She showered this morning, and she takes her coffee with milk.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Aunt Jul is doing the march of dimes. This, if you don't know, is a charity to fund research to prevent infant mortality by premature birth, low birthweight, and other birth defects. Aunt Jul is doing several marches and hikes to raise money for this cause; which is impressive due to her typical sedentary state. This walk takes place on April 26; the day before her husband's 45th birthday (and she hopes the walk doesn't make her husband a widower).  There is no minimum donation. She is also selling chocolate bars and blue jeans in an effort to raise funds. I will request her to keep us updated on events that can be attended to support this (I believe there was a bake sale, hopefully there will be others that can be attended).

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Spring

Official Editor

E Pluribus Malkin

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 4 Vol 2

Special Early Edition due to holiday traveling

A moment of silence in honor of the fallen Pittsburgh Police officers.

Important Holidays: Good Friday, Easter, Ronno Junioro’s Birthday

Weather: New Jersey has a hurricane of hurt coming as a drunken invasion will blindside the western side of the state. Nationwide, beware of a widespread dyed egg assault.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Drunkloading (although the editor coined the phrase and decided to make this a word of the week, this was inspired by a true life experience of the editor’s friend Angela)

Being drunk and downloading lots of ridiculous and/or obscure songs on iTunes that you may, in reality, not actually enjoy, nor may not serve any purpose.

Drunk dialing /texting is for amateurs. Try drunk shopping on iTunes.

Nate tries to cover up his Britney Spears obsession by claiming he acquired all 48 songs on his playlist by drunkloading.

Song of the Week: Ode to Joy, Various Churches

Notable Accomplishments: Lexy is an All-American Cheerleader and will be performing at the halftime of the Pro Bowl in Miami next year and in Hawaii in 2011. Very exciting!!! Cam mastered the stick shift. Cam also lettered in swimming. Ron is the new swim booster (parents association) president. Tom won $50 on a lottery ticket he received for his birthday.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: It’s time for another celebrity deathmatch. Who do you place your bets on? Easter Bunny vs Cupid.

FWN Member of the Week: Ron “Eugie” Jr!

When Ron was growing up, he had a poster of Farah Fawcett on his wall. If he could be bilingual, he would want to know Spanish for when he “buys a Mexican restaurant” (Carinne can offer free lessons! Taco! Dang Quesadilla! Burrito! Margarita!). The most recent television program he watched was Good Morning America. His shoe size is 12.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Aunt Jul is doing the march of dimes. This, if you don't know, is a charity to fund research to prevent infant mortality by premature birth, low birthweight, and other birth defects. Aunt Jul is doing several marches and hikes to raise money for this cause; which is impressive due to her typical sedentary state. This walk takes place on April 26; the day before her husband's 45th birthday (and she hopes the walk doesn't make her husband a widower). There is no minimum donation. She is also selling chocolate bars and blue jeans in an effort to raise funds. I will request her to keep us updated on events that can be attended to support this (I believe there was a bake sale, hopefully there will be others that can be attended).

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Spring

Official Editor

Leftover green beans are multiplying and invading my house

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 3 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Tom’s Birthday, Palm Sunday, First day of Passover

Weather: April showers bring May flowers. And May flowers are great, as long as they are not anything that will prevent you from passing a drug test upon digestion. So be careful.

Urbandictionary word of the day: recessionitis

The new excuse to not do anything. This is the act of excluding yourself from social activities because you simply can't afford it.

Carinne: Let’s go get smiley cookies!

Alex: No can do. Recessionitis, no monay.

Carinne: They're like ninety cents. Now you're just being cheap.

Song of the Week: Seether, Careless Whisper (yes, it’s a cover)

Notable Accomplishments: Cam got asked to prom, again. Scrabble matches on Facebook have gotten intense and almost deadly. FWN welcomes new members Darlene/Barry and Brian!

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Fill in the blank to re-create this metaphor (the original is: some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield):

some days you're the (blank), some days you're the (blank)

Ed. answer: Some days you're the school bus, some days you're the guy behind it (guess who was late for work this AM???)

Ed. answer #2: Some days you’re the daiquiri, some days you’re the blender.

FWN Member of the Week: Tom!!!

The current color of Tom’s shirt is gold. His shampoo is best described as “brown and in a plastic bottle” (I really hope he’s not using that squeeze bacon for his hair). His favorite season is summer and his first vehicle was a 1972 Plymouth Roadrunner.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Spring

Official Editor 

Special Holiday Edition

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 2.5 Vol 3

April Fools.