Add HRH To the Acronym List

Family Weekly Newslettah

Issue 3 Vol 8

Impourtahnt Hoolidays: Royal Wedding

Weathah:   Cheerio! And you thought that quarter-centennial birthday hat would not go to good use. Dust it off today friends ‘cause today you can wear it in public without ridicule. It’s like wearing spandex  on Halloween – as long as it’s associated with the holiday, it’s fine.

Urbandicshunnary word of the day: Backseat browser (british translation: bahkseat brawsah)

Looking over someone’s shoulder while they are on the internet, providing instructions on where to look, click, etc.

Carinne: Okay now click here – click here – now write “Carinne is the BEST” and click share –

Nate: HEY! I know this will be shared with all of my friends. Sop being a backseat browser.

Sawng of the Weak: Ubi Caritus, sung by Westminster Abbey and Chapel Royal Choir, written by Paul Mealor

Notahble Accomplishments:  It’s that time of year again where the gentlemen pay homage to all things smoky and tobacco-y – aka cigarfest. Alex finished her senior thesis. Rest in peace to the Sevin’s dog, Angel.

Hypothetical Sitchuation of the Weak:   If April showers bring May flowers, what do April tornadoes bring?  

FWN Member of the Weak: Nicole!

“Their song” at Nicole’s wedding was Huey Lewis/Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cruisin (originally made by Smoky Robinson). If required to lose either a finger or a toe, Nicole would lose a finger since, reportedly, it is “tough to have 5 short fat fingers on one hand”. The last song she heard was Honeybee by Blake Shelton. Lastly, she doesn’t remember what she wanted to be when she grew up as a kid, but her aunt always tried to convince her to be a nun.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Fish and chips heah, fish and chips!     

Look for more next time,

Carinne 

A 25c up-to-no-good Tax

Official Editor

Fancypants

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 3 Vol 7

Important Holidays: Darlene’s Birthday, Easter

Weather:   Having trouble getting the guidettes to bloom this year? Try hooking your sprinkler and hose up to a keg; that’ll attract them right quick.

Urbandictionary word of the day(by UM): Guyliner

Eyeliner on dudes.

Greggy: Alex? ALEX! Do you have any green guyliner? It’s our frat’s spring fling and I need to get my face on.

Alex: Hang on, let me finish my tie here. Get it in a sec.

Song of the Week: Nicki Minaj, Did It On ‘Em

Notable Accomplishments:  Ron Con 2k11 was a huge success; Ron now has his own wine label. Barson got a scholarship from Pitt. Tim won an auction at work and got an epic basket of wine happiness.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   If you come across a stamped, addressed envelope, do you mail it? Do you read it? The envelope isn’t somewhere normal – such as, it’s not on your countertop or on your coworker’s desk. Say it’s somewhere abstract, like the side of a road or an abandoned car or something.

PWN Member of the Week: Dar!

Darlene’s favorite dessert is Strawberry Pie. “Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us” – that was from Burger King, which was Darlene’s first job as a teenager. The most recent movie she saw was Hop and if forced to dye her hair an unnatural color she would have pink highlights.  

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: AARP Newsletter Membership Specials!    

Look for more next time,

Carinne P.

A 25c up-to-no-good Tax

Official Editor

The Roast of Ron

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 3 Vol 6

Important Holidays: Ronno’s 50^th, the first day of Passover

Weather:   As time goes on, more and more of the newsletter target subscribers encounter fault lines – mostly, on the elbows, around the eyes, and the badonkadonk. Hopefully they’re all laugh lines, and as Incubus says, they should be worn with pride. Here’s to old age hitting the reading area!    

Urbandictionary word of the day: CTFD and IDGAF

This week’s is a BOGO on WOTD: two for one! They are part of an acronym training session. CTFD- calm the F down. IDGAF – I don’t give a F.

Ronno Jr: AHHH! HH ALLOWS CIGARS ON APRIL 15!! AHH AHH AHHH!

BKP: CTFD.

Ronno Jr: AHHHA HHH AHH!!

BKP: Honestly Ron, IDGAF. But because it’s your birthday I’ll pretend. AHHH AHH AAHH!!!

Song of the Week: Incubus, Talk Shows on Mute

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne has officially known RE Jr for half of his life. Casualty in the Hot Tub; RIP Mark’s blackberry. Nicole did a 5k walk. Heather is now selling jeans.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   So life gave you lemons. And we’re not talking about a pansy amount of lemons – it’s a lot of lemons. Trucks upon trucks of lemons. So when life gives you lemons, what do you do?

FWN Member of the Week: Ronnie Bravo!

When creating a word that rhymes with “fifty” Ron defined “stuffty” (does that rhyme with 50?) which means you can eat and drink as much as you want without gaining weight. Ron has been to 46 of the 50 states – he’s lacking North Dakota, NM, Wyoming, and Montana. If he had to turn an age that wasn’t 50 he would pick 30, where he was playing softball, no hip pain, and could still read to his kids on his lap. Lastly, his crappy budget beer of choice in college was Old Milwaukee.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: AARP Newsletter Membership Specials!    

Look for more next time,

Carinne

A 25c up-to-no-good Tax

Official Editor

Tekillya (Tequila!)

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 3 Vol 5

Important Holidays: Bo-ring (nada)

Weather:   Be prepared for forthcoming updates to the temperature scale. New degrees include “sport the speedo”, “too hot for anything”, “blue butt if it’s bare”, “you’ll be more comfortable in hockey gear than baseball if outside today”. The weather service is now also taking submissions for scale points.   

Urbandictionary word of the day: Hypo

Similar to a typo, with hype. For example an event that was overly publicized but actually ended up being pretty lame.

Dude’s night in the hot tub actually turned into an awkward sausagefest. Too much hypo about playgirls resulted in a bad guy-girl ration, for dudes anyway.

Song of the Week: Tequila, The Champs

Notable Accomplishments:  UM/RE Jr survived Honduras however have returned with “blacker than night are the lungs of el parko”. UM set a new record by smoking 12 cigars in one day.  Barson got into Phi Beta Kappa. Nicole got $600 worth of free jewelery for the party she hosted.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Another pick your winner deathmatch! Your contestants in this chaotic circus ring:

a)       Ronald McDonald

b)      Wendy

c)      Colonel Sanders

d)      “The King”

e)      The Dairy Queen Mouth

FWN Member of the Week: Spring fling! MOTW is on break.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: April [snow] showers??   

Look for more next time,

Cowgirl 

Yee-haw

Official Editor

The Revenge of the Fire Ants (part two)

April Fools. Now back to business.

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 4 Vol 4

Important Holidays: Tom’s Birthday

Weather:   This week you may think you cleverly have April-fooled nature by altering the vapor pressure with a “Vader Pressure Inducer” – that is, a humidifier in the shape of Darth Vader. Mother Nature will one-up you, however, with a combination Blizzard and Third Degree Sunburn with her secret UV-Light Saber.

Urbandictionary word of the day (by Marco): Schmidget

Shorter than a midget.

BK is a schmidget.

Song of the Week: Jaded, Aerosmith

Notable Accomplishments:  Alex survived Jamaica; Carinne and Bev survived San Antonio; UM/Pa have yet to survive Honduras (and separation anxiety from the hot tub). Nicole ran a 5k. Bev got out of jail. Tom’s surgery went well; ask MM for pictures.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: If you could write a front-page news headline for the New York Times on April Fools day, what would it read? 

FWN Member of the Week: TR!

Tom’s favorite non-alcoholic beverage is iced tea. If Tom dyed his hair an unnatural color it would be dark purple. A weekly television program he watches is NCIS. Given the opportunity to play a professional sport, Tom would be #7 for the NHL.  

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Three wolves howling at the moon are better than one. And now that the hotel maid isn’t around to make Carinne’s bed, she’s looking into hiring a professional bed maker.

Look for more next time,

Cowgirl

Yee-haw

Official Editor 

The Revenge of the Fire Ants

Happy Friday Everyone -

I just want to say the past three-some years have been a blast but lately the newsletter has been interfering with my ability to perform at work. In addition, my creative vein has been ruptured. The newsletter offices have been permanently closed, circa today. 

If anyone would like to take over, please inquire within.

It's been fun. 

Carinne