I haven't showered in four days

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 37 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Cyber Monday

Weather:  With the onset of packed fridges and turkey in tupperware, please take caution to avoid driving after too much tryptophan. Roads may be in unsafe conditions due to drowsiness.

Urbandictionary word of the day: PED XING

A wealthy Chinese philanthropist who paid large sums of money to have his name plastered everywhere, so that people would remember who he was. 

AL/T almost got run over by an eighteen wheeler due to not correctly honoring the ped xing sign. 

Song of the Week: Franz Ferdinand, No You Girls

Notable Accomplishments:  No stomach explosions due to turkey intake. Cam got into College. Carinne and Alex survived Black Friday Shopping. Anna did very well at Apples to Apples. 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: So you got up at 3am, got in line outside of the store in the pouring rain, and you get in. When you reach the counter with the gift you wanted to buy, that perfect gift you were waiting to get and woke up so early to obtain, you grab the last one. One second after you grab it, one small second, someone else puts their hand on that item too. And doesn't let go.

A glaredown ensues. Do you:

a) Punch them in the face and run

b) Say "I'll make you an offer you can't refuse." (please define this offer.)

c) Let them have it

d) Use your backup mace and yell "serenity now"? (or hoochie mama)

e) Other?

FWN Member of the Week:  The office of FWNMOTW is closed this week. Normal hours will resume on Monday at 8am ET.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Sleighbells ring...

Look for more next time,

C-rin

Let's Gooo Mountaineers

Official Editor 

we had never heard of a dump closed on thanksgiving before

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 36 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Thanksgiving

Weather:  Carinne is driving to Pitt on Tues. Expect rain. Carinne is driving to HH on Wed. Expect boozestorms to start and continue through Thurs. Carinne is driving to Morgantown on Friday. Expect a mountaineer victory.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Skanksgiving

Being socially unacceptable on the days surrounding Thankgiving; typically caused by intoxication (Wed), bloating/gas (Thur), or punching other soccer moms over a talking Elmo doll (Black Friday)

This year, the Thanksgiving weekend was monumental. Barson and Carinne got hammered at HH on Wednesday, causing Cam and Cind-ay to have to come pick them up. Barson vommed in the Jeep. Thursday, Bev ate too much stuffing and her pants button popped off and hit Tom in the face. Lynne got defensive and in her attempt to punch Bev, she missed and hit Nate instead. AJ stepped back and didn’t get involved in that fight, but the next morning while in line for the 3am special of buy-one-get-one sale of Natty Light 30-packs she kneed a 21 year old where it hurts for the last case. All in all, a classy Skanksgiving.

Song of the Week: Fade Into You, Mazzy Star

Notable Accomplishments:  Lexy made honor roll. Marco bowled a 174 last night and Bev got a record breaking 169. Marco/R Jr were victims of the airport glitch and had to find alternate transportation home. Nicole and BK almost got run over by a Penske truck. Lana’s lover, Alex, has returneth, and Scout, her boyfriend, got his electric fence collar taken off so he can now visit Lana at her house. All four Ron Jr children are officially in relationships (this has never happened before, fyi). R Jr/Husband (Mark) have a romantic wine getaway planned to DC on Tuesday. Bev and Nicole spent one day this week stuck in court. Carinne has avoided the warrant for her arrest thus far. Alex got a job.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: What is one material thing you are thankful for? No people, family, love nonsense. That’s given.

FWN Member of the Week: Aunt Lynne!

AL’s homepage is the AOL/Compaq desktop combination. The most recent alcoholic beverage AL drank was a glass of wine. Her favorite food at thanksgiving is stuffing, and if she were on a desert island with one plug and one appliance it would be an electric teakettle so she could make (non-iced) tea.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: HH, Wednesday the 25^th… Come one, come all to the drafternoon…

Look for more next time,

C-rin

Countdown to Gobble Gobble

Official Editor

Stay centered without losing your shorts

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 35 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Friday the 13^th

Weather: Less than 14 days, folks, until massive bloating and pants popping due to excessive nom nom nom (vol 1 issue 39). Avoid bursts of wind from this region by starting your workout regiment to alleviate some pressure!

Urbandictionary word of the day: Caps Lock Voice

Yelling in real life (loud voice) çè Yelling via email (caps lock)

Using the caps lock to yell; using your vocal chords loudly to produce a caps lock voice

R Jr: I’m at the grocery store!   Sent via my Verizon Wireless Blackberry Device

MJ: What! WHAT WHAT! I’m stuck at this EFFING DESK JOB while you have ALL THE FUN!    Sent via my AT&T Blackberry Device

Ron (via voice phone): You aren’t at your desk if it is sent via your blackberry device. I speak crackberry

Michael (via voice phone): Yeah, I’m at HH. Drafternoon commence!

Ron: WHAT WHAT! Don’t make me use my caps lock voice! WHAT WHAT!

Song of the Week: Jack Johnson, Sitting Waiting Wishing

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne ate a whole lot of strawberries, so many so that she got a stomachache. Tom is recovering but doing well after injuries last week. Monte Associates won all three bowling games in their bowling league last night. Nate has a hot date Saturday night. 100% of the R SR/MM children will attend this weekend’s Penguins game.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: What potato chip flavor best describes you? Either describes you currently, or as a general statement about your life.  

FWN Member of the Week: Marco!

Marco’s current computer background is a green screen with the company logo. The most recent song he listened to on his iPod was 1901 by Phoenix. His shampoo can be described as apple essence, which is very tasty to his “ole factory” nerve. When in high school, he was one of the Foxes.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

C-rin

Countdown to Gobble Gobble

Official Editor

You've gone completely sideways, man

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 34 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Editor Birthday, Veteran’s Day

Weather: The south again invades the north throughout the weekend with both troops and weather. It will be warm and slightly crowded up above the Mason Dixon line – just have a cold drink in your hand and you’re good to go.  

Urbandictionary word of the day: D!ck magnet

1. The opposite of a chick magnet: when a girl attracts a large amount of guys.
2. Editor uses this to describe a period of time when a girl only dates jerks.

As soon as UM went to the bathroom at the bar, three other guys game up and started talking to Tracy. She’s a total d!ck magnet.

Song of the Week: Grand Funk Railroad, Some Kind of Wonderful

Notable Accomplishments:   Today is Bev’s 9^th anniversary at work. Nate got is driver’s permit and his class ring. Cam is away at drill this week. Alex got a little in her sorority. REP Jr went 4 days without a stogie. Nicole moved into her new house. Someone TP-ed Dale’s Car (haaaa!). All quarterbacks who have won the superbowl have had cleft chins.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: For those of you new to the newsletter, this is a very involved question that revolved around a series of issues, as defined below. Feel free to play “catch up” and answer all, some, or none of the questions involved.

You’ve got your signature drink ( Issue 39 vol 1 where you created a drink based on your initials). You’ve got your bar name (Issue 52 vol 1). So now, you’re making your soda or child friendly beverage for those non-alcoholic personnel. What do you name it/what it’s modeled after?

For inspiration, think of how Mr Pib / Docter Thunder is Dr Pepper, Mountain Lightning is Mt Dew, etc.

A brief reminder about the previous HSOTW: (and if you didn’t answer these questions before, feel free to do so now)

You need to name a drink using all of your initials in order. What is it? Anything alcoholic – beer, wine, liquor, moonshine – legal or not legal: it flies.

Some of our answers:  Cocktail Pink Panther (A sneaky drink for the sleuthy souls), Butt Kickin Punch (have some with lunch!), Deelishous Mouthsmacking PinotNoir, Ron’s Evangelical Pinot (Smooth As Heaven!), Distinctive Lager #7 (Better than the other six!), Triple Danger Punch, Nymphatic Red Bull (It’ll make you horny),  Absinthe Martini Hypnotized,  MoJo Potion (are you “up” for it?), Gina Must Now Party Pale Ale, and Jiz sny Margarita!

So you’ve got your drink – now you’re opening a bar. What do you name it?

Answers for bar names: Relax Enjoy Party Haus (he stayed with his initials), Givers (not to be confused with Takers), Slurpy's, My Joyful Place, The Gym

FWN Member of the Week: Carinne’s Camera

Carinne’s old camera is in a painful state and has nearly reached the end of its life. It documented great times such as pumpkin carving at Gettysburg, Wine Festivals in York, and trips to Ocean Isle. Carinne’s Camera’s favorite pictures to take were the self portraits of Carinne. It can hold up to 1800 photos and/or 45 minutes of video.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Mmm... cake

Look for more next time,

C-rin

It’s my birfday

Official Editor