Hot Beer, Bad Food, Lousy Service. A Celebration Issue.

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 45 Vol 2

Special 99^th edition spectacular (including the extra election day ’08 edition and the April Fools ’09 edition). This week is a “best of” (according to the editor) edition; a recap of the past 99 weeks that have been documented via the newsletter. Thanks for your never-ending creativity in responses to the hypothetical situation and always providing a way to end the work week. Cheers to many more!

Important Holidays: MLK Jr Day, FWN Appreciation Week

Weather:  Looking at the FWN almanac, over the past 99 weeks, the weather breakdown has been as following:

37.8% of the weeks have involved booze rain or other forms of alcohol consumption

6.12% involve Pittsburgh sports

3.06% involve indigestion and pepto bismol

1.02% involves either a hangover, a Herf, or R Jr complaining about too much booze in the forecast for Pitt so Pitt goes on prohibition and loses their booze forecast

and 49% involved other misc items

Commonly asked Questions: The song of the week comes from, usually, a song I heard this week that I enjoy. Sometimes it’s suggested. I try to mix it up to get different genres in there, or ones that relate to an event occurring in the upcoming week.

The subject titles are a mix of anything: sometimes song lyrics (Eat your salad, no dessert), trivia questions (blacker than night were the lungs of el puko), inside jokes (Look at my pants), or completely made up entirely (Mo-om, did you wash my leiderhosen?)

WNMOTW is usually chosen if it’s your birthday, but exceptions do happen for notable good deeds or the editor’s mood.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Interestingly, the UWOTD is the most contributed to category from the FWN (with the exception of the HSOTW responses). More recipients send in suggested words than any other section.

Some UWOTDs that have become commonly used phrases amongst us:

Alcoholiday (Issue 2 Vol 1) I'm taking an alcoholiday.

Nom nom nom (Issue 39 Vol 1) "Blimpie! What are you doing?" "Nom nom nom."

Drafternoon (Issue 47 Vol 1) (at the office) Bev: three… two… one… Alright it's officially 12. Let's head down to Bettis' for the rest of the Drafternoon. 

Sofa King (Issue 9 Vol 2) Cam (sits down on the couch with a Burger King Crown)

               Nate (sits down on the couch with a Burger King Crown)

              (No words are spoken, evil death stare between the two)

              Ron Jr (on the chair, no crown): There can only be one sofa king. Fight to the destruction!

              Carinne/Alex (standing in the dining room, eating forbidden cookies, observing): You guys are sofa king weird.

  

Song of the Week: The only band to have appeared twice on the SOTW is Metallica. It debuted with “The Call of Ktulu,” S&M album version, in Issue 21 Vol 1. Later, in Issue 18 Vol 2, “Whiskey in the Jar” was featured.

Notable Accomplishments: Special thanks to everyone for providing entertaining stories from their lives (albeit embarrassing… The time R Jr ran into the screen door anyone?) for the notable accomplishments. Keep up the good work.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Let's try it again. What's the magic word?

Some history:

The fewest responses to the newsletter was on Issue 12 Vol 1, “If Bud Light were to do a “Real Men of Genius” commercial based on you, what would your title be?” with only two responses. This ties with "What is the magic word?" from Issue 21 Vol 1 (palindrome anyone? I don't think this is a coincidence) which also only got two responses.

The most was tied with a few, so editor’s pick is Issue 21 Vol 2 “You're the FWN Editor. What is the Song of the Week?” (one year after the lowest response on record), although UM’s “Not so hypothetical situation of the mid-week”, where he discussed his steelers wardrobe, had equal responses.

The most discussion was about Issue 26 Vol 2: “You find a wallet with $1,000 in it. Do you give it all back? Keep some of it? Keep all of it? What if it’s $100,000?”

Editor’s Favorite: "Use your initials to create the name of an alcoholic drink." Also, "door #1, #2, or #3?" And “Rock paper scissors lizard spock”.

FWN Member of the Week: Issue is too long. This segment got cut this week.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada.

Look for more next time,

Smarti

Sherriff Gello Popo

Official Editor 

PING!!!

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 42 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Adults Day (Japan)

Weather:  As it is the year of the tiger, you can anticipate to witness lots of people with black and orange stripes running around. Just be sure you have a blonde with a golf club with you at all times for protection.  

Urbandictionary word of the day (requested by R Jr): Bacne (spelled Backne in some cultures)

Acne on your back.

Nate: Please tell me that is just leftover sunscreen on your back, not a Mt Vesuvius.

Ron Jr: Nope! Au natural!

Song of the Week: We Were Promised Jetpacks, Quiet Little Voices

Notable Accomplishments:  (as always, thanks to the FWN field reporter, BK, for her consistent, accurate, and informative submissions to the Notable Accomplishments section.)  The High school had its first snow day of the year. Pittsburgh has gotten slammed with a ton of snow this year (save $ on refrigeration by using your Canadian Refrigerator!). Nate is grounded from XBOX. However this is offset by the fact that he won $40 on a $1 scratch off. Marco is having knee surgery on Monday. BK/Gina did tremendously well on the college bowl pool, making it to the finals.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Celebrity Deathmatch!!! But it’s a Double Header!

Round 1 – Fred Flinstone vs Barney Rubble?

Round 2 – Wilma Flinstone vs Betty Rubble?

Feel free to pick a winner from either round or both rounds.

FWN Member of the Week: In honor of National Bubble Bath Day (which is today), the MOTW office is closed this week. Normal operating hours will resume next week. Thanks!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: What was your first alcoholic beverage of 2010?

Look for more next time,

Smarti

Sherriff Gello Popo

Official Editor

You're a liar, and that's the truth

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 41 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Aunt Jul’s Birthday, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day

Weather:  Post-Santum Depression that lingered earlier this week due to Christmas being over will be replaced by the depression that ensues due to realizing your new years resolution is unfeasible. Carry backup Beast for comfort at all times.  

Urbandictionary word of the day: Jingle Bowels

Gastrointestinal woes following a night of holiday overindulgence

Sugar cookies and too much eggnog left Nate singing in the bathroom while his jingle bowels created the symphony accompaniment.

Song of the Week: DJ Earworm, United State of Pop 2009

Notable Accomplishments:  Yet again, Carinne found the pickle on the Christmas tree. Alex cleaned the house, and the boys did a load of laundry. Snow in multiple areas threaten new year’s eve parties. Gina is dominating in UM’s college bowl pool. Liz finished all of her finals. Chloe did well in all of her classes, as did Alex this semester. Carinne went to the winning steelers-ravens game.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Fill in the underlines:

(Person) your (thing), WOOF!

(WOOF = something that is mildly horrifying/entertaining)

Example: Nate your girlfriend, WOOF!

Barson your pong skills, WOOF!

FWN Member of the Week: Aunt Jul!

For breakfast, Aunt Jul had some iced tea and chips.  If Josh had been born a girl, he would have been named Kirsen Leigh. With the assumption she’s in shape for the sport, she would choose to be an Olympic competitor in the luge event. Given the choice between having to lose a finger or a toe, she picked finger.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Auld Lang Syne

Look for more next time,

Smarti

Sheriff Gello Popo

Official Editor

santa claustrophobia

Family Weekly Newsletter

Special Early Edition due to the Holiday

Issue 40 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Christmas Eve, Christmas

Weather:  Twas the night after drafternoon, and all through the pub, all the kegs were empty, including the bud. Ron on the trivia and Carinne on the floor, a good time was had in this bar they adore. Have safe holidays, all.

  

Urbandictionary word of the day: Christmasochist

Someone who continues to subject themselves to Christmas activities (secret santa, caroling), despite feeling painfully awkward at these events.

Greggy is a Christmasochist as every time he hangs out with Alex in the months of December and July, he’s subjected to mass amounts of holiday music that pain his ears.

Song of the Week: Sleigh Ride, KT Tunstall

Notable Accomplishments:  Cam built a ramp in the yard for his snowboard. Lana remember what snow was after trying to snort it for awhile. Alex and Greggy made it to New York City, defying the fury of the weather gods. Greggy finished his Christmas shopping three days before Christmas. AL/T got a new car. UM had to break into his house by kicking down the doorknob when locked out. Lexy had a successful choral concert this week.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  You’re out of cookies and milk. What food item + drink do you put out instead?

Editor: Pretzels and beer

FWN Member of the Week: Trailblazer!

The trailblazer is seven years old.  Its favorite passenger is Bevie, because she shows it the most driving love (and least favorite is Lana). Cancun is the Trailblazer’s dream vacation but this year it has to stay home due to other obligations. Comet is the favorite reindeer for obvious reasons.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Coal? Or tricks?

Look for more next time,

The Paris Hilton of Trenton

() () () coal in my stocking

Official Editor

Ho, ho, ho, ho, oh no, Santa's lost his mojo

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 39 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Alcoholiday due to shopping stress from actual important holidays

Weather:  Heated debates and smack talk will begin, as older generation family members discuss college bowls and younger generations discuss pickle-finding on the Christmas tree and pong of beer. Steer clear of the crossfire or you may end up de-friended on facebook.

Special Holiday Section: 53.33% of FWN recipients are reportedly on the Nice list (you sure about that?). 40% are on the naughty (some deserve a spanking??). 6.66% of recipients are in limbo.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Chipmunk gift (brought to you by Gina)

A seemingly generous present that will benefit the giver as much as the receiver.

On an old Chipmunks Christmas album, Alvin, Simon, and Theodore give Dave a gift. He's overwhelmed with their generosity until he discovers it's an empty bag, which the Chipmunks say is for him to fill with presents and give back to them.

Barson: This year, dad got me a pooper scooper for Christmas. Really?

R Jr: But LOOK! It’s the deluxe! It’s purple! And your name is engraved on it!

Barson (sulks): Chipmunk gifter.

Song of the Week: My Chemical Romance, All I Want For Christmas Is You

Notable Accomplishments:  No one had major injuries due to erratic ornaments or lights falling this year. Also, high hopes for a turkey-on-the-floor free 2010.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Would you rather be:

a)      A seasick crocodile

b)      The Grinch

c)      Scrooge

d)      Charlie Brown’s X-mas Tree?

FWN Member of the Week: The office of FWN is closed this week. Joyous 2009, everyone! We’ve gone through the entire list of recipients as FWNMOTW, so we’ll start up the shuffle again next year.  

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Naughty or Nice?

Look for more next time,

Candy Cane

() () () coal in my stocking

Official Editor

I don't want to be friends

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 39 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Heather’s Birthday, First day of Chanukah

Weather:  Heat Miser bet Snow Miser on last night’s football game. Winner takes all for the next three months. Guess who picked the browns? Blame this cold spell all on the football game. He’s too much.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Canadian Refrigerator

A bank or pile of snow during the colder months of winter, where food or beverage products (namely soda and beer) can be stored. Great for parties.

BK: (In July) Ronald! Why is there a miller light stuck in the garden? This is alcohol abuse. No alcohol goes to waste in this house. 

RE: No, that was from our Martin Luther King Jr. Day Bash. We used the garden as a Canadian refrigerator. We’re finally dethawing.

BK: Oh right! (cracks it open). Ahhh.

Song of the Week: Melee, (When is) Hanukah this year?

Notable Accomplishments:  UM survived NYC and even found a stogie bar. BK employees escaped at 12 today for a holiday party. Alex’s cell phone stayed charged through a massive power outage. She also drank all of her beer in her fridge, reportedly so it wouldn’t go skunked. (Sciencey: Beers get skunked from sunlight, not from heating/cooling.) Cam had his first haircut since basic training. Nate is feeling better after a minor toe injury. The Jeep is fixed after a major injury. Ron Jr maybe didn’t drop the turkey on T-giv, but Carinne made up for it by dropping a rotisserie chicken in the grocery store and making a huge mess (causing the cashier to yell at her and say “oh the chicken just JUMPED out, did it? All by itself? Sure, hate it when that happens”. Nasty cashier.). Reportedly Carinne is on the naughty list due to her inability to cut back on her drinking. This inspired some science thinking, see graph below.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Would you rather have a white Christmas or a Christmas on the beach? (Or hannukah, or kwanzaa, or festivus, etc.)

FWN Member of the Week: Heather!

Heather’s middle name is Dawn, and her high school mascot was a Tiger (with a blonde running behind him with a golf club, thanks KP for that one). If she were stuck on a desert island with one plug, her appliance would be a radio. Lastly, her shampoo is “fruity smelling, sort of like citrus”.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Naughty or Nice?

Look for more next time,

Candy Cane

() () () coal in my stocking

Official Editor 

I want a yacht, and really, that's not a lot

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 38 Vol 2

Important Holidays: n/a

Weather:  No, that’s not a delayed meteor shower, nor is it lightning in the distance – it’s the flashes of many hundreds of photos Carinne is taking this weekend as she got a new camera. Stalkerazzi.

Special Holiday Section: Responses to the “favorite reindeer” survey, including some comments. We had sixteen total responses.

Blitzen baby! 31.25% “But you gotta watch his girlfriend Vixen as I think after Blitzen passes out, Donner comes sniffing around...........”

Comet (???) 18.75% “I like him because it reminds me of the cleanser and the dog from fullhouse.”

12.5 %Rudolph “His red nose is clearly a sign that he is a functioning alcoholic like the rest of us.....”

12.5% Vixen 12.5%

Prancer (vomit), 12.5%

6.25% Cupid “He spreads the love” (wonder who said that one)

6.25% Olive

Urbandictionary word of the day: airplane mode

When someone cuts themselves off from the world by not logging on to Facebook or checking their cell phones/email. Usually occurs after a breakup or a rough work week.

HH has a default airplane mode setting as cell phones don’t work there.

Song of the Week: Sleigh Ride, Leroy Anderson

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne/Alex beat Cam/Nate at beer pong. Anna/Nate were set to battle the wishbone, but R Jr destroyed it (rehh rehh pfpfpfp). Lana enjoyed Thanksgiving, and enjoyed waking Alex up in the middle of the night when she had to go to the bathroom. Carinne did not “boo” any national anthem singers this week. Several family members won the swim team lottery raffle.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  What Christmas (or other holiday song) would you like to re-make? (Assume you sound fantastic, just how you want to. Feel free to pull in a famous back-up band for behind you) Maybe we’ll all combine forces and create a “very merry FWN christmas” album!

FWN Member of the Week: Pot Roast on Carinne’s Desk!

Carinne’s pot roast was the first meal she cooked in her crock pot. Included with the roast are potatoes, apples, red/green/yellow peppers, carrots, and onions. A bottle of pinot noir (courtesy of R Jr) was drank while devouring the pot roast. The pot roast is currently in its fourth day of leftoverville, but is still delicious.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Naughty or Nice?

Look for more next time,

Candy Cane

() () () coal in my stocking

Official Editor