Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 25 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Labor Day!!! Oh, and Alex's birthday

Weather:  No seriously, life is just beautiful.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Manscape (verb)

The male removal of excess body hair via waxing, shaving, plucking. Also manscap - ing (pres tense).

When your chick calls you a Yeti, it might be time for a little manscaping. 

Song of the week: Four Non Blondes, What's Going On

Notable Accomplishments:  Bev beat Cam and Nate at Mini Golf; the scores were 44, 56, and 49 respectively. Barack Obama received the first ever African American nomination for a presidential candidate. Ron found a bar in California that serves wine AND allows you to smoke cigars. When Ron was in Cali, he found a Hudat Park and an Enat Winery (pronounce 'em like a Pittsburgher). School starts next week for some unenthusiastic high schoolers and middle schoolers! Carinne received her first paycheck woohoo!!! It went to rent, un-woohoo.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Hypothetically speaking, of course, if you were to have a drink after work today, where would it be and what would you be drinking? Be as specific as possible as your essay will be graded not only on content, but creativity as well (jk jk just getting y'all back in classroom mode).

FWN Member of the Week: Alex!!!

So far this year, she thinks she's on Santa's good list. This week her household chore is doing the dishes. If she had to switch her major, she'd pick English. Her favorite desserts include Carinne's spice cake (suck up), cookie cake, and forbidden cookies.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  There is a photo sale at www.shutterfly.com – you can order 15c prints, no minimum order (but yes you do have to pay shipping… usually pretty cheap though).  Alex needs an exterminator since there was a mouse in her new kitchen. Carinne has noticed that her health insurance offers discounts for memberships at gyms. If you are a gym member, maybe you should look into the discounts offered by your insurance. If you're a lazy bum, this doesn't apply to you.

Look for more next time,

Carinne 

Don't wear any more white.

Official Editor

Hubba Hubba

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 24 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Carinne's first work force happy hour, Summer Holiday (UK)

Weather:  The good hair days that have been in the region the past few days will continue through Sunday as drivers licence photos will be changed.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Beertastrophe

When something catastrophic happens to your beverage. i.e.: you drop a case and it breaks, your child spills your beer, your neighbor drinks all your beer and then you have none. Beertastrophe can be altered by substituting in your favorite brand for "beer". (See 'nattastrophe' example in Notable Accomplishments.)

Mark: Not only did Savvy knock over the fridge and break all the beer bottles inside, but Ron and George came over and drank all three kegs on tap!

Bev: That's an unspeakable beertastrophe. It sounds like a horror film - we should get movie rights.

Song of the week: Jefferson Airplane, White Rabbit

Notable Accomplishments:  Aunt Jul had a nattastrophe when she went to buy two cases of Naddy Light and the beer store only had one. Dad walked into UM's porch screen door and scraped his nose. Bev is never drinking again (jk, ha, August Fools…). Carinne is all moved in, pictures to come. It would officially suck to live in Venezuela, Egypt or Afghanistan as they came in dead last in the olympics.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Would you rather have a life-size statue of yourself (naked, I might add) in your front lawn for a summer, or have to spend a summer working part-time at minimum wage (roughly 20 hours a week) dressed as the kool-aid man standing in your local grocery store parking lot trying to give out samples (in all weather – 90 degree heat or thunderstorms, you don't get a day off)? See link below.

http://nominex.com/livejournal/koolaid.jpg

FWN Member of the Week: Aunt Jul!

Aunt Jul's first job was working for $1/hr at Mrs. Hood's farm (and sometimes the paychecks bounced). Her middle name is Anne. If Naddy Light ceased to exist all of a sudden, she would drink Bud Light. Her favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  None!

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Hitting up every Happy Hour

Counting down the seconds

Until it's 5pm.

Happy Friday

Early Edition

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 23 Vol 1

Special Early Edition for those travelling

Editor’s Note: Regretfully I inform all of you that this will be the last edition of FWN sent from Pittsburgh. Henceforward it will be sent from Doity Joisey. Please keep me updated with anecdotes for this newsletter, and I surely will publish mine. It has been a fun summer, and unfortunately the real world must commence. In more exciting news, today we welcome four new members to the FWN! Due to increasing requests, we have expanded the newsletter beyond the realm of the family. I introduce: Nicole, Christine, Mark, and Lynn! We look forward to their intellectual responses to our controversial topics presented here.

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:  New Jersey is going to be blindsided by a severe alcohol drought in the upcoming weeks. The western side of PA, however, will likely be able to help alleviate this crisis due to a surplus.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  chairdrobe

The art of piling clothes on a chair to be used in place of a closet or dresser. If a chair is not available one can always defer to a floordrobe.

I searched through my chairdrobe to find my outfit for work.

Song of the week: The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, Weezer

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne’s room was dusted and cleaned out for the first time in a decade. Alex gets to keep her bed. Nate and Carinne get to road trip to UM&T’s tonight, in the same vehicle. Aunt Jul has purchased a swine and a steer.  Alex goes back to school on Sunday. Ron gets to move two people into two new houses this week!

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You become a fortune-cookie-fortune writer. What is the prank fortune you write in one of the cookies?

FWN Member of the Week: Ramon!

Ramon’s approximate age is 5. His hearty meal of choice is a mixture of dog food and canned veggies. He sleeps in a cage beside Aunt Lynne’s bed. Ramon likes to lick Tom’s bald head (grossmeout).

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Carinne moves TODAY! Nate and Cam are now professional movers. They will work for Root Beer. Please remember, if you have a comment to be published in the newsletter, please just e-mail it before presstime. Also, Carinne’s internet access will be shaky over the next few days; please be patient in waiting for e-mail responses.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Jersey or Bust

College Class of 2008

I kissed a girl and I liked it

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 22 Vol 1 

Important Holidays:  Michael’s Birthday, Olympics Begin, Steelers Pre-Season Game

Weather:  A feeling of depression will wash over the states during the upcoming week as most everyone will be feeling rather inadequate. Watching the Olympics, we all will realize what lazy bums we are and how out of shape we are. Recuperation will begin via beer and football as the week progresses, though. Who planned that? Pre-season games AND the Olympics? All in the same week? Bad job exec committee.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  flatuglance

The look that someone gives another person when they pass gas in public.

Dude, Rachael totally farted today during class, so I flatuglanced her.

Song of the week: American Boy, Estelle ft Kanye West

Notable Accomplishments: Lexy rode all of the roller coasters at Hershey Park. UM & T & Lexy survived a weekend in a campground that has warnings against the bears. Ron and Bev went snorkeling, and Alex Cam & Nate still haven’t burned the house down. Carinne won a T-shirt, beer koozie, and keychain that doubles as a bottle opener at the bar. UM won a t-shirt and a hat. They played trivia against two guys, both named beaver. Haha.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Who would you bet on in a fight, captain morgan or cap'n crunch? why?

Family Member of the Week: UM!!!

UM’s shoe size is 12. Fruity Pebbles is his favorite cereal. For his birthday, UM wants financial freedom forever (the three Fs). Lastly, if he were stuck on a desert island with one plug and one kitchen appliance, it would be a fridge.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Carinne moves next Wed or Thurs or Fri. Please don’t mail her anything until the end of next week so she can be sure to be there when mail arrives. 

Look for more next time,

Carinne

To h*ll with welfare

I’m EMPLOYED!!!!

But still can only afford crappy beer.

College Class of 2008

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES... oh where ya from, you sexy thing.

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 21 Vol 1

Super Early AM Edition because the Editor Cannot Sleep.

Important Holidays:  Lexy’s Birthday

Weather:  It’s raining pizza and beer. The heavens are rejoicing. CARINNE GOT A JOB.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Nat-ta-boy

What you hear when you bring a thirty-pack of Natty Light to a party.

“Nat-ta-boy, Carl! Now we can start up the pong of beer again!”

Song of the week: Metallica, ‘The Call of Ktulu’, S&M Live Album version

Notable Accomplishments:  CARINNE GOT A JOB! DID YOU HEAR??? NO??? CARINNE GOT A JOB!!!

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: What’s the magic word???

Family Member of the Week: Angel!!!

Angel is five years old. Her nick name is devil dog. She is a cocker spaniel. Aunt Lynne is her favorite chew toy.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:   None because CARINNE HAS A JOB. Oh wait. If you, or someone you know, has crap to get rid of (couches tables dishes etc), contact her. SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR PETS. Also, the FWN future is uncertain. HOPEFULLY this can continue, regardless of the editor’s position. If not, it was fun while it lasted. We shall see.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

No longer destitute

College Class of 2008