Actual SOTW: Will the turkey be on the floor this year?

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 38 Vol 3

Special Early Edition

Important Holidays: Thanksgiving, Black Friday

Weather:   Preemptively expect your pants to not fit this week. Bring Velcro everywhere you go. Otherwise it will all just be hangin’ out there… For the world to enjoy… Unless you like that kind of thing…

Wine of the Week: Brook Hollow Winery’s Proprieter’s Red. Coming to a LV home near you.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Nomfest

                                                            

A day of epic eating (nom)

All week I’ve been at the 10c wings, gorging myself, trying to GTL my esophagus for the Thanksgiving nomfest.

Song of the Week: The Can Can, Jacques Offenbach

Notable Accomplishments: R Jr fam enjoyed the TSO concert on Sunday.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week (by Barson): What do you make as a main dish at a vegetarian thanksgiving?  

FWN Member of the Week: Gina!

Gina’s favorite thing on the table at Thanksgiving is her very own bacon and sage stuffing. The non-family non-friend non-love material object she is thankful for is her DVR so she can now watch 16 and pregnant at her leisure . The most recent movie Gina saw in the theater was “How To Train Your Dragon”. Lastly, Gina cannot report how many pushups she can do because it may be used as incriminating evidence.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: R Jr wonders it Thanksgiving Dinner can be catered to the hot tub. If you have services available, please contact him.

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Pizzy Pants maybe don’t fit after T-giv dinner

Official Editor 

GTL My Esophagus Muscles

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 37 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:   All this week be preemptively thankful. Right now, I’m thankful that it’s Friday.  

Wine of the Week: Dr Avanti. After hearing of the Chinese trend of pouring coke in red wine I tested it out by using common household sodas (Diet Dr. Pepper) and a red wine (Viansa Sempre Avanti) to generate Dr. Avanti. The cherry, carbonation, and licorice of this was, in a word, abhorrent. It was as if I was back in college with a bottle of cream soda, three kinds of booze, and was painfully sober with the only option of mixing them all together to see what happens, and then drinking it because you’re in college and for some reason, that’s just what you do. Anyway, Dr. Avanti, I think we need to see paperwork of your qualifications because you are quite possibly a quack. And with Dr. Ali and Lawyer Liz on this alias, you won't get far with faulty documentation.

Urbandictionary word of the day (by Greggy):  Brolerance

                                                            

The degree of tolerance you have for your bros.

Greggy: Man he hit my car, stole my girl, and lit a fart in my room. But we’ve been friends since elementary school and we still are. High level of brolerance.

Song of the Week: Destiny’s Child, Say My Name

Notable Accomplishments: Starting today Barson is on vacation; the rest of us are jealous.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   It’s not quite the Thanksgiving issue yet, but we can get vamped up for it.

You are in the Macy’s Day Parade walking with a giant balloon. What balloon do you walk with? You can pick one that already exists (ex, snoopy) or one that doesn’t but you’d like it to (i.e., a blow up of Angelina Jolie… or maybe a can of peanut butter… Anything).

FWN Member of the Week: Tracy!

Tracy’s favorite thing on the table at Thanksgiving is the turkey. The non-family non-friend non-love material object she is thankful for is her crackberry. Today, Tracy is wearing a black shirt. If she had to dye her hair a nontraditional color it would be orange.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: I’m missus gobblegobble, I’m missus gravy… I’m actually missus shopaholic on black Friday and then top it off at HH. Yes yes yes.

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Pizzy Pants maybe don’t fit after T-giv dinner

Official Editor

what part of wineaux don't you understand?

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 36 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:   It’s national celebrate Cam and Nate week. You do this by adding strange British phrases to the end of every sentence. Brilliant! Cheerio. Ah, a ha!

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Enoteca

                                                            

A wine bar, or a place to go pick up wineos.

Cougar Cam picks up Cougar Ladies at the local Enoteca. Ah, grape expectations.  

Song of the Week: YMCA, village people (in honor of my gym, the YMCA, which is having “membership month” with lots of freebies and challenges)

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne lost 0.5lbs this week at the weigh in despite multiple celebratory attempts to otherwise foil weight loss. Girls Team beat Boys Team at bowling last weekend. MM and AL hiked around the NYC marathon last weekend. UM/T pulled off a surprise trip to NJ. Greggy did not shower for >48 hours (VOM). Cam got in the hot tub for the first time. REP Jr survived 48 hours away from the hot tub.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Another initial related question.

Your first initial is a title (as in, Captain)

Second two initials are the rest of the name that would make you an unlikely superhero or leader. (As in, pizzy pants).

FWN Member of the Week: Carinne's Lunch!

Today for lunch Carinne had a can of soup, a free birthday ice cream, and a diet coke. The lunch excluded the can of soup as the ice cream was eaten first and there was no longer room (or time) for soup. After lunch, a nice piece of minty gum is enjoyed to save her coworkers from halitosis.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Reply all should be fixed! The alias was regenerated. Please give it a shot by replying-all this week! Hopefully I didn’t cut anyone (so sorry if I did!).

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Pizzy Pants

Official Editor 

Quarter Centennial

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 34 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Ye Elderly Editor’s Quarter of a Century, Veteran’s Day

Weather:  Chilly but with all of that Pinot you won’t feel a darn thing.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Spot Tease

                                                            

When a parking spot appears to be open but is actually occupied by a motorcycle, smart car, etc.

Tim: Freakin’ Amish. Taking all of my spaces at the local Kwick-E-Buggy. What spot teases.

Nicole: Oh look! Spot opening near Porta-Manure!

Tim: Ugh.

Song of the Week: Mickey Avalon, Mr. Right

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne lost 1.5 lbs this week on her biggest loser; let’s hope she doesn’t gain it back this weekend. Cam is home from boot camp and recovering from toe complications. Alex and Greggy saw the first snowfall of the year on their epic seven hour drive to NJ. 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  So there’s heat miser and cold miser. What weather related miser are you?

FWN Member of the Week: The Pennsylvania Turnpike

The PA Turnpike’s favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because it gets so much traffic. If you ask what its favorite rest stop is, it is the one at appx. mile 172 because it’s clean and has a farmers market. The nice thing about the PA turnpike is if you break down there’s always a bar at the next exit (known from experience cough cough). If the turnpike were to be stranded on a desert island with one plug it would bring its EZ Pass Receptor.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: AARP will now be sponsoring the newsletter.

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Average Old Broad

Official Editor