Polamalu Island

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 41 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Boxing Day, Aunt Jul's Birthday, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day

Weather: With Saturday's 62 degree day forecast, get your lights down, get your car washed, and play some tennis. Just get outside!

Urbandictionary word of the day:   merry textmas

The use of text messaging to send Christmas greetings.

Nate: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: happy holidays

Alex: Dang it Nate, stop forwarding me merry textmases!

Song of the week: Phish, Auld Lang Syne

Notable Accomplishments: Nate's infatuation with Forwarded Chain Letter Text Messages has gotten out of control. Cam beat everyone in the Wii game, "Outdoor Challenge". Tom, UM, Cam won on their xmas lottery tickets. Alex cleaned the entire House and did most of the wrapping, too. But it is already a mess again.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:.What is your New Year's Resolution?

Editor's: To not eat cereal for dinner for the entire month of January.

FWN Member of the Week: Aunt Jul! Happy Birthday!

AJ woke up at 755am on Christmas morning. Her favorite Christmas song is Judy Garland's "Merry Little Christmas". When she swam, she enjoyed swimming any stroke but the backstroke. The most recent book she read was "New Moon" from the Twilight series.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds:  Please feel free to hire Alex to do any odd jobs you may need done. Cleaning, painting, shopping, wrapping, although it's a little late for that, she's in for all of it. Happy Holidays to Lexy, we missed you yesterday.

Happy Holidays and wishing all of you the best from FWN. The new year promises to be incredible!

Look for more next time,

C

'09 is so Fine

Official Editor

Now bring us some Figgy Pudding

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 40 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Hanukkah, Winter officially begins, Christmas Eve, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, Christine's Birthday

Weather: Watch out for the deer, and some mysterious "ho ho hos" hiding behind the chimney…

Special Holiday Section: For the third year and counting, you can create a snowflake online at "snowdays" and comment on other's snowflake. Very chill! http://www.popularfront.com/snowdays/

Urbandictionary word of the day:   Festivus

n. An alternative to the crass commercialization of Christmas, typically celebrated on December 23. Festivus is a holiday created by Mr. Castanza after he failed to buy a doll for his beloved son George. It involves The Airing of Grievances (telling your family and friends all the ways they have disappointed you during the year) and does not end until the Feats of Strength (pinning the head of the family in a wrestling match) are accomplished. A plain, metal pole is used in lieu of a Christmas tree, because decorations (such as tinsel) are distracting from the true meaning of the holiday. The holiday's motto is "a Festivus for the rest of us". For a period of over 20 years, Festivus was suspended from celebration only to be reincarnated by Cosmo Kramer in 1998.

Nate: Dear Cam, you let me down with the beer pong tournament when we came in dead last this year.

Cam: Dear Nate, I hate festivus. It was your own fault.

Another Festivus miracle! 

Song of the week: Faith Hill, O Holy Night

Notable Accomplishments: Hanover members have officially finished their xmas shopping (with five days to spare!). Lexy had a competition in Baltimore; they hit 3/5 stunts. Ron's car has been returned. Carinne planned a cookie exchange at work that went fabulously. If Santa's reindeer get sick, Lana and Scout have been chosen to be backups.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is pretty demonic, and 10 is Mother Theresa, rank yourself on your naughty/nice-ness this year. Santa's watching, so evaluate yourself honestly.

FWN Member of the Week: Christine! Her birthday is next Friday!

Christine's favorite reindeer is Vixen. In high school her mascot was the red devils. She wears size 8 ½ shoes and she can hold her breath for ~30 sec (due to a chest cold).

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds:  Cold house? Need to warm it up? Burn some coal! Call Cam n Nate after Thursday to purchase some at half price due to a surplus!

Look for more next time,

Carinnie

Don't shoot your eye out

Official Editor

champagne punch, homemade eggnog, and cans of fake snow

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 39 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather: Twas the two weeks before xmas, and all through the land, snow is a-fallin', and there's a beer in every hand. Keep it jolly all!

Special Holiday Section: What's your elf name?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/shropshire/features/christmas/name_generator.shtml

Urbandictionary word of the day:   nom nom nom

Represents the sound made when someone is eating or chewing something and really enjoying it.

"Blimpie! What are you doing?"

"Nom nom nom."

Song of the week: Adam Sandler, The Chanukah Song

Notable Accomplishments: Lexy and Tracy went to NYC last weekend, and survived. Cam made WPIAL time at last night's meet. Alex completed another semester at college.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You need to name a drink using all of your initials in order. What is it? Please feel free to add any specifics (recipes), and bonus points if you make a tagline for commercial sales. Anything alcoholic – beer, wine, liquor, moonshine – legal or not legal: it flies.

For example, if my initials were OLB, I might name a drink Old Lady Beer (Keeps the dentures clean but sends the granny panties flyin'!). INZ may be Ill Neck Zinfindel.

FWN Member of the Week: Bev! Because she rescued the missing issues 2&3 of the newsletter!

Bev's favorite reindeer is Vixen. Her favorite Holiday Drink is red wine. Instead of lunch today, she is simply eating all day (she's having a "Grazing Party"). Her high school and mascot was the Knoch Knights.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds:  "It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ..."

"What's a ZJ?"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Look for more next time,

Cutie Hot Helper (elf names rock)

I wouldn't touch you with a 39 ½ ft pole

Official Editor 

scrumptious curls

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 38 Vol 1

Important Holidays: None; therefore celebrate your own fabulousness.

Weather: A wretched soreness is moving through the area. Buy lots of beer and Bengay to alleviate your pain.

Special Holiday Song: The twelve days of Christmas, as written by WN members:

On the 12^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Twelve months off!

On the 11^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: An eleven day cruise!

On the 10^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: A ten bedroom house!

On the 9^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Nine faces!

On the 8^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Eight hot dogs!

On the 7^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Seven swans a swimming!

On the 6^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Six bottles of wine!

On the 5^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Five tall hot blondes!

On the 4^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Four winning lottery tix

On the 3^rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Three hot fudge Sundaes

On the 2^nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Two new nieces and nephews

On the 1^st day of Christmas my true love gave to me: And one great weekly newsletter!

Urbandictionary word of the day:   grill 

1. One's personal business

2. One's teeth/smile 

3. Ron's excuse to smoke a cigar

1. Carinne: I need Christmas lists!

   Mum-mum: Why you all in my grill? You'll get me list when I'm good and ready.

2. Lexy's grill has all kinds of bling with her braces.

3. LV dinner menu, week of Dec 1.

            Monday: Grilled Chicken

            Tuesday: Shishkabob

            Wednesday: Ribs

            Thursday: Leftover grilled chicken from Monday, re-grilled so it's "blackened chicken"

            Friday: Grilled corn on the cob and grilled cheese

If Ron's cigar stash on Monday = x cigars, then Ron's cigar stash on Friday = x – 300.

Song of the week: Tom Petty, Christmas All Over Again

Notable Accomplishments: Cam and Nate's first swim meet is tonight. Next week is Alex's finals week. Did you know that every year a couple hundred people write in their own Presidential nominee – "Jack Daniels"? Haha. Carinne's hip hurts really bad. Bev motions to put her down.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: We've all heard the weird names for kids from famous stars. Gwyneth Paltrow's Apple. Alex is planning on naming her first child Bovish. Cam and Nate have made their children on the Wii with their weird names (okeefinokee?). So, you know you've thought of a weird name you'd like to name your child. What is your weird name you'd use?

True story: Editor knew a person from college who always thought the word "chlamydia" was very pretty, and would use it for a name if it wasn't an STD.

FWN Member of the Week: Cameron!

Cam's favorite reindeer is Comet. His favorite event to swim is the 100 fly. On Monday (mind you, there was no school Monday), he woke up at 6:15am, but not mentally until 8:56 and 47 sec (when practice ended). Given the choice between a hamburger or a taco, he picked a taco.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Does anyone have an extra cell phone earpiece laying around? Not necessarily a blue tooth, just a wire one. Carinne would like it. Publish your X-mas lists, thanks!

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Ho ho ho!

Official Editor 

No Soup For You

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 37 Vol 1

Important Holidays: World AIDS day

Weather: stuffy with a 100% chance of Lana snorting snow. (It's crack cocaine! I'm in a wonderland!)

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Cougar

An older woman who chases after a younger man. Includes MILFs.

A famous cougar is Demi Moore.  

Song of the week: Picked by AK: Highway to Hell, ACDC

Notable Accomplishments: FWN welcomes miss Alison to the newsletter recipients! Cam brought riddles to the Thanksgiving dinner table. Alex is at the Pitt-WVU football game. Carinne won the family scavenger hunt on T-giving.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Your backyard brawl this year is the Muppets vs the Looney Tunes. First, which team are you the coach of (see both rosters below)? Who is your starting quarterback (feel free to additionally include any other players you so desire)?

Your Muppets Draft:

Miss Piggy, Kermit, The Great Gonzo, Fozzie, The Swedish Chef, Animal, Elmo, Rowlf the Dog, Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Oscar

Your Looney Tunes Draft:

Daffy Duck – Sylvester the Pussycat – Bugs Bunny – Elmer Fudd – Porky Pig – Marvin the Martian – Tweety – Road Runner – Pepe le Pew – Wile E. Coyote – Tasmanian Devil

FWN Member of the Week: Lexy!

Lexy's favorite reindeer is Rudolph. Her middle name is Nicole. For breakfast, she ate a chocolate cinnamon roll. Lastly, if she could be on any TV show, it would be Paris Hilton my New BFF (I've never seen that).

Classifieds: Feel better, Tom. Carinne went to American Eagle.com and the site was down, so they offered an extra 20% off code. Enter this number if you shop online: 87954302 for the code.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Jingle Bells. Grouchy Pants.

Official Editor 

Ever try sliding down a bobsled run naked?

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 36 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Turkey Day

Weather: Extreme bloating will take over the nation. Bring your gas-ex and tide pens with you at all times this week.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Vegetarian Vampire

A vampire that drinks animal blood, and resists human blood.

I don't have a sentence. 

Song of the week: B.B King, Eric Clapton: Riding with the King

Notable Accomplishments: Cam and Nate have survived, so far, varsity swimming. Snow has been sighted in western PA.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Pick your poison:

a)      Be a vegetarian on Thanksgiving

b)      Be a retail worker on Black Friday

c)      Get the runs (read: explosive diarrhea) while on the Turnpike

FWN Member of the Week: Tracy!

For breakfast today, Tracy had a granola bar and yogurt. Her favorite pair of shoes are black. The first concert she ever saw was Stevie Knix. Lastly, when in high school, Tracy played tennis, softball, and was a majorette in the band. 

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Has anyone read the Twilight series? I've been hearing really good reviews about the books from a lot of people. Also, there may not be a FWN issue next week. We'll see.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Gobble gobble… Gizzard

Official Editor

bangers & mash

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 35 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Mexico's Revolution Anniversary

Weather: Frickin freezin frickin freezin BRR. Get out them tharr winter jackets before yew blizzard yer brewski offa dem hands rite thurr. Brr.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  MIRF

noun. acronym for Mom I'd Run From. The opposite of a MILF. A mom you definitely would not want to do.

Common MIRFs (in C opinion, feel free to add): Raymond's Mom from Everyone Loves Raymond, Barbara Bush, Courtney Love, Hillary Clinton

Song of the week: It's A Camper Inside, Nate 

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne went to see "Zach and Miri Make a Porno"; it is set and filmed in Pittsburgh(Monroeville). Cam stayed overnight at the army barracks last night. Alex teaches Kindergartners. Aunt Jul's son Josh got engaged.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Editor's answer: Astronaut

FWN Member of the Week: Tom!!

If Tom could have any superpower, it would be to fly. His favorite shirt is any penguins T-shirt. His shoe size is 10 ½ 4E (WTF is 4E?!?!?). Lastly, his favorite part of thanksgiving is the Turkey.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  We are looking for issues 2&3 of the Weekly Newsletter. Please check your inbox, deleted items, and sent items (if you responded, you might have a copy in your sent). Thanks all. Please please help in our efforts to find these historical documents!

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Gobble gobble… Gizzard

Official Editor