Friday, April 30, 2010

Old Guys Gone Wild

Family Weekly Newsletter
Issue 8 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Cinco de Mayo

Weather:  The editor spent more money in three days than she spends in an entire year. Cutbacks at the FWN are happening; we sorrowfully report that this week’s weather section is currently being re-evaluated. We hope to get some pro-bono weather people here soon; look for it next week.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Child Supervision

When someone younger than you (ie, your child) shows you how to use a new piece of technology. You undergo a “training period” where you receive supervision while operating this item.

The RE Jr technology support line is Carinne’s cell phone number. This number provides a variety of Child Supervision services, including iTunes setup, iPod support, computer support, photo uploading support, and many more.

Song of the Week: The Zombies, Time of the Season

Cigar of the Week (brought to you by MA) El Mejor (el ma-hor)-- blond colored Nicaraguan wrapper is prettier than slim shady and covers a rich blend of Nicaraguan tobacco. Cigar is medium bodied with pleasant flavors and aromas of cedar and has a creamy buttery texture to the smoke. Cugar is packed with an uncircumcised shaggy foot (the end you light) and a cedar sleve. At less than $3 a stick it is a huge value and taste like cigars costing way more.

Wine of the Week (Brought to you by CP’s budget):  Franzia, Sunset Blush. Perfect if you’re looking for “quantity” over “quality”.

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne got a new car and a new apartment and a new job, all in April. It’s been an epic month. Bev got a Turkey in bowling. Tracy and Lexy will enjoy a nice weekend in NYC; Michael & Ron Jr & Mark will enjoy a nice weekend at Cigar Fest; Bev & Cam & Nate will enjoy a nice weekend in NJ.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Celebrity Deathmatch.

Tweety Bird v. Tinkerbell

FWN Member of the Week (brought to you by AL)Carinne!

Carinne had a big week to cap off a big month with the purchase of a new 2009 Nissan Altima and moving (Sat.) to a new abode in addition to her new job that she started this month.  Her first purchase for the car was a cable to plug her iPod into the car’s MP3 hook up.  She will miss the on-site laundry the most when she moves but is more excited about having an apartment all by herself. Of course, she will be doing her laundry by banging her clothes against the rocks in the neighboring creek.  And last but not least, her favorite treat at Rita’s is the strawberry or strawberry margarita Gelati.  Congratulations Carinne and good luck on the move this weekend!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Editor has a new address. Feel free to write love letters.

Look for more next time,

Pink Caddy (CP in reverse!)
With the 808 and the rims…
Official Editor

Friday, April 23, 2010

Electric Moose Lamp

Family Weekly Newsletter
Issue 7 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:  It's a potluck weather week - so just show up to the party but make sure you bring something (Lightning cupcakes? Thunderin' Chili? Snowball cookies? Tsunami Punch?) and let's just see what happens.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Famine Underwear

The garments you wear during a shortage of clean underwear.
See also: Granny Panties

Alex: Nate... I see your boxers... Wait... They have Sylvester Stallone on them? Bleh your famine underwear.
Nate: Famine underwear?! They're my best pair!

Song of the Week: Electric Six, High Voltage

Cigar of the Week (brought to you by MA)Cinco Vegas Classic 5-55 Square Pressed Robusto -- Cigar is truly eye candy sporting a reddish brown Ecuador Sumatra Wrapper with a very rigid square pressed shape of 5.5 inches by 55 ring gauge (did that get all you girls attention???).  Solid feel in the hand (okay, easy now) and a wonderful earthy pre light aroma.  Cigar lights and burns pure every time and emits plumes of rich aromatic smoke.  Cigar is medium bodied and has a medium strength level and the flavors include sweet earthy nuances, some cedar, a smooth cream note and Island spice on the finish.  For a cigar that retails in the $3 to $4 dollar range, it is an incredible value, and can be had through discounters for as little as $2 a smoke.  Filler tobaccos are from Nicaragua and this is just another cigar from Nicaragua that is pleasing and nice to smoke.  These are made by Nestor Placencia and are rolled on the thighs of Virgins in his Nicaraguan factory.  It is also rumored that there is much singing and dancing and rum swilling at the after work parties at the factory and though many of the girls are Virgins, they simply are not very good at it.  Give this smoke a try!!

Wine of the Week (New! Brought to you by RE Jr)Mutietta's Well 2005 Meritage, $10.99 at the state store

Notable Accomplishments:  MM’s cataract surgery went well. Carinne got the apartment she was looking into and will be moving next weekend.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Fill in the blank:
 
An ___________ a day keeps the doctor away.

FWN Member of the Week: Liz!

If Liz had to have an extra finger or an extra toe, she'd have an extra finger so she could be a concert pianist. She turned 24 two weeks ago. She had not eaten breakfast at the time of the questionnaire but had full intentions to devour Captain Crunch with Berries. Lastly, she'd rather wear a pro tennis outfit than a pro golf outfit to church (with pantyhose).

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Now accepting all furniture and vehicle donations in NJ.

Look for more next time,

Pink Caddy (CP in reverse!)
Jeezoman Pirates.
Official Editor 

Friday, April 16, 2010

wine on the deck

Family Weekly Newsletter
Issue 6 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Darlene Birthday

Weather:  If you can't feel your sinuses, eyes, or throat due to pollen, you might as well pick the nastiest shot at the bar. Let's be honest, you won't feel a thing, it'll clear you up and everyone else will think you're amazing for taking it like a champ.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Captain of Team B!tch and Moan

Complaining a lot.

Michael: Well then, after the Oreos weren't on sale and I had to buy them anyway, I slipped on a can of spilled mustart in aisle four. AND THEN the cashier wouldn't accept my BOGO Spam coupon.
RE Jr: I'm not sure who made you captain of team b!tch and moan, but I'm going to tell the HR department that you're doing a great job. 

Song of the Week: Young Forever, Jay-Z

Cigar of the Week (brought to you by MJ)5 Vegas (Pronounced Cinco Vegas) Cask Strength II Toro

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne finished her first week at the new job. RE Jr survived a massive hangover and tour of NYC bars. AK won a digital camera while wearing her great-grandmother Campbell’s dress to a gala.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Your first initial is the known make of a car (chevy, mitsubishi, etc): your second initial (middle initial) is the model name you give it. Bonus if you give it a tagline.

Cadillac Palace: Royalty of the Road

FWN Member of the Week: Darlene!

Darlene did not respond to the questionnaire prior to presstime, so we’ll find out more about her next time!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

Pink Caddy (CP in reverse!)
With the 808 and the rims…
Official Editor 

Friday, April 9, 2010

Bangerang

Family Weekly Newsletter
Issue 5 Vol 3
I apologize for the recent delays in issue publications. Many changes have caused turmoil in the editor’s life, causing delays.

Important Holidays: RE Jr Birthday

Weather:  Just look out your window, alright? Either bring an umbrella and wear a jacket, or don’t. Enough already.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Ninjets, or Minjas

Midget ninjas.

CP (In HH): I’m terrified of those Ninjets. All of a sudden I look down and my beer is gone – a Ninjet ran off and took it.
RE Jr: Hmm, that’s suspicious.
(AK Runs up and takes the beer while Carinne is talking to RE Jr)
CP: Dang minjas!!!

Song of the Week: The Abominables, Diamantes

Cigar of the Week (brought to you by RE)Partagas double coronoa EMS. A standard (although RE submitted it as STD, like Chlamydia) in the industry. Good to the last puff.

Notable Accomplishments:  Customs was successfully dominated by the family. Lexy returned from Georgia.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  If a man speaks in the forest and no one is around to hear him, is he still wrong?

FWN Member of the Week: RE Jr

Dad had a turkey sandwich and potato chips for lunch, made in the LV kitchen. The most recent alcoholic beverage he drank was scotch and soda (Johnny Walker… old man anyone?). His shampoo can be described as yellow, smelling fru-fru-ish, but cleans his hair well. And lastly, his favorite part of vacation was laying in the hammock between two palm trees on Isla Mujeres (translates to, island of the woman) while drinking a corona.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Bella Swan: Sort of like herpes, permanent and depressing.

Look for more next time,

El Moolah
Senioritas and Margaritas
Official Editor

Friday, April 2, 2010

living off of guacamole and cerveza

Family Weekly Newsletter
Issue 4 Vol 3
Today's issue is brought to you from the swimming pool at Cancun.

Important Holidays: Good Friday, Easter, Tom's Birthday

Weather:  Mass text messaging will commence in the 4-1-2 as the phones will be turned on again in the near future. 

Urbandictionary word of the day: The Runs

a) The direct result of too much spanish food
b) A good hand in pinochle
c) Something the Pittsburgh Pirates never get

NC and CJ had so many runs this week that they fill the quota of the runs needed for Pittsburgh as a whole (mostly from (a) but fulfilling (b,c) also). Don’t anticipate any RBIs for the Buccos, folks.

Song of the Week (Brought to you by AK)Super Nova, Sin ti Soy Un Fantasma

Cigar of the Week (brought to you by RE)Cohiba Ropusto Habana 

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam and Nate won the body surfing contest; Carinne and Alex are kicking butt at pinochle. Alex is the most tan. Nate is the most sunburned. Bev survived changing towels with iguanas sitting next to the towel change place. Cameron did his first shot (any guesses as to what it is????). 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week (Brought to you by NC):  Knock-knock. Who's there?

FWN Member of the Week: Epic fail on the editor's part to ask Tom about his birthday in time, so it's Jose, the bartender at the pool bar.

Jose is 24 and just got married three months ago. He has never been to the US although he speaks English. He made carinne a red-eye and a bizarre drink with sour mix & spicy mix with corona poured on top; he made Alex a drink that looks like a Mexican flag. He is currently wearing a hairnet.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

El Moolah
Senioritas and Margaritas
Official Editor