Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock (side theories)

Fig 1. Probability of spock, rock, scissors, lizard, or paper winning

Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 25 Vol 2

Editor’s note: What a monumental week we have here at the FWN.  Many, many congratulations to the Bravo Company on their graduation! Happy 21 Barson! Happy 21^30239 Mark! And AJ will become the infamous “mother-in-law” after tomorrow! Raise your glasses high, and cheers, to all of the recipients – here’s to seven days of celebrating all of these incredible occasions!

Important Holidays: Cam comes home!!!!!!!!!, Mark turns old, BARSON TURNS 21

Upcoming Events: Josh's wedding, Nate/Cam First day of school, Swim Team Car Wash (Sat, 10AM), Celebrating Cam’s birthday 1.5 months late, UM/T & Co will be camping in the rain with the bears this weekend

Weather: It is a universal requirement that whenever Carinne is driving the PA turnpike from NJ to Pittsburgh, it must be raining. Therefore, expect torrential downpours.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Manther

The male equivalent of a cougar (see Vol 1, Issue 37); a man who dates a younger woman

Famous manthers include Hugh Hefner, Michael Douglas, and Tom Cruise.

Song of the Week: Green Day, Viva la Gloria!

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam is home TODAY. He has been made head of his platoon. Carinne had her 1 year anniversary at work. Lexy, Chloe, Ali, and Liz have all started school again. Anna survived week 1 in the US, and has made the tennis team.    

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Epic game of rock paper scissors. See title of newsletter: pick your poison.

Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock?

FWN Member of the Week: BAAAAARSON! (Emphasize the BAR)

If Alex were to drink anything, right now, she would drink a pina colada, and combine it with kegs & eggs (she responded at 9am). Her most recent hangover was this Tuesday. Alex can run a mile in appx 7-8 min, and her dream car is a 1997 red jeep wrangler (hint hint parents).  

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

C-rin P

Crabfest, crabfest  

Official Editor

Ahoy Matey

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 24 Vol 2

Important Holidays: First Day of Ramadan

Weather: The hurricane in the Atlantic will affect all parts of your week: due to the weather you’ll be stuck drinking excessively inside, which will amount to overconsumption and you creating a hurricane in your porcelain bowl.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Coronas

The word Lexy believes rappers use when referring to the female chest region.

Coronas should be properly covered at all times when at the beach via bikini or beer cozy. An exception to this rule is when you are at a nudist beach.  

Song of the Week: Mariah Carey, Obsessed

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam is home in ONE WEEK.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You have to give up one of these for a year. Take yo’ pick

a)          Shoes

b)         Alcohol

c)         Girls: Good Hair Days   Guys: Watching/listening to football

d)         Your vacation time (with your company)

FWN Member of the Week: Mark!

Mark’s most recent telephone discussion was with Savannah. His favorite type of candy is Cabernet Sauvignon or beer. His shoe size is 11 wide; supposedly big feet equal big socks.  His background is a picture of a Merrill Lynch Bull with a caption about integrity.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

CarbonArgonIodineNitrogenNeon

August Fools!  

Official Editor 

Perfecting the Swagger

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 23 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Merle (AJ’s pup)’s birthday

Weather: Just sit back and hold on tight as the storm passes. Soon enough you’ll be drying off with a brewski as the sun comes out.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Dirty Dirty

Slang, used for the south. Sometimes spelled as “durrty”. Includes portions of the Carolinas, GA, LA, AL, AR, Mississippi, etc. Not Florida or Texas. Atlanta is sometimes referred to, by rappers, as the capitol of the dirty dirty.

R Jr: Yo, last week the fam n I went to the dirty dirty for vacation. It was pretty BAMF, but also kind of fexpensive.

Mark: Bro, I hear that. But Geo and I almost had a dudevorce as we argued over who you missed more. Sofa king stressful.

Cam and Chloe’s current residence is in the Dirty Dirty.

Song of the Week: (brought to you by MJ & the Topless Tunes) FM, Steely Dan

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam is home in TWO WEEKS!!!  Many thoughts are with Tom & Poppy for speedy recoveries. Aunt Jul is successfully planning the rehearsal dinner for Josh’s wedding. Nicole scored a guitar pick that was thrown into the audience at last night’s Keith Urban concert. Alex survived another summer of work and begins her junior year soon.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You are walking down a deserted road in the wee hours of the morning. Suddenly a pay phone next to you starts ringing... Do you answer it?

FWN Member of the Week: MJ!!

If handed a tomato and offered to throw it at anyone, UM would throw it at Bill Cowher. His shoe size is 12 and he has recently purchased a pair of Converse All-Stars. The coffee cup he used this morning was a “big old hefty WVU mug”, and his favorite iPod playlist is titled Topless Tunes, which, reportedly, is “for the convertible, not those songs that get Tracy to strip.” (The editor is shocked it’s not the playlist that he uses when going to the grocery store.)

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

CarbonArgonIodineNitrogenNeon

August Fools!  

Official Editor

work is the curse of the drinking classes

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 22 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Lexy's Birthday, Nicole's Birthday, UM's Birthday

Weather:  Mass amounts of moping will soon ensue because vacation is over. High amounts of hydration are recommended to reconstruct what is left of your liver. 

Urbandictionary word of the day:  (brought to you by BK) a$$vertising

Wearing shorts that have words printed on the butt. 

Classic a$$vertising slogans include "this space for rent" and "this space for rent"

Song of the Week: Zero, Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne got 5 holes in 1 in mini golf. Pinochle games have been ensuing throughout the beach house. Drinking started, on several days, before noon, and on the current day, before 10am (we're not amateurs here). Alex survived a massive sunburn.  The fam survived the beach trip even though it coincided with the Discovery Channel's Shark Week. There were two successful wine tastings this week. The kids Chloe tutors got the highest grades in the class on math exams. Chloe is also the most popular math tutor in all of the land. 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Alright another round of e-Apples to Apples. What noun/action/idea/phrase/anything do you throw down? No restrictions.

The "adjective" is, well, more of a phrase: "At-home vacation." Describe it... 

Reminder: You have a handful of nouns, actions, etc. An adjective is thrown down, and everyone puts down their noun/action that they feel is most applicable to the adjective. However, in this case, there are no cards and thus no restrictions. Feel free to offer a phrase, movie, person, anything. 

FWN Member of the Week: Lexy!

Lexy sent 9648 texts last month. Her favorite board game is "scene it" and if she could be in any movie she would be in Harry Potter. Her shoe size is 9.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

McCarinne McTan

Emitremmus

Official Editor