I really don't like cantaloupe

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 16 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Tracy’s Birthday, Canada Day

Weather:  We’ve finally reached that heat wave status, where, if not air conditioned properly, people will run to the streets yelling “It’s getting hot in herre”, and subsequently take off all of their clothes. Protect yourself from this heat wave by not wearing deodorant; that will keep most of those naked screaming crazies at bay.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Rescue Chip

The chip you use to fish out the pieces of your original chip that broke apart the dip.

Blimpie’s rescue chip is a spoon.

Song of the Week: Eric Clapton, Layla

Notable Accomplishments:  MM’s surgery went well (e-get well cards encouraged) and Poppy is enjoying in-patient rehab. Lexy returned from Georgia, UM returned from Pittsburgh. Nate had his first driving lesson, Carinne is counting down the days until he can legally pick her drunk azz up from the bar. Nate also cooked steaks on the grill. ~55 days until Cam’s return.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: In light of recent “bizarre competitions”, such as extreme ironing and texting through obstacle courses, you are creating your own bizarre competition. You may choose to invent something you would actually be a contender in. What is it? This may be inspiration for next year’s Sibling Olympics.

FWN Member of the Week: Tracy!

Tracy’s homepage is currently msn.com. Her favorite letter of the alphabet is B, and her favorite dessert is cheesecake. The most recent beverage she drank was a diet pepsi.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nate has a 2 mile open water swim upcoming this weekend.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Emitremmus

Official Editor

Tag Teaming the Lawn Mower Race

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 15 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Father’s Day, First Day of Summer, Gina’s Birthday

Weather:  When those annoying drunk girls enter the bar like a hurricane, your best possible precautionary action is to send them all a round of shots – filled with water. They’ll get the message. Make sure you have a posse in case a fight ensues.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Rock Star Parking

Getting a parking spot extremely close to the desired destination. Antonyms: employee parking, loser lot

Dale has permanent Rock Star Parking on LV

Song of the Week: Black Eyed Peas, I Gotta Feeling

Notable Accomplishments: The sun is still shining. Celebrate profusely.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Would You Rather:

a)      Be a special guest on Docta Phil (oh and it’s a three-hour-special episode, too)

b)      Be on celebrity death match against Oprah

c)      Be in court appealing a ticket, but the judge is Jerry Springer

d)      Be in a 5k three-legged-race competition with Stephen Colbert?

Playing golf with Bob Barker was going to be an option but, meh, that’s been done.

FWN Member of the Week: Gina!

Because life’s uncertain we’ll do dessert first: Gina’s favorite is chocolate cake with cream cheese icing. Her favorite class in high school was English Lit, and a memorable birthday was when she turned 18, was over-served, and her best friend Wendy and herself reportedly had to “run from the ‘killer sheep’ that were apparently inhabiting her back yard.” Lastly, her home page is set to http://primetime.tv.yahoo.com/ , the site where her little brother talks about prime time TV and gets as many as 3.7 million viewers a day.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Salsa, que pasa?

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Epic Failure: Hossa

Official Editor 

My weapon of choice is a spatula

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 14 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Stanley Cup Game Seven, Flag Day

Weather:  New weather technology for this week's FWN edition: sciencey predictions from the editor's fortune cookie at last night's china buffet identify CP's lucky number to be 12. What's today's date? (six-TWELVE) Who is playing tonight? (da PENS) This offers a great forecast for western PA-ers. Hope all of you below the mason-dixon get the game! 

Urbandictionary word of the day: All the (noun)s in (same noun)ville go boo hoo boo hoo

Phrase, commonly used by REPin voicemails left to CP, used to demonstrate immense sorrow.

Actual examples:

Ron, after cigars got banned from HH: All the Rons in Ronville go boo hoo boo hoo.

Ron, after the Flyers were kicked out of the Stanley cup playoffs: All the Flyers in Flyerville go boo hoo boo hoo.

Song of the Week: Mims, Move (If you wanna)

Notable Accomplishments: Nate’s last day of school, Hanovers return from OBX, Ron was in enemy camp (Detroit) earlier this week and had to go through severe aviary flu testing before being permitted to return to LV, Nicole went to her 153^6^th NKOTB concert last night, Carinne found a great new dive bar in central PA. Private Cam only has 65 days left of basic training!

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Offer a really bad pick up line that would never work but you'd like it to.

Ex: Oh you're from Pittsburgh? My cousin dated kordell stewart

Ex: There's a test tube in my drink

FWN Member of the Week: Pap!

Pap turned 85 last week. He enjoys growing and distributing asparagus. He also likes working at the golf course, and driving his brown truck.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Carinne is now taking all 1999 honda accord engine donations

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley

Bring me the…

Not finishing due to superstition

Official Editor 

Beyond the Call of Booty

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 13 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Stanley Cup Playoffs, Pap’s 85^th Birthday, Cam leaves for boot camp

Weather:  It’s getting awfully aviary out there folks; the radar shows swarms of Red Wings in the region. Coming in early tomorrow evening, this red cloud will be twisted into a frenzy of black and gold as the Penguins devour the red wings. Just steer clear of wearing any red and white and you should be protected from this system!

Urbandictionary word of the day: (suggested by MA) Drunxting

The act of aimlessly texting everyone you know from the bar after you have reached another level of consciousness.

Nate’s version of chain texting is sending “fwd fwd fwd fwd fwd fwd” but since he can’t spell straight when drunk, his drunxting is “wfd wfd wfd wfd wfd”.

Song of the Week: The Flaming Lips, Borderline (yes, the Madonna cover)

Notable Accomplishments: Lexy’s last day of school was last week. Yesterday was 5 years to the day since CP’s high school graduation. She’s old.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: So you’re on a daytime TV soap opera. And you’re getting fired from the show, but the producers are kind enough to let you write your own demise. They’re killing off your character – how do you make your exit?

FWN Member of the Week: Cameron

Cam’s favorite letter of the alphabet is C (“Well I got to thinking and it couldn’t be Q. Because Q is just weird. Then, if you consider A, well A is just all stuck up because it’s first. And Z, Z is all the way at the end. O is like a zero, and I is just selfish. So that leaves me with C.”). The most recent thing he drank was water, and he doesn’t know his one-mile time, but he can run two miles in 13 minutes 29 seconds (pshaw, let’s get a move on slowpoke). If he could replace anyone in a movie, he would act as Iron Man.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Get in the fast lane grandma

The bingo game’s about to roll

Official Editor