Hoops Afire

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 47 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Groundhog’s Day

Weather:  Winter hibernation has caused an increase in your mid-section so that you can’t even see your own shadow when you walk. 60 days until Cancun? “Woof,” says the swimsuit-unacceptable body.

Urbandictionary word of the day (inspired by M) : JS’n.

The abbreviation for Just Sayin’. Typically used when you’re pointing out something not obvious to a person, something that is not supported by facts, or an obscure point of view. Sometimes it’s used as protection - meaning, you say something that may be offensive but the “JS’n” lightens the blow.

BK: It’s Cubbard Jubilee night!

CP (looks into the bowl): Umm, that looks like how I’d imagine spaghetti and sewage combo does. JS’n.

We’ve had a number of submissions to the UWoTD as of recently. Please be patient, we’ll get to ‘em.

Song of the Week: Mr. Big Stuff, Jean Knight

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne is the official editor of all scientific papers being translated into English (both cannabis and non-cannabis related).  AL got two dozen free Krispy Kreme donuts because the girl was late to open up the shop. MM had a panic attack when she couldn’t find the tap to her box-o-wine, but this dispute was resolved peacefully (no wine was injured). BK/RE survived Vegas and the Florida beaches, and saw Blue Man Group. CJ/NC survived a week at home alone.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  In a perfect world (unfortunately, no lottery winning or extra vacation from work applies) -

If the groundhog sees his shadow you get six more weeks of ________.

FWN Member of the Week: Mark!

Mr. Reynold’s high school macot was the “ultra scary Dragon, definitely not of the Puff the Magic variety.” The most recent alcoholic beverage he has consumed is the one he is currently drinking, which is “pure unmitigated joy, ‘the half price Happy Hour Beer’”. If Mark had the opportunity to play a professional sport, he would be a middle reliever in baseball for a really good team. Lastly, if he had to choose between an extra finger and an extra toe, he’d pick the finger (one more to show off the bling, or one more to support the beverage he be draankin).

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

Punxsutawney

Sherriff Gello Popo

Official Editor

Gello Popo

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 46 Vol 2

Important Holidays: None

Weather:  Giant bowls of mac n cheese are rumored to be in every fridge. Be certain to clean out aforementioned fridges before they mutiny.  

Urbandictionary word of the day: Stalkerazzi

People who take a large number of pictures; often in rapidfire succession. Occasionally of mundane objects, but frequently of people - possibly complete strangers who are interesting enough that they need to be documented. The essential point of a stalkerazzi is post-photography posting pictures on a public photo album and tagging the photo subjects (even if it is certain the subjects will receive ridicule/detagging). No mercy.

Carinne is captain stalkerazzi with 52 photo albums on her facebook. UM is apprentice stalkerazzi with only 45 albums.

Song of the Week: L'italiana in Algeri (The Italian Girl in Algiers) Overture, Gioachino Rossini

Notable Accomplishments:  Bev/Ron partied (responsibly) for 23.5 hours straight. Bev won $7 on blackjack. Alex successfully made a paddle for her little. Cam, Nate, and Lana are surviving at LV just fine.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  So you’re creating a new answer for the infamous, all-knowing “Magic 8 Ball”. You can be generic, sarcastic, useless, anything you want. What’s your phrase?

Guest Celebrity Answer Michael Scott: That’s what she said.

(disclaimer: Michael Scott didn’t actually say that.)

(But he would. For a magic ball with all the answers.)

(That’s what she said.)

FWN Member of the Week: Barson!

Barson can do 15 pushups and can hold her breath approximately two lengths of the average hotel pool, or the time it takes the car to drive through the Fort Pitt tunnel. Her hair shampoo can be best described as “in a big green bottle and uses real fruit concentrates.” If she was forced to have either an extra finger or an extra toe, she’d have an extra finger. This would reportedly offer her “More fingers to txt with!”.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: The stars predict the start of you getting a little more proactive about your own f+ck!ng future for a change. Seriously, enough is enough. (Scorpio Horoscope from The Onion Issue 44•04)

Look for more next time,

Smarti

Sherriff Gello Popo

Official Editor 

Hot Beer, Bad Food, Lousy Service. A Celebration Issue.

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 45 Vol 2

Special 99^th edition spectacular (including the extra election day ’08 edition and the April Fools ’09 edition). This week is a “best of” (according to the editor) edition; a recap of the past 99 weeks that have been documented via the newsletter. Thanks for your never-ending creativity in responses to the hypothetical situation and always providing a way to end the work week. Cheers to many more!

Important Holidays: MLK Jr Day, FWN Appreciation Week

Weather:  Looking at the FWN almanac, over the past 99 weeks, the weather breakdown has been as following:

37.8% of the weeks have involved booze rain or other forms of alcohol consumption

6.12% involve Pittsburgh sports

3.06% involve indigestion and pepto bismol

1.02% involves either a hangover, a Herf, or R Jr complaining about too much booze in the forecast for Pitt so Pitt goes on prohibition and loses their booze forecast

and 49% involved other misc items

Commonly asked Questions: The song of the week comes from, usually, a song I heard this week that I enjoy. Sometimes it’s suggested. I try to mix it up to get different genres in there, or ones that relate to an event occurring in the upcoming week.

The subject titles are a mix of anything: sometimes song lyrics (Eat your salad, no dessert), trivia questions (blacker than night were the lungs of el puko), inside jokes (Look at my pants), or completely made up entirely (Mo-om, did you wash my leiderhosen?)

WNMOTW is usually chosen if it’s your birthday, but exceptions do happen for notable good deeds or the editor’s mood.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Interestingly, the UWOTD is the most contributed to category from the FWN (with the exception of the HSOTW responses). More recipients send in suggested words than any other section.

Some UWOTDs that have become commonly used phrases amongst us:

Alcoholiday (Issue 2 Vol 1) I'm taking an alcoholiday.

Nom nom nom (Issue 39 Vol 1) "Blimpie! What are you doing?" "Nom nom nom."

Drafternoon (Issue 47 Vol 1) (at the office) Bev: three… two… one… Alright it's officially 12. Let's head down to Bettis' for the rest of the Drafternoon. 

Sofa King (Issue 9 Vol 2) Cam (sits down on the couch with a Burger King Crown)

               Nate (sits down on the couch with a Burger King Crown)

              (No words are spoken, evil death stare between the two)

              Ron Jr (on the chair, no crown): There can only be one sofa king. Fight to the destruction!

              Carinne/Alex (standing in the dining room, eating forbidden cookies, observing): You guys are sofa king weird.

  

Song of the Week: The only band to have appeared twice on the SOTW is Metallica. It debuted with “The Call of Ktulu,” S&M album version, in Issue 21 Vol 1. Later, in Issue 18 Vol 2, “Whiskey in the Jar” was featured.

Notable Accomplishments: Special thanks to everyone for providing entertaining stories from their lives (albeit embarrassing… The time R Jr ran into the screen door anyone?) for the notable accomplishments. Keep up the good work.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Let's try it again. What's the magic word?

Some history:

The fewest responses to the newsletter was on Issue 12 Vol 1, “If Bud Light were to do a “Real Men of Genius” commercial based on you, what would your title be?” with only two responses. This ties with "What is the magic word?" from Issue 21 Vol 1 (palindrome anyone? I don't think this is a coincidence) which also only got two responses.

The most was tied with a few, so editor’s pick is Issue 21 Vol 2 “You're the FWN Editor. What is the Song of the Week?” (one year after the lowest response on record), although UM’s “Not so hypothetical situation of the mid-week”, where he discussed his steelers wardrobe, had equal responses.

The most discussion was about Issue 26 Vol 2: “You find a wallet with $1,000 in it. Do you give it all back? Keep some of it? Keep all of it? What if it’s $100,000?”

Editor’s Favorite: "Use your initials to create the name of an alcoholic drink." Also, "door #1, #2, or #3?" And “Rock paper scissors lizard spock”.

FWN Member of the Week: Issue is too long. This segment got cut this week.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada.

Look for more next time,

Smarti

Sherriff Gello Popo

Official Editor 

PING!!!

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 42 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Adults Day (Japan)

Weather:  As it is the year of the tiger, you can anticipate to witness lots of people with black and orange stripes running around. Just be sure you have a blonde with a golf club with you at all times for protection.  

Urbandictionary word of the day (requested by R Jr): Bacne (spelled Backne in some cultures)

Acne on your back.

Nate: Please tell me that is just leftover sunscreen on your back, not a Mt Vesuvius.

Ron Jr: Nope! Au natural!

Song of the Week: We Were Promised Jetpacks, Quiet Little Voices

Notable Accomplishments:  (as always, thanks to the FWN field reporter, BK, for her consistent, accurate, and informative submissions to the Notable Accomplishments section.)  The High school had its first snow day of the year. Pittsburgh has gotten slammed with a ton of snow this year (save $ on refrigeration by using your Canadian Refrigerator!). Nate is grounded from XBOX. However this is offset by the fact that he won $40 on a $1 scratch off. Marco is having knee surgery on Monday. BK/Gina did tremendously well on the college bowl pool, making it to the finals.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Celebrity Deathmatch!!! But it’s a Double Header!

Round 1 – Fred Flinstone vs Barney Rubble?

Round 2 – Wilma Flinstone vs Betty Rubble?

Feel free to pick a winner from either round or both rounds.

FWN Member of the Week: In honor of National Bubble Bath Day (which is today), the MOTW office is closed this week. Normal operating hours will resume next week. Thanks!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: What was your first alcoholic beverage of 2010?

Look for more next time,

Smarti

Sherriff Gello Popo

Official Editor