Trenton Makes, Pennsy Fakes

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 46 Vol 4

Important Holidays: Groundhog Day

Weather:  In shocking weather news, Canada also celebrates Groundhog Day. This raises several critical points (a) do they use the US groundhog and (b) how does this fare for the accuracy of the groundhog as it is perpetually winter in Canada?

Urbandictionary word of the day: eye broccoli

The opposite of eye candy; someone unattractive.

Is Snooki eye candy or eye broccoli?

Song of the Week: Donna Summer, Hot Stuff

Notable Accomplishments:  BK and RE Jr enjoyed the sunshine state this week; ironically, so did all of the REpublican candidates (RON 2012).

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    How do you get from the top of the hill to the bottom?

a)      Slide

b)      Slip & Slide

c)      Roll

d)      Run

e)      Moonwalk

f)       Toboggan

g)      Flying Falcon. Which doesn’t exist so you’re at the top of the hill by yourself.

FWN Member of the Week: Michael!

UMs predicts the Groundhog will be hungover and will see two of his shadow, indicating Spring will start on Monday. His major in college was secondary science education, and the kitchen utensil that best describes him is a teaspoon because he can ‘add a little flavor to anything, but should really only be added in very little doses’. Lastly, he is named Michael because he was a boy and Karen was no longer suitable.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada   

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Juror No. 1

Official Editor

the endagered appliance series: the can opener

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 45 Vol 4

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:  Don’t open the shutters to your little house on the prairie just yet; the brief warm spell will quickly be gone with the wind and you may get goosebumps. The plague of winter sill has its jaws tightened and you have quite a bit of time a bit of time before you can go catch some rye in the green gables.    

Urbandictionary word of the day (by Gina): Manternity Leave

The time a man gets off from work when his significant other has a baby.

When any of the RE Jr children has children, perhaps RE Jr will get Grand-Manternity leave in order to properly acclimate the newborn to the ways of cigars and scotch and hot tub.

Song of the Week: Poor Little Fool, Ricky Nelson

Notable Accomplishments:  Nate got accepted to University!

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    Mad lib! You need:

-          a present-tense verb (ex, clap)

-          a noun (ex, hands)

If you’re happy and you know it [verb] your [noun]!

FWN Member of the Week: Nicole!

Nicole’s favorite girl scout cookies are the Thin Mints. For dinner last night she had Cinnamon and Pecan Special K cereal. If she had to dye her hair an unnatural color it would be hot pink since that is her all time favorite color. Lastly, the US city she has never been to and would like to visit is Boston.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Now seeking an NFL ‘who to cheer for, for the rest of the season’ advisor.   

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Juror No. 1

Official Editor

yucca yucca yakka

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 44 Vol 4

Important Holidays: Friday the 13^th, MLK Jr Day, George Birthday

Weather:  Fog? Hail? Friday the 13^th? 50 degrees outside? We had a blizzard for Halloween and now January is the spooky month. Seems like the weather is having an identity crisis; time to bust out the costumes and have some thrills, chills, and a couple of spills.  

Urbandictionary word of the day: Spark in my azz

The antonym of ‘picking your azz’. When you are picking your azz you’re sitting around doing nothing. When there’s a spark in your azz you’re getting it done.

BK: Come on boys, clean up the living room. Time to get a spark under your azz.

Cam: Good thing I brought my lighter!

Nate: Hang on I’m picking my azz, trying to get a good spot for the spark to hit.

Song of the Week: Mr Nice Watch, J Cole feat. Jay-Z

Notable Accomplishments:  AL is now gainfully employed!  RE Jr made it through airport security even with the new hip. Marco, Heather, Nicole, and Bev’s bowing team is off to a great start.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    If you were given the choice: would you give up five years of life for a peaceful death, or take the five years and have a painful death?

Please note you do not know the cause of the death or when. It could be age 31 vs 36, or 91 vs 96, a car crash, or sickness, etc – none of this you know.

FWN Member of the Week: Tim!

Tim’s favorite pizza topping is hot sausage. Given that all travel times would be equal, his chosen method of transportation would be first-class air travel. His first job ever was as a paper delivery boy, followed by a position at Restaurants where reportedly his job title was ‘the MAN’. Today, his t-shirt is navy blue with “show me your O Face” on it.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada  

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Juror No. 1

Official Editor

50 Weeks Until the End of the World

Family Weekly Newsletter

The 200^th Edition of the FWN (including special edition Vol 1 Issue 33.5)

The first edition of 2012

Issue 43 Vol 4

Shout out to guest editors over the past 3.75 years: AK (5 editions), MJ (1), RE Jr (1), Brandi (1), and a Cam/Nate/Tom Combo (1)

Important Holidays: Tim’s Birthday

Holidays History: In 2011, even though there were thirteen weeks where “nada” was observed, the Newsletter celebrated 72 holidays, including King Tut Day.

Weather:  This weekend marks 7-days from New Year’s. Resolutions will fall in a rapid exponential decline. Don’t be a victim.

Special Sections to the Newsletter have been common. One of the most featured is the Sports & Stogies section, initiated in March of 2009.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Gympact

The impact of the gym.

Tracy had trouble with her GTL in 2012. Too many new years resolutioners taking the treadmills; what a drag towards her gympact.

Fun Fact: Word of the week is the most frequently submitted to column in the newsletter.

Song of the Week: Fun., We Are Young

Historical Statistics: A survey in May 2009 concluded FWN members are perfectly split 50/50 those who prefer frozen margaritas to those who prefer margaritas on the rocks.

Notable Accomplishments:  Heather and Marco are elbows deep in 100 lbs of pork butt and beef intestines making soppressatta (uh, yum?). Greggy started a new job and his last semester of undergraduate studies. AL is embarking on her first interview. Nate did the polar bear plunge. Alex is teaching a full day of classes. BK car is better after its doctor’s visit. RE Jr is back at work.  

Notable Accomplishments Fun Fact: Since the newsletter’s inception in March 2008 the highest number of notable accomplishments award goes to Carinne (quantitative, not qualitative). Shocker. Someone verify the sources.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    If you could create a national appreciation month, what would you appreciate?

 

HSOTW HISTORY: In September 2008 (Vol 1, Issue 28) the hypothetical situation was in honor of the dude who made bacon flavored vodka. The question was, what flavor would you make vodka if you could make any flavor? Answers included funyons, cheez-its, natural light, and coconut cream pie, among others.

However the big discussion on that issue ensued when BK announced it was national “be kind to editors” month. RE Jr inquired when “be kind to old stog” month was. Mark replied with his personal dream for “be kind to the old dudes gone wild” month. Aunt Jul later questioned, has Mark gone wild yet? To which we still have not received a reply or significant scientific evidence to support a conclusion.

FWN Member of the Week: From the Archives

In 2010 we learned if Gina was stuck on a desert island with one appliance and one electrical outlet, she’d bring a coffee maker. Darlene is the most mysterious FWN member as to date she has missed two FWNMOTW questionnaires. Nicole can hold her breath for twenty seconds. MM’s ‘something blue’ at her wedding was her garter she threw to all of her bachelors (Vol 2 Issue 19).

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Anyone else play Tiny Tower? I’m so addicted.  

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Juror No. 1

Official Editor