doctor, doctor, gimme the news

Family Weekly Newsletter 

Issue 8 Vol 1

Important Holidays:  Passover, Holocaust Remembrance Day

Weather: It’s raining booze all weekend. Put your buckets out and collect some. Careful though, it’s a nasty mix, you might get a 151 drizzle followed by some ominous Jager clouds.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Rut Ro

“uh oh” in Scooby doo language

Tom: Hey Bob, isn't that your boss over there? You know, the one who you told you're sick and can't come to work?

Bob: "Rut ro."

Song of the week: H.O.V.A., Jay-Z

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne is Queen of Wings!! She also did her laundry, washed her car, and cleaned her room – all in one day!!!

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: What would you title your autobiography?

Family Member of the Week: Alex!

Alex was born in Janesville Memorial Hospital in Wisconsin (maybe). It takes her half an hour to straighten her hair. For dinner last night she had a hot dog, corn on the cob, a sno cone, and some cotton candy. Finally, she is wearing a grey t-shirt and jeans today.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Every Simpson Dance Now!

College Class of 2008

whats da newz?

Family Weekly Newsletter 

Issue 6 Vol 1

Important Holidays:  First day of Passover

Weather:  Sunshine with a 78% chance of sunburn. Tonight’s low will be a Britney Spears saga with K-Fed.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  dfl

Dead fucking last. As in a sporting event or race. Or anything else you can get last in.

How long has it been since the pirates haven’t been DFL?

Song of the week: Eddie Money, Baby Hold On

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne did her senior chemistry presentation. Also, she is Britney Spears in an sorority dance tonight. R. Eugene Jr also successfully stained the deck.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You have to give up one of these forever. Which do you pick?

Ladies: Flip flops or Chocolate? Tracy, for chocolate, sub in manicures.

Men: Alcohol or Cigars?

Family Member of the Week: Tracy for hosting all of last week’s chaos!

Tracy went to Sevier County High School, where their school mascot was the Smokey Bears. If she ever won a free vacation to the destination of her choice, it would be to Aruba. She woke up at 5:30 this morning (holy crap. Carinne might die if she had to do that), and the most recent live performance she saw was The Police at Hershey Stadium.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap clap)

 Classifieds: Hahahahaha this website is sure to cheer you up. In a gross, immature, kind of way.http://diarrheasong.blogspot.com/

So Carinne got made fun of last weekend for doing a newsletter. If you guys want them to stop, they can cease to exist, no problem.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Every Simpson Dance Now!

College Class of 2008

hot damn off the presses

Family Weekly Newsletter

 

Issue 5 Vol 1

 

 

Special Thursday issue because of travelling!

 

Important Holidays:  golfer's day, ronnie's big 4-7 birthday

 

Weather:  A musical system will be passing our area over the next few days. Some regions will get hit with barbeque sauce and coronas; better stock up on snacks and plan to not be driving anywhere for a few days.

 

Urbandictionary word of the day:  vamoose

 

1. Vaccuuming your moose

 

2. To disappear

 

He who does not feel me/ is not real to me / therefore he doesn't exist/ so poof, vamoose, son of a B*tch. (Jay-Z)

 

Song of the week: See You Again, Miley Cyrus... Zip it, I like that song

 

Notable Accomplishments: Nate will be in Florida on a swimming competition. Text him good luck; he loves texts.  Carinne has her last band concert ever, she is super sad pants.

 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:

 

Gentlemen: You have three options: either wear high heels to work, wear a thong every day for a week, or death. What do you pick?

 

Ladies: You have three options: either you cannot cut your toenails for a year, you have to have a mullet for a year, or death. What do you pick?

 

Family Member of the Week: R. Eugene the Second, the original Smoky Doggie

 

The last time Ronnie showered was at 11:00am this morning. His dream car is a BMW Z-4 (birthday idea!!!). His prom date was named Mindy. Lastly, he can run a mile in ten minutes (any challengers??)

 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap clap)

 

Classifieds: Carinne's computer has piece of shit syndrome. If you want to send condolences, forms of alcohol and money are accepted.

 

Look for more next time,

 

Carinne

Smoky smoky drinky drinky little doggies

College Class of 2008

newzy newz

Family Weekly Newsletter 

Issue 4 Vol 1

Important Holidays:  Tom’s Birthday… Also feel better Tom L

Weather:  Looks like it’ll be raining mardi gras beads with some slight haze appearing around midnight. Fogginess will ensue and a lack of clarity will be experienced as a happy hour sweeps the system. Thankfully, due to the state of the art radar, the Kodak camera will keep track of this storm system so regrets can be documented and discussed at great humility in the upcoming weeks.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  moneymoon

The time after your purchase of a good or service and before 'buyer's remorse' happens.

The moneymoon is over, I realize now that buying that boat was a waste of money.

Song of the week: House of the Rising Sun, I personally like the Bachman Turner Overdrive version, but you can take your pick

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne dropped a quarter into one of those big gallon jugs that say "land a quarter on this thing and win a free something" at pizza hut and won a free pizza. Katrina was there with her and the guy was really nice and gave her a coupon for a free pizza, too. So they've won two free pizzas.

Tom had surgery. Spam his home address with get well cards.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You are stuck in some random "Everything's $10" store in Wyoming, without any ability to get money or food sent to you from your family. You're alone for seven days. You've got $10 left to your name and you're at the $10 store. You can buy either: food for the week, a $100 bottle of wine (on sale for $10!!!), two tickets to the superbowl, or a year of free massages. What do you buy? Remember - you have no access to more money from your bank account and you cannot get any from your family. And you can't split the $10 in any way shape or form.

Family Member of the Week: Skylar!!! Skylar’s middle initial is X. She was found in a box on the side of the road and her birthday is approximately March 1, 2000. She sleeps in Michael’s bed.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Call Ronno if you'd like to have your bathroom cleaned for free. Ask for the smoky doggies special. (April foooollls)

Also, coming soon, the Family Song of the Week, the ALBUM! Only costs three easy installments of $99.99 plus s&h. Can be paid in beer.

We are looking to do a tour of the battlefields by horseback next weekend.

There are two, but I have the sinking suspicion the second one is BYO Horse. If you would be interested in doing this, for sure, e-mail Carinne so she can make a reservation.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Smoky smoky drinky drinky little doggies

College Class of 2008