Meanwhile, back in [your name]town

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 29Vol 4

 

Important Holidays: RE Jr/BK Anniversary

 

Weather:   This week's forecast comes with French fries, French toast, Swiss Miss hot chocolate, and a side of kraut. 20% off if you're in lederhosen.    

 

Urbandictionary word of the day: Engayed

 

Term for when gay couples become engaged or planning to get married.

 

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie refuse to get married until everyone can, ie, everyone can get engayed and ultimately married.

 

Song of the Week: Suckers, It Gets Your Body Moving

 

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam pledged a fraternity and got promoted to a Specialist in the military. RE Jr is doing great with his new hip – he was out of the hospital early and is already back on the brew horse. Gina's son Ryan got his first shiner due to a gym class collision. Gina's notable un-accomplisment of the week was drinking a bottle of wine while watching Jersey Shore. Greggy is going through multiple interviews.

 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Using your initials (either first and last name or all three initials), come up with a pro-sports team for a city. It should be a real city, but the sports team can be made up or, if you're lazy, real.

 

For example DL = Detroit Lions (lazy)

Or

DL = Dallas Leggings – women's dance team. 

 

FWN Member of the Week: Brandi!!!  

 

Brandi's middle name is Rene. As a kid, she loved being a witch for Halloween because her mom has a mole on her face (not on her nose) and when she dressed up like a witch she could have a mole just like her. In high school her favorite class was chemistry (!!!) because all of her friends were in the same class, her teacher talked like Ben Stein, and they spent the period imitating him (and reportedly, Brandi has a very disruptive laugh according to Mr. Chem Teacher). If she had to dye her hair an unnatural color it would be navy blue because she loves her hair when it's very dark and the blue gives it a nice shine.

 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

 

Classifieds: Next week please forward all notable accomplishments to BK. C is looking for a big chalkboard, if anyone sees one lying around or at a yard sale. 2'x2' or larger.

 

Look for more next time,

 

c@r!nn3

grape expectations

Official Editor

the frizz

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 28Vol 4

 

Important Holidays: First Day of Fall

 

Weather:   Let's check out the extended forecast. As we can see from the Doppler Radar beer showers are imminent along with bolts of Goldschlager in southern regions. Out west a doozy is brewing as Hurricane Hot Tub will hit with a vengeance.

 

Urbandictionary word of the day: Spending Amnesia

 

Trying to recall where you spent all of your money. Can be alcohol-induced.

 

UM: (doing bills) You spent $72 at Starbucks?!

Tracy: I did? Let me check the number of times I checked in there last month. But hey mister look below – you spent $200 at the Moose? Their beers are fifty cents!

UM: HMM… I'll have to check my facebook statuses to see what that night was all about… March 3^rd ehh… Looks like a case of spending amnesia. Must be contagious.  

Tracy: Yeah. I'll call the doctor.

 

Song of the Week: Breathe, Faith Hill

 

Notable Accomplishments:  Send RE Jr get well cards (or get well stogies) as he had a hip replacement. He is making great strides and hopes to be home earlier than expected. Lexy's cheer team won the competition at the game last weekend. Maryland Wine Festival was another raging success even though the raging rapids hit with torrential downpours during the event.   

 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Would you rather have to walk into the bathroom of the opposite gender OR dress up like the opposite gender? Please note both circumstances would occur in public.

 

FWN Member of the Week: Tim!  

 

Tim's mile running speed varies depending on who is chasing him, but on average it's about 10 minutes. His dream car is an Aston Martin. The first person he ever saw live in concert was Van Halen at their Live Right Now tour. Lastly, if he could be a guest on any TV show he'd pick Man vs Food because he's very hungry right now and enjoys eating a lot.

 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

 

Classifieds: Hangover Helper, now available in Minty Morning flavor. A greasy addition to make your hangovers go away. Buy in the next twelve seconds to get an additional box FREE! Just pay s&h.

 

Look for more next time,

 

c@r!nn3

grape expectations

Official Editor

In Vino Veritas

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 27 Vol 4

 

Important Holidays: Nada

 

Weather:   Welcome back, Fall! Hope you had a nice vacation in Canada eh (The 'eh' is optional here, can either be spoken or silent). Just don't be all hoser and go drinking too much Molson one night and give us a blitzen October snowshower eh. Thanks in advance, Fall.

 

Urbandictionary word of the day: Golden Ticket

 

A free pass, a 'get out of jail free' card.

 

Alex: NATE! You spilled M&Ms all throughout the Civic!

Nate: Ah, not so fast. How many times did I pick you up from the HH last week?

Alex: Ok, but you only get to use that golden ticket once… Choose wisely…

 

Song of the Week: Kreayshawn, Gucci Gucci

 

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam was asked to swim for college but he declined. Nate's swim season has begun. Alex taught the classroom by herself while the teacher had strep. LV have begun the demo on the bathroom.  

 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Of course, you're the riff raff in class. What are you staying after school to write on the chalkboard?

 

It can be an answer that applies to you modern day (I will not drink wine straight from the bottle.)

Or

From your childhood (I will not flick boogars into my sister's room)

 

FWN Member of the Week: AL!

 

Aunt Lynne was a speech communications/broadcasting major in college. The most recent show she watched on TV is American Pickers, which she describes as "hoarders meets antiques roadshow". Reportedly, she likes all letters equally but favors the E as it is always left off of her name. Lastly, if given the choice of living under water or in space, she'd pick under water because she likes being near water and isn't a fan of zero gravity.

 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

 

Classifieds: Nada

 

Look for more next time,

 

c@r!nn3

Miss Mumbo Jumbo

Official Editor

Princess Charming

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 26 Vol 4

 

Important Holidays: Grandparent's Day

 

Weather:   Hoodie and sweatpants season is upon us! There's nothing quite like sitting outside on a clear fall night, all burrowed in warm clothes, and enjoying a glass of wine. Cheers!

 

Urbandictionary word of the day (Brought to you by Gina): Skexting

 

Using Skype to have an intimate dialogue/interaction with your significant other.

 

After Gina had submitted Skexting to the UWOTD, the editor realized both Gina and Mark had submitted 'Drunxting', 'Text-hole', and 'Dirxting'. It is advisable to steer clear of snooping on either Gina's or Mark's electronic devices.

 

Song of the Week: Sure Thing, Miguel

 

Notable Accomplishments:  Alex and BK survived their NJ trip.  Nate went back to school. Lana is recovering from surgery.

 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Which would you choose to have as a pet?

 

a)      Clifford (the big red dog!)

b)      Gary (Spongebob's snail)

c)      Bullwinkle

d)      Felix the Cat

e)      Iago (Parrot from Aladdin)

f)       Klaus (the goldfish from American Dad)

 

FWN Member of the Week: Das Papa!

 

RE Jr's favorite letter of the alphabet is X because it marks the spot (also because it is in Alex's name? Favorite child? Hmmm?). If he had to live under water or in space he picks under water because he'd be looking for Ariel down there, whereas in space there's no one to talk to. His college major was making moonshing (aka chemistry) and he can do 35±5 pushups.

 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

 

Classifieds: All aboard Carinne's Ark to avoid the mass rainfall. Complete with a Pirate guard to keep all the haters out. Brewfrige on deck & flat screen TVs as well.

 

Look for more next time,

 

c@r!nn3

Miss Mumbo Jumbo

Official Editor

Beware of Beer Monster

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 25 Vol 4

 

Important Holidays: Alex's Birthday (yesterday – apologies, had anticipated doing an 'Early Edition'), Hot Tub's Birthday, Labor Day

 

Weather:   The stars are aligned for an unfortunate scenario – the Ten Lords a Leaping will appear this Labor Day. Just hope you don't run into them while they only have nine Lords a Leaping; they can be awfully convincing in their recruitment, and let's face it, you don't look that great in man tights.  

 

Urbandictionary word of the day (brought to you by Lexy): Planking

 

Laying your body completely flat, arms on the side, in random places such as park benches like so:

>--|-o

Typically, you photo yourself, and upload instantly to facebook and other social media.

 

Lexy almost got grounded for planking at a dangerous location.  

 

Song of the Week: See below

 

Notable Accomplishments:  Marco and Heather got hitched!!! Nate has started his college tours. Carinne found some NJ soccer badges at the track. Alex started her internship. Cam is in a relationship.

 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   It's a repeat HSOTW, but I do like this one.

 

You're editor of the FWN (feel free to strut around for awhile, editors do that ya know). What is your song-of-the-week?

 

FWN Member of the Week: Barson!

 

Alex's favorite letter of the alphabet is A and she "likes that big A and little a look different". If she had to own a non-traditional pet, she would own a cheetah. If working for a newspaper she'd author the horoscope section. Reportedly her coffee is basically a cappuccino as she takes it with "A LOT" of sugar and flavored creamer.

 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

 

Classifieds: Nada  

 

Look for more next time,

 

c@r!nn3

Miss Mumbo Jumbo

Official Editor