Ringing in Two-Thousand-EleVOM (courtesy of UM)

Family Weekly Newsletter

Special Early Edition

Issue 43 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Aunt Jul’s Birthday, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day

Weather:   It’s officially the year of the VOM, and will likely be rung in accordingly at midnight with obscene makeouts. Happy 2011 FWN!

Urbandictionary word of the day: Phobar

                                                            

Not to be confused with the commonly known FUBAR… Photoshopped beyond all recognition.

UM: Hmmm, I’d like to be slimmer (click click), with a Snooki tan (click click)… And I wish my shirt was mesh to show my washboard abs (click click click). There we go!

Tracy: That is so Phobar it looks like you fifteen years ago if you were a beastly girl.

Song of the Week: Manfred Mann, Blinded by the light

Notable Accomplishments: Yet again, Carinne found the pickle on the Christmas tree. UM beat R Jr on the wishbone competition. R Jr got a facebook account; his first status was regarding the hot tub. Cam, Nate, Grex & J enjoyed some snow golf on Christmas. Lexy is feeling better. Eighteen inches of snow didn’t shut down work.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   You have to write down a New Year’s resolution on a slip of paper. It will randomly go in a hat with the other resolutions, and randomly you will draw one you need to try to adhere to. What do you write on your slip to enter into the hat?

FWN Member of the Week: Aunt Jul!!!

Aunt Jul did not reply to the questionnaire in time; but happy birthday anyway!!!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Contact Nate, C.E.O. of G.G.C., for all of your shopping and wrapping needs!  

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Resolving to not Resolve

Official Editor of FWN

Mistletoe: Like Cameltoe, for Mistles.

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 42 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Christmas Eve, Christmas, Christine’s Birthday

Weather:   When in doubt of what to get your brother for Christmas, there’s always that empty bottle of Gatorade, or a washcloth, or other random used objects laying around your house looking for love.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Spatula

If you ask Alex, it is a turner.

This year, Alex got Carinne a spatula! Too bad Carinne already had two.

Song of the Week: Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,  Brenda Lee

Notable Accomplishments: Alex and Greg had a successful trip to NJ. Carinne got all of the siblings banned from their yahoo gaming accounts.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Ok, moment of truth. You don’t have to say what, where, or when.

a)    Have you ever regifted something?

b)    If NO, would you? If YES, would you do it again??

FWN Member of the Week: Christine!

Christine’s middle name is Marie and her favorite reindeer is Vixen. Given the choice of ‘sugar or spice’ she picks spice. Lastly, she woke up at 530 (ugh!).

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Cookies and milk… Wine and cheese… Epic pairings, indeed

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

I’m too much

Official Editor

In Philly they say "happy halliday" and "merry cliffmas"

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 41 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:   It’s a GTL for Santa weekend; for those of you coming to NJ, strap on your Jager Boots because it’s about to get snowy and toasted. For the rest of you, wash your santa hat and hit the gym, because you know you can’t eat just one of MM’s sugar cookies.    

Urbandictionary word of the day: Jesus Jeans

                                                            

Jeans that are so ripped or torn that they are “holy”.

Stores sell Jesus Jeans for $80; most manual labor personnel can make you a genuine pair for $10.

Carinne’s favorite pair are Jesus Jeans due to being worn so many times without washing them.

Song of the Week: Twisted Sister, Let It Snow

Notable Accomplishments: Bev won a Sydney Crosby Jersey and survived the back window of the trail blazer breaking this week. Christine is a gain an Aunt. Alex and Greggy finished semesters.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Inspired by Liz’s response to the FWNMOTW:

Reindeer games! If the reindeer were competing in a Kentucky-derby style race, which one do you pick to win?

FWN Member of the Week: Liz!

Liz’s is certain she is on the nice list this year. Dasher is her favorite reindeer because he is always first. Given the choice of representing OJ or Madoff she picks OJ because, “Murder trials are way more interesting than fraud. Even clearly guilty people deserve legal representation or the system doesn’t work.” Dinner last night was steak in a mushroom sauce with mashed potatoes and green beans, topped off with a bottle of sauvignon blanc (can I come over?).

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Contact UM by tomorrow, NOON if you want to get in on the college bowl pool.

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

I’m too much

Official Editor

Tootsie Roll Pops: 25 years. Carinne: 1

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 40 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Heather’s Birthday

Weather:   Thank goodness we found Toboggan Parking Only because it looks like you western PA-ers are going to need it. For the rest of us lame snowball wannabes, looks like it’s just another dose of heavy downpours.  

Urbandictionary word of the day (by R Jr):  Beer Pressure

                                                            

When you don’t really want to drink, but your buddies shame you into drinking.

Geo: What, you getting old there Ronnie? You almost fifty or something? You’re drinking like you’re eighty. Turning down a beer at 8am.

Bev: You don’t have to beer pressure me into it! Let’s go Ronno!

Song of the Week: Christmas Wrapping, The Waitresses

Notable Accomplishments: Carinng has been epically searching for the infamous tootsie roll pop wrapper with an indian shooting a star since childhood; today she opens a tootsie roll pop and there it is.  Lexy’s team took 1^stin the PA State Cheerleading Champs, however Lexy did dislocate her shoulder. Most families acquired Christmas trees this week. Barson had a Hanukkah Miracle when her candle kept burning despite not having a wick. Alex also was at the bar and commented if she was in a band she’d play the tambourine. Three hours later, some guy walked up to her and said, “This is for you,” and handed her a tambourine.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Would you rather be:

a) A gingerbread man in a gingerbread house

b) A snowman in the arctic at a house with three dogs

c) The angel on top of the tree

d) The Fruitcake

FWN Member of the Week: Heather!

Congrats on the engagement AND birthday! Heather met Marco 5 years ago in Bentonville, AR when he would travel for business. About three years ago, they started dating. It was long distance for awhile, but then she moved to Pittsburgh. She has caught a bouquet in previous weddings twice: once when she was 22-ish, and the second time at her twin sister’s wedding where she wrestled the 7 year old neice of the groom for it.  If she had to cater her wedding via fast food she would do it through Chick-Fil-A because they have awesome party platters and good slaw. Her favorite reindeer is Rudolph.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

I’m too much

Official Editor

Do sleighs have spark plugs? Do they come in automatic transmission?

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 39 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:   Holiday drinks are a bit dangerous. A scroogedriver can place you onto the naughty list. Too many Mad Elfs can make driving a sleigh very difficult. And did you just order a Prancer? What kind of skeevy men’s only joint are you in? Please use caution.  

Urbandictionary word of the day (by UM):  String Cheese

                                                            

The endless and redundant exchange of sappy mutual BFF comments on Facebook; like a string of cheesy messages.

Greggy: Heading to Canada this weekend!

Alex: Nooooo! You’ll get eaten by a moose!

Tracy: I will miss you so much!

Deanna: It’s been too long since we’ve hung out!

Cam: It won’t be the same in Pittsburgh without you this weekend!

Alex: I miss you already!

Michael: String cheese police. Stop this nonsense. Vom. And Alex, mooses only bite sisters.

Carinne: United States of Jersey! No moosi!

Song of the Week: I Saw Three Ships, Sting

Notable Accomplishments: Marco and Heather are engaged! Liz and Matt have picked their wedding venue. Bev and Ron survived the epic video game invasion implemented by Cam, Nate and Jonaid. Carinne and Alex still are horrendous at Boulder Dash. Carinne, Jonaid, and RE Jr survived black Friday shopping. All travelers survived the traffic last weekend. Alex and Greggy enjoyed the Pitt/WVU game. No turkeys were dropped this year.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Welcome to the FWN ski resort! What slope/lift/rental station/parking lot/lesson/hotel/service/etc do you create for the resort?

FWN Member of the Week: Tom!

Tom’s favorite reindeer is Donner. So far he is on the naughty list. Breakfast for Tom consisted of cinnamon toast crunch and a piece of toast. In school, Tom’s favorite class was science.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

I’m too much

Official Editor