Miss Crimson Nape 2010

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 21 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather (by CJ):  A flash from the past wave will sweep over everyone and cause them to do something, watch something, or play something they haven’t done in ages.   

Urbandictionary word of the day:  batsh!t signal

Like the bat signal, but used to summon crazy people.

Bev: Looks like someone must have lit up the batsh!t signal, because there Dale goes again on his bike.

Song of the Week: Matt & Kim, Good Ol’ Fashioned Nightmare

Notable Accomplishments: Jessica is back and visiting the Hanovers.     

Hypothetical Situation of the Week (Brought to you by NC):   If you could name your own street, city, or state, what would you name it?

Ex: Ronville. Then, when the public smoking ban hits, all the Rons in Ronville go boo hoo boo hoo.  MM has been labeled a wino.

FWN Member of the Week: Cam!

If Cam could add any color to the rainbow, he wouldn't add one. For breakfast today, Cam had cereal, eggs, and a biscuit. His favorite pizza topping is extra cheese and would choose to read minds if he had a superpower.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: dunkin donuts = epic fail on corn muffins

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Countess de la Riffraff

Official Editor

The editor has been deported

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 20 Vol 3

Editor’s Note: For those of you who answered Issue 39 Vol 2’s HSOTW that you’d take a Christmas at the beach, here’s your chance to celebrate! It’s the ho-ho-ho season in July.

Important Holidays: Greggy’s Birthday, MM/P Anniversary, X-Mas in July

Weather:  Although hanging up the holly and wearing the santa boxers are all appropriate, the neighbors might un-friend you on facebook if you put up the lights in July. But seriously when has their opinion ever mattered anyway?

Urbandictionary word of the day:  a crapella

Singing loudly (and horribly) with your headphones on. No one else can hear the beat, but they all get the vocals.

CP: Ice cream truck, Ice cream truck, ice cream truck rock – ice cream truck ring and ice cream truck swing -

AK: Oh the weather outside is frightful! This 103 degree heat is not delightful! And since my work uniform is wool – let it snow let it snow let it snow!

CJ: Stop auditioning for the a crapella choir!

Song of the Week: Bag of Donuts, Heat Miser

Notable Accomplishments: A woman kept losing her bikini top at the Jersey Shore last weekend. Nicole and Bev cleaned 3 gardens in Pittsburgh’s North Side.    

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   What do you name your new pet reindeer? 

FWN Member of the Week: Greggy!

Greggy doesn’t drink because he’s not 21 but hypothetically if he did he’d pick capt’n and coke as it is the drink of the gods. Blitzen is his favorite reindeer. Given the option of mutton chops or a fu man chu he’d take the mutton chops because he already has them and reportedly they rival Martin Van Buren. If he were to play a pro sport he would play soccer for US and would have won the world cup 2010.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Still on the good list?

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Is it ski season yet?

Official Editor 

fight to the death for the cheese fries

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 19 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:  Whatever is stressing you out, just forget it. For one day even, don’t think about it. You’ll feel better coming back to it later.  

Urbandictionary word of the day (by BK):  voluntold

When someone of superior rank/status volunteers you for something.

Senior Ranger: ALRIGHT! I need someone to volunteer to hike to Chicago as a fundraiser for our national park! Alex, you look like you could use this. You’ll be our candidate.

Barson: Does this count as volunteer work or voluntold work?

Song of the Week: Rehab, Welcome Home

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne is head of her professional society’s linked in group. 95% of the family is in Pittsburgh this week.    

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   The editor opens a FWN Theme Park. What ride/food stand/money-sucking game/etc do you create for the park?

FWN Member of the Week: MM!

Today, MM is wearing a blue shirt. Her favorite dessert is a very generic “pies and cookies”. This morning her breakfast consisted of corn flakes and coffee. If she were on any game show ever, she would participate in the Newlywed Game.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: zzzzZZzZzZZ

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Countess de la Riffraff

Official Editor

Gambei

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 18 Vol 3

Important Holidays: BK Birthday, Cam Birthday, MM Birthday

Weather:  Be prepared for Hurricane Barson, be it either in the gulf coast or that summer afternoon boat drink that’s going to send your head spinning this evening.  

Urbandictionary word of the day:  postmodem depression

The feeling you get when you have not had access to the internet for a long time (as in, a few minutes).

Carinne: Carinne is walking to the bathroom!

Nate: Uh, have fun.

Carinne: Carinne’s left leg is getting bitten by bugs!

Cam: Bzzzz! Do you want some calamine?

Carinne: Carinne is having a beer!

RE Jr: What else is new?

Carinne: Carinne is throwing her back out trying to do a cartwheel!

Bev: Okay seriously, what’s up with the third person? What are you, Twitter?*

Alex: Just ignore her. She forgot her crackberry in NJ and is suffering from postmodem depression. It’s natural. Just say “Like Status” every once and a while and she’ll get out of the funk soon.

*note twitter joke written by Jonaid Lone, not a FWN member.

Song of the Week: Tootsee Roll, 69 Boyz

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne signed up for AAA and got it for ½ off.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Who would you rather have as a boss at your current workplace?

a)      Colonel Sanders

b)      Ronald McDonald

c)      Hamburglar

d)      The King (burger king)

e)      Jack-in-the-Box

f)       Kool-Aid Man

FWN Member of the Week: Bev!

Bev’s favorite dessert is homemade chocolate cake. It is 6am when she wakes up in the morning on weekdays. If her hair were an unnatural color, she’d want it to be green. Lastly, she is currently reading “The Story of my Life” by Giacomo Casanova (he should have been a FWN when the HSOTW was ‘what would you title your autobio’. His title is laaame) and reports that “That man is a ho.”

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: FWN book club?

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Countess de la Riffraff

Official Editor

bbq discrepancy: barbeque? better be quick? btch be quiet?

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 17 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Independence Day, Chloe Birthday

Weather:  If you effectively sunburn your shoulders, roll up your shirt to show your pale belly, and let your legs soak in the beer cooler for an hour, you will truly demonstrate the American spirit of being red, white, and blue.  

Urbandictionary word of the day (brought to you by MA, BK, and RE Jr):  workplay

Similar to foreplay however it involves chores. Not getting any action until your household responsibilities/honey do list are done.

Nate: Ah, honey, I could use a back massage…

Nate’s future wife (tacolady?): Did you see that garage? I’m sorry but you don’t get anything until I get a little workplay. Your bike’s flat tire is such a turn off.

Song of the Week: Stars and Stripes Forever (your choice of artist)

Notable Accomplishments: Alex played in a softball game and not only did she never strike out, she got a double. This contrasts to Nicole’s softball game, where the ten-run-rule was effective. MM drank an entire box of wine on her own. Facebook reports UM is wearing daisy dukes at work.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Would you rather:

a) Have fingertips that go off like sparklers whenever you sneeze,

b) Farts that sound like firecrackers,

c) Have ears that shoot out stink bomb smoke whenever you're angry,

d) Wake up singing The Star Spangled Banner?

FWN Member of the Week: Chloe!

Chloe’s favorite dish at Panera is a turkey and swiss sandwich on whole wheat bread with southwestern corn chowder, baguette side, with an iced mocha coffee drink. If she had to dye her hair an un-natural color she’d pick dark purple. Given the option of sweating Jell-o or sweating ice cream, she’d pick Jell-o because “dairy does not do well in the heat”. She can hold her breath for 45 seconds.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: FWN book club?

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Countess de la Riffraff

Official Editor