Eau de Sunscreen

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 11 Vol 5

Important Holidays: Memorial Day

Weather:  Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today. [It's coooold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?] Not hardly. And you know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing. [That blizzard - thing. That blizzard - thing. Oh, well, here's the report! The National Weather Service is calling for a "big blizzard thing!"] Yessss, they are. But you know, there's another reason why today is especially exciting. [Especially cold!] Especially cold, okay, but the big question on everybody's lips... [On their chapped lips...] On their chapped lips, right: Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow? [Punxsutawney Phil!] Thats right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's GROUNDHOG DAY!

Urbandictionary word of the day: Splenda Daddy

A man who strives to be a sugar daddy but doesn’t have the funds to pull it off.

After hitting the clubs at the Jersey Shore, Carinne realized all of the dudes in NJ were splenda daddies as they were in their thirties and hadn’t moved out of their parent’s houses yet.

Song of the Week: Alex Clare, Too Close

Trainer Tip of the Week: (Temporary special section as Carinne is voluntarily getting her butt kicked at the gym with a trainer) Protein helps keep blood sugar from spiking too high or low. Including a protein source with each meal or snack can help you prioritize and balance your intake and cravings. This includes eggs, cottage cheese, yogurt, nuts/natural peanut butter, edamame, beans, hummus, or grilled meats.      

Notable Accomplishments:  Wine Fest 2012 was an epic success. Alex passed her praxis. A number of FWN members are ill or injured; wishing all a speedy recovery and a healthy upturn. Cam will return from his first round of out-of-state army duty of the summer only to leave again next week.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    It’s Memorial Day Weekend! You’re all ready for your boozin’ and beachin’. Unfortunately on Thursday, before the weekend, you went down to the local gypsy, got a little ballsy, and drank some of her mystery juice. Which unfortunate side effect do you have to deal with for the next 72 hours?

a)      (women only can pick) An unusually large amount of chest hair (and no, your razor, Nair, weed wacker, can’t tackle this… And you can’t wear a shirt to cover it up.)

b)      (men only can pick) A tan line on the top of your chest that makes it appear you wore a woman’s bikini top in the sun for a few days without sunscreen… And unfortunately, like the women, you can’t wear a shirt to cover it up.

c)      Everytime someone says the word “Shark”, you run down the beach like Hasselhoff or Pamela because you genuinely think you’re on Baywatch

d)      An overwhelming sense of threat from every person wearing red swim trunks, so much so that you leap up and challenge them to a sand castle building duel when they walk in front of you.

FWN Member of the Week: Nate!     

Nate has some exciting events coming up in the next few weeks, including Prom tonight and graduation in June. Congrats Nate!

If Nate could sing any song for karaoke and be guaranteed to pull it off, he’d pick Big Bang from Caddyshack. 90 Seconds ≤ how long Nate can hold his breath ≤ how long George can hold his breath. Nate would choose to live underwater versus in space. Lastly, his favorite class in high school was precalculus (honors precalculus, he specifies).  

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada   

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Web M.D.

Official Editor

Danged if you Fondue, danged if you Fondon't

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 11 Vol 5

Important Holidays: None

Weather:  After your significant other exposes you to Dalton’s Law which relates to gases and pressures, and your friend exposes you to Murphy’s Law, you decide to create your own Law, which unfortunately does not get passed by the house and senate. Lame.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Cyclops Date

A date with someone you’ve met on the internet; not quite a blind date, because you’ve seen photos/emailed/texted, etc.

After RE Jr’s phone number was mistakenly put on craigslist, he was contacted for a Cyclops date by multiple people.

Song of the Week: Beastie Boys, Paul Revere

Trainer Tip of the Week: (Temporary special section as Carinne is voluntarily getting her butt kicked at the gym with a trainer) Stretch. Stretch a lot. Before you go to sleep, when you wake up. Stretch. Go stretch right now. Streeeetch.    

Notable Accomplishments:  The real thing is not who won UNO last weekend, but the fact that Nate lost. Carinne and Allie had a great time at the beer festival, tasting roughly 72 different kinds of beers. Current tennis game rankings are Nate: 14 Alex: 1. Carinne got a free pint of Victory beer. RE Jr is on the trivia leaderboard.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    Although some of you may have been asked this as part of your member of the week question, it is being recycled: What game show would you choose to be on if given the opportunity? Please note, game show is not reality TV so things like Survivor do not apply.

FWN Member of the Week: AJ!     

The editor is a failure and did not submit the questionnaire in a reasonable time frame for AJ to reply.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada   

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

The Year of Epic

Official Editor

Dumpelstiltskin: The Rumpelstiltskin of Dumplings

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 10 Vol 5

Important Holidays: Mother’s Day

Weather:  Sunny. Perhaps rainy at points.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Manathon

1.      (noun) Dudes spending an extended interval of time with other dudes.

2.      (verb) When a girl serially dates multiple guys in a short period of time.

Cigar fest is the ultimate manathon.

Song of the Week: O.A.R., Crazy Game of Poker

Trainer Tip of the Week: (Temporary special section as Carinne is voluntarily getting her butt kicked at the gym with a trainer) Take whole wheat pita slices and put PB on them for a healthy snack and a way to get a bit of extra protein. Another option if your protein is lacking, carry a portion of nuts around with you as a snack.   

Notable Accomplishments:  Brandi had her baby! Brielle was 6lbs 4oz.  OGGW 2k12 was a raging success. Carinne won a beer photo contest and got a sweet t-shirt. Bev got a bowling pin water bottle. Cam finished his semester. Carinne and Allie had a successful Dive Bar Derby.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    If you could be transported to an alien world where you were the best looking, smartest, wealthiest, most respected individual there, would you?

FWN Member of the Week: MM!     

The US city MM has never been to and would like to visit is New Orleans. For breakfast this morning she had life cereal and coffee, the latter of which she takes in a cup and black. Lastly, the kitchen utensil that best describes MM’s personality is a whisk, because she’s taken vicoden all week so she’s whipped. (Does anyone else recall Issue 3 Vol 5 where her daughter also chose the whisk? Like mother like daughter!)

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada   

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

The Year of Epic

Official Editor

May the Fourth Be With You

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 9 Vol 5

Important Holidays: National Star Wars Day, Cigar Fest, Cinco de Mayo, Brandi’s Birthday

Fun Fact: The actor who played Darth Maul in the Star Wars Phantom Menace is named “Ray Park” who was born in Scotland. He also played Chuck Norris in another movie, so apparently he’s from the badazz side of the family. For anyone who watches Heroes, he is Edgar on that series, so you may also recognize him from that. Long lost cousin perhaps, who is an honorary member of this issue.

Weather:  Just like saying “le” in front of everything doesn’t make you fluent French, preceding words with “el” doesn’t make you fluent in Spanish. But feel free to try, and when your fake accent annoys an immigration officer so much that he deports you to a Spanish speaking country, you will be grateful for all of the Spanish phrases you learned in songs so that you can get around (ie, Feliz Navidad).

Urbandictionary word of the day (by MM): Exhaustipated

When you’re just too tired to give a sh*t

Barson: I see the Cheez-Its spilled on my bed, and Lana laying across it. But I’m too exhaustipated to do anything. Let’s hope I don’t wake up with food in my hair.

Song of the Week: Ai Se Eu Te Pego, Michel Telo (currently #1 on Latin Billboards)

Trainer Tip of the Week: (Temporary special section as C is voluntarily getting her butt kicked at the gym with a trainer) Instead of using tortilla chips with salsa/guac dips, slice up some bell peppers into chunks to use instead. Cuts on the carbs and is healthy!

Notable Accomplishments:  Get well soon cards go to MM as she is having thumb surgery this week. C threw out her drinking arm but it has recovered in time for the weekend. Brandi had a surprise baby shower today at work. Alex’s car hit 180,000 miles. Greggy graduated, and is running the marathon this weekend. C is still on the trivia leaderboard. The stogie bar crawl last weekend was a success.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    Celebrity Deathmatch… Combining the cultures: Chiquita Banana Lady (female banana) vs Chewbacca.

FWN Member of the Week: Brandi!     

Brandi’s first kiss was during a truth or dare game on the steps of a school, and she is still good friends with that person. The US city she’s never been to but would like to visit is LA, so she could see all of the places in Pretty Woman, with Hollywood Blvd in particular. Her desktop background is her baby sonogram, and she does not like spicy food.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: AL will be hosting a Thirty-One Party; be on the lookout for invites.   

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

The Year of Epic

Official Editor