San Ant Hot

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 3 Vol 4

Important Holidays: Auntie Lynne’s Birthday!

Weather:   In a strange twist of fate this week, the International Date Line becomes instead of the “line where the day changes” but where the “line of where your date (significant other) changes”. So if you’re looking to trade him/her in for a new model, fly on over the line and try it out! Beware though, you may snag a lemon.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Beardo

A weirdo with a beard

After Nate stopped shaving, BFRO members would photograph him in passing because he resembled bigfoot. To everyone else, he was just a beardo.

Song of the Week: Cougar Fight Song (University of Houston’s Fight Song – also the Shaler Area Fight Song)

Notable Accomplishments:  Although the phone bill (and Greggy) have yet to verify, thus far Alex has spent a week sans-text. Lexy has remedied her Helga Syndrome.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   So if everything really is bigger in Texas, where is everything smaller?

FWN Member of the Week: Auntie Lynne!  

Given the chance to go back and be any age over again, AL would be 30, but not for any particular reason. For breakfast today both she and her coworker brought in birthday Dunkin Donuts, so in the end she had an apple fritter donut. If AL had to pick another month for her birthday to fall that wasn’t March, AL would pick June because the weather is warmer. Lastly, her first birthday freebie was a breakfast from The Diner, but she also has Red Robin, Quaker Steak, IHOP, Houlihan’s, and Vocelli to look forward to. Nice work!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Professional grade cowgirl boots are not sold in NJ.   

Look for more next time,

Cowgirl

Yee-haw

Official Editor

Bangers & Smashed

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 2 Vol 4

Editor’s Note: It’s the much anticipated celebration compilation issue! Where F (plus Greggy) members proudly author several sentences (or pages, RE Jr) for the world to read and revel in their brilliance. The normal editor got some serious slack last week for not doing it on Issue 1 of the new year. Many apologies for the delay – and please, enjoy!

Important Holidays (brought to you by MJ): Sunday March 20th - First day of spring.  The day you have dreaded all winter, claiming “I will take on that chore when the weather breaks”, or “I will run 5 miles every day, when spring gets here”.  It is also, sadly, the day that Punxatawney Phil is ravaged by a wolverine.  Out like a Lion they say.

Weather (guest meteorologist AK):   The WVU fans of the newsletter will be basking in the sun (some literally, some figuratively) this week due to not only spring break in Jamaica, but also due to a predicted dominance in the ncaa tournament. Conversely, Pitt fans shall experience nothing but the chilly, damp feeling of defeat.

Bonus section of the week 1:  Wine/stogie of the week (Brought to you by RE Jr)

Mazzarro 2005 Chianti Classico Reserva -  Yummm !!  So smooth you think silk is sandpaper.  Went extremely well with the Lamb Chops we had recently but trust me it goes with cereal too.  I meant to say it could go with cereal.  Cigar of the week is Punch Rothschild.  What was once a staple in my humidor as an inexpensive everyday cigar has over time disappeared from my collection, however a re-discovery or retro ambition on my part has revived this tasty little treat in my heart.  Smoke this with a beer or a great wine (try the Mazzarro) and you won't be disappointed.  For a meer couple bucks you can enjoy a cigar few know about.  Of course now the secret is out.  Smoke up Johnny!!

Bonus section of the week 2:  SPORTS (brought to you by RE Jr)

The Pirates are riding high on hopes for the season!!!!!  They all hope to get traded to a real baseball team before the trading deadline.  Please, Please Please make a trade with me before August 1st!!!!   In other news the NFL appears to be headed for a lockout.  Fortunately for the players the owners seem to have lost the keys.  Also, the players decertified.  Does this mean they are no longer certifiable?  HMMM.  Contemplating a year without football, MLB has decided to extend the playoffs into December with a 28 team format.  Unfortunately that still leaves the Pirates out of the playoffs.  This Just in......Philly Sucks !!!   To Hockey now.... Sidney Crosby began skating today and claimed to have no concussion like symptoms.  When asked by reporters how did you feel?  He said "Mum, I don't want to go to school" and rolled over and went back to sleep.  Bylsma promised to write him an excuse and give it to the principle.  Oh and Philly still Sucks !!!

Rub dirt in it and take a lap !!

Urbandictionary word of the day (brought to you by Greggy): Badvertising

When advertisements are so bad that they stick in your memory, thus, accomplishing the original goal of advertising.

"Hey have you seen the new Progressive commercial with Flo being overly

annoying?"

"Yeah. There's a great piece of badvertising if I've ever seen it!"

Song of the Week (brought to you by MM/Tom): REO Speedwagon, Can’t Stop that Feeling

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam’s Spring Break is coming to an end while AK begins her last Spring Break. Pap & brother’s were in the local newspaper. Dr. Ali put in a trach tube today and yesterday saw a live heart beating in a chest. Tom is recovering; send get well cards. Tim went to Plates & Skates, a fundraiser where the Penguins serve food to the patrons. His server was Brent Johnson and he got a helmet signed by Chris Connor, among other items and a ton of envy inducing pictures.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week (brought to you by RE Jr):   Take your first name and/or middle name and/or last name and rearrange the letters to form a word or two word phrase then explain what it means. Example:  Carinne = Rainnec, like Rain-X for your neck. 

FWN Member of the Week: Dr. Ali!  

The most recent book Dr. Ali read was “A Discovery of Witches”, which she reports is like Harry Potter for adults. If Ali were to do a job that did not require a college degree she would want to be a travel journalist (although I think journalism is a major). Swedish fish is her favorite Rita’s flavor, and if she had to have an extra finger or an extra toe she’d pick an extra finger.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Encore Applause (brought to you by Greg): (Don't give me the...) CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

Classifieds: Carinne checked into a location on FourSquare, and when she did a coupon popped up to save 15% on her bill. Use foursquare!

Look for more next time,

C. P.

Legs! I can see them again!

Official Editor

Jumanji Scrabble: The world played comes true

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 1 Vol 4

Editor’s Note: Welcome to the fourth volume of the FWN! You've all been distracted by the March Madnezz.... And the finals are reported below! Three years we’ve documented this insanity, pretty exciting. But this issue isn’t the celebration issue – look for it upcoming in the near future!

Important Holidays: St Patrick’s Day

Weather:   Just below the rainbow is a giant pot of--- gold? Sort of – it’s a keg of shimmering, golden Bud Light. Ahh, bud light. (Ad campaign anyone?). Hopefully some rainbows are in the future! Happy St. Pat’s Day Leprochauns/Leprochaunettes!  

Urbandictionary word of the day: productive procrastination

                                                            

Doing things, that while useful, puts off the real task.

CP: Well, I did my laundry, bought the fam some more beer, and vacuumed your car.

Ronno: That’s just great but have you cleaned up the hot tub disaster yet? No? NO! Stop this productive procrastination.

Song of the Week: Kid Cudi & Kanye West “Erase Me”

Notable Accomplishments:  Congrats to the winner of the FWN march madness tournament- HEATHER! She beat out MM with the random number draw, she had 6 MM had 4 and 6 was picked.  Lexy started softball and got a stylish new haircut. Nate got a job, his braces off, lettered in swimming, and takes the SAT tomorrow. Cam starts his first spring break. Carinne goes back to school tonight – who takes classes on a Friday? This is reminiscent of the 4pm o-chem course she had sophomore year… Friday torture. Alex visited Altar Bar, formerly Sanctuary, ‘where all your sins are forgiven and encouraged’. In addition to cursed pants, Carinne now has cursed undergarments. At this rate, she will have an entire wardrobe of "cursed" to donate to an enemy, which will likely work better than a voodoo doll.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   You are a lady/gentleman of the night. What’s your street name? For example – Ginge Invitus. Toothbrush included – beware of oral diseases.

FWN Member of the Week: Marco!  

Marco’s nickname as a kid was Tucci, and reportedly “back in my day I had hair”. If he had to have fake facial/head hair somewhere, he would choose long flowing locks like Rapunzel. For lunch today he had pizza with mushrooms, banana peppers, and black olives (yum).

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Warning, adding food coloring to make your beer green will also make your mouth green. Better option – drop a peanut m&m in there. The beer will take the color without dying your mouth and then you have beer & peanuts! (both accounts known from controlled sciencey experimentation)

Look for more next time,

Mayor McCarinne

Luck o’ the green beer

Official Editor

FWN March Madness

Hello All! For those of you who submitted back your results, we have a bracket of rock-paper-scissors here. Everyone was randomly paired with another in excel – here you go! Skip to the end to see the finals if you don’t want to read the text!

Welcome to the FWN March Madness Rock-Paper-Scissors Bracket! We’re so glad to have you here on ESPN8, The Ocho. Here’s a recap of today’s events.

Auto-Bye Bowl Tom S. was randomly chosen by a sciencey excel spreadsheet, so he gets a bye week in the first round.

In the Bunnies Bowl, Tim faced Darlene. Tim whipped out a ‘ROCK’ while Darlene responded with “do you know how to play this game?” Unfortunately, Darlene showed neither rock, paper, nor scissors, so she forfeits. Tim moves on!

In the Call of Duty Bowl, Cam faced Jonaid with intense k/d ratios. Cam threw the strong ROCK, but Jonaid topped that with paper. What diplomacy. J-Lo moves forward.

Llama bowl starts with MM vs Barson. Rock is getting massacred in this round, as MM’s paper pummeled Alex. MM moves forward.

Sisters-in-law bowl was compromised over a cold natural light. Tracy and AJ each played rock – both advance to the next round.

BK challenged Chloe in the Algae Bra Bowl. Chloe’s scissors were tarnished by BK’s rock – BK moves forward.

Nate and Mark met at [old] guys gone wild bowl, but nate was the one sliced up with Mark’s rock trounced him. Mark moves forward.

Carinne and UM matched up at the much anticipated Wineaux Bowl. They called it a draw as each was too drunk to play by the end of the match. Each showed up with scissors – c’mon, where’s the supervision here? Who gives drunk people scissors?

Al’s scissors cut up ron’s ‘cigar scotch’ in Sibling Olympics Bowl (brought to you by CP and AK, predicted champions of 2k11).

Gina and Greg called a draw on the G-Squad Bowl – both were armed with ROCK. The same went for Poppy and Heather at the NINJA BOWL – more ROCK, but will they roll on through the next round?

Stats: Rock was the most popular answer here, allowing nine people to move forward.  

Finals for round 1: Tom, Tim, JLo, MM, Tracy, AJ, BK, Mark, CP, UM, AL, Marco, Gina, Greg, Poppy and Heather all move on to the next round.

It was great to have you Dar, Cam, Barson, Chloe, Allie, Ronno, and Nate but now you get to be part of the best part – obnoxious fans in the stands with cotton candy man.

(Here's the bracket but I can't get it to format - we'll see how it goes!!!)

	Rocky Conf.		Rambo Conf.
Auto-Bye			Nate (s)	[old] guys gone
Bowl	Tom S. ®		Mark ®	Wild Bowl
Bunnies Bowl	Darlene (?)		Carinne  (s)	Wineaux Bowl
	Tim ®		UM (s)
Call of Duty	Jonaid (p)		AL (s)	Sibling
Bowl	Cameron ®		Ronno (?)	Olympics
Llama Bowl	MM (p)		Marco (p)	Fiber One
	Alex ®		Allie ®	Bowl
Sisters-In	Tracy ®		Gina  ®	G-Squad
Law Bowl	AJ  ®		Greg ®	Bowl
Algae Bra	Chloe  (s)		Poppy ®	Ninja
Bowl	Bev ®		Heather  ®	Bowl

Round Two:

Marco (s)		AL (p)
	Gina ®		Jlo (s)
	Heather ®		Poppy ®
	UM (s)		Tom (p)
	Mark (s)		AJ (p)
	Greg ®		MM (s)
	Tracy (s)		Bev ®
	Carinne (s)		Tim ®

Round Three:

Greg (s)		Jlo ®
Tracy (p)		Gina (s)
Bev (s)		Heather ®
Tom ®		MM ®
Tim (p)
Carinne (p)

Round Four:

Greg ®
Jlo (p)
Heather (p)		MM gets the Bye
Tim ®
Carinne ®
Tom (s)

Round Five (And then see the newsletter for the winner)

And the (self appointed) Romeo & Juliet of the tournament, Carinne and Jonaid are knocked out!!! Final winner to be announced in the newsletter!!

MM (L)

Jlo (did not answer)

Heather (L)

CPP (Sp)