like three days of free beer

Haha did the subject of the e-mail lure you?? Just kidding... It's your:

 

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 28 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Rosh Hashanah

Weather: The first weekend of fall kicks in with a wave of loneliness at the Jersey area. Southern states have recently hit by a "lame syndrome", meaning, anyone who goes there instantly becomes lame.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  frack

Sanitized replacement for "F*ck" as used on "Battlestar Galactica"

Beer Store Guy: We are all out of Natural Light.

Aunt Jul: Frack! A nattastrophy!

[UWOTD is adapted from a True Story.]

Song of the week: M.I.A., Paper Planes

Notable Accomplishments: None, you're all [homer simpson voice] bo-ring. Oh wait, Alex got into a sorority.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would you want to play you?

FWN Member of the Week: Christine!

Christine is very honored to be FWNMOTW.

Christine works with Bev. Her middle name is Marie. Her first kiss was behind the skating rink in Ebensburg, PA.  Her favorite drink to make (she's a part time bar tender) is pineapple upside down cake shots. Her favorite book is the Da Vinci Code.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  blah blah blah.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Oh yeah, it's candy corn season

Official Editor

diving boards and other dramatic turning points

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 27 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Talk like a Pirate Day (apparently this is a widespread thing because I was reminded by three FWN recipients to include this), College Homecoming, First day of Fall :(

Weather:  Reminiscent of the glory days, college graduates will drink away their sadness. Flooding due to beer tears may be an issue.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  shorty 

1.      affectionate term for a girlfriend, attractive female or concubine.

2.      A six-inch hoagie

Go shorty, it's your birthday  - 50 cent

Ron (standing outside of subway): Man, I'm hungry.

Michael: Yeah, let's go get ourselves a shorty.

Girl who is walking by #1: Ew!

Girl who is walking by #2: You guys are old! Don't hit on us!

Song of the week: Love Me Dead, Ludo

Notable Accomplishments: Bev wore underwear to work every day this week! Nice!

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: (Thanks to Mark for collaborating)

You're at a bar.

You run into (pick one)

a)      Obama

b)      McCain

c)      Arnold Schwartzenegger

You're drinking (pick one)

a)      IC Light

b)      Jagerbomb

c)      Rum straight from the bottle

You're wearing (pick one)

a)      A peg leg.

b)      A parrot on your shoulder.

c)      An eyepatch.

It's national talk like a pirate day. What do you say to them?

FWN Member of the Week: Michael! Nice! Fastest Fingers!

Only within the last 3 years has he discovered reversible belts, which he notes as "the COOLEST invention EVER!!!" (three exclamation points. Take that, grill) He saved over $1200 last year in groceries with coupons and Bonus Card Savings (and if I remember correctly, wrote a letter to the grocery store saying he should be their spokesperson). He has the videos of the Republican and Democratic National convention speeches on his Ipod. His Golfer's name on Tiger Woods for PSP is "Mick-alicious".

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Dial Carinne for a free alcohol removal estimate. Get all that old crap out of your beer fridge!

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Don't wear any more white.

Official Editor 

comraderie

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 27 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Poppy's birthday, Respect for the Aged Day (Japan)

Weather:  Zee bad german accentz vill take over zee country zis veekend for no apparent reazon. Pleez roll your "arr"s and zpit a lot. Zank oo.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Doom Buggy

1. A car that is wrecked, totaled or not drivable.

2. A very old car that needs a lot of servicing.

3. A car that is a lemon.

4. Any car that either looks like it will, or has fallen completely apart while someone was driving it

After Carinne and Alex decided to bring pet clams home via the center console in the station wagon, the car became the official doom buggy of the family.

Song of the week: Bruce Springsteen, Pink Cadillac

Notable Accomplishments: Poppy goes home on Sat. Lexy is selling Yankee Candles as a fundraiser, please contactTracy for ordering information. In last weekend's pro football games, combined scores were: Pennsylvania 76, Opponents 20. Oil barrels have recently been sold for their lowest price since April, gas prices expected to go down, woohoo! Camand Nate still haven't started school, slackers.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: In honor of the guy from Massachusetts, who made bacon flavored vodka (mmm, bloody mary with that!)… If you could make any flavor of Vodka, what would it be?

FWN Member of the Week: Carinne's Cubicle!

Carinne's cubicle currently has five different colors of post its on it. Her water bottle sits on a coaster from Liberty Steakhouse & Brewery, Myrtle Beach, SC. It roughly faces north. She does not have a window nearby, sadly.

Poppy was actually supposed to be FWNMOTW but the editor sucks and forgot to get out the questionnaire.  

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Still accepting free beer donations at Juniper.

Special Edition Section: Favorite quotes of FWN members:

It's great to have you all together!!!!

-        The one who didn't follow the rules and replied-all

I'll make him an offer he can't refuse (The Godfather).

-        Coworker C

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly (dalai lama)

-        #1 party school in the nation student

editor's comment: Proper documentation is requested, verifying the dalai lama did in fact make this statement. It seems highly unlikely that he would suggest this.

On the beach there sit two empty chairs that say more than the people that ever sit there (J. Buffett)

-        The philosopher who sits at his own bar

Crapola!

-        She who loves starbucks

"Life is a test, and when you die, it's God's way of saying 'Pencil's down'"

-        Mustang Sally

"Ungrateful f**ker!"

-        The holy, mild mannered one of the LV Household

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Don't wear any more white.

Official Editor

wokka wokka

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 26 Vol 1

In this week's issue, you'll see some fun statistics from our readers. We had a great response to the questionnaire, getting 35.7% of readers sending in their thoughts. This is higher than the national average, where when surveys are e-mailed out, usual response rates are about 20%. Thank-you, FWN members, for being so supportive and for keeping this newsletter active, credible, and a pillar of the community and integrity. Cheers to twenty six weeks and counting! Can you believe you've responded and thought about twenty-six situations you'd never contemplated before?

Important Holidays: Mark's Birthday last week was neglected to be mentioned (major apologies, you're freakin old), Steelers REAL season

Weather:  Hurricanes up the coast will pull everyone indoors, where there is nothing to do but drink. Pull out those umbrellas and chug!  

Urbandictionary word of the day:  fexpensive

(adj.) F**king expensive

Tracy: (at the grocery store) Oh nice! Oreos!

Michael: No way. It's not on sale, nor do I have a coupon. It's too fexpensive. We'll get these generic brand Flooreos instead.

Song of the week: Beatles, Twist and Shout

Notable Accomplishments: Poppy is going out to eat, scoreboard tomorrow! And he goes home next Saturday (also his birthday). Lexy is selling Yankee Candles as a fundraiser, please contact Tracy for ordering information. Research has recently shown (and proved) that with the economic downturn, alcoholic consumption went up. Alcohol sales in PA alone went up 11% this year. Bev met Jerome Bettis last Friday.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You're the producer of a reality TV show. What three people do you force to live in a 3br, 1ba apartment together (they can be any combo of famous and not famous people... ex: lexy, hannah montanah, kevin jonas)?

FWN Member of the Week: Pap, although not interviewed, has been honored on the WW2 website. He is an honorary recipient of the FWNMOTW award. 

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Now accepting all free beer donations at Juniper.

Special Edition Section:

40% of WN recipients favor the hypothetical situation of the day as their favorite part of WN. 20% chose notable accomplishments, 20% chose Urban Dict. Word of the Day, and 20% were undecided.

The rest of the questionnaire will be worked into the next edition. This one is already too long. Thanks!

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Don't wear any more white.

Official Editor