Dentier de Vampire (de Drakulya)

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 34 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Nate’s Birthday, Aunt Jul’s favorite holiday, daylight savings, Election Day

Weather: It’s everyone’s favorite time of year where you get all drunk on Saturday and at 2am the bars prepare to close. But THEN! Faked ya out – it’s not last call it’s 1am again! Best day ever! One more hour of drinking! Boot & Rally!

Urbandictionary word of the day: Dracula Voice

Speaking in a certain style so that you sound like dracula. Ws are replaced with Vs, “th” replaced with “z”, and sound somewhat like your mimicking a French-American accent. Roll your Rs slightly.

Carinne-ula: Vat are you dreenking?

Alex-ula: Vahn, Tu, Zree, beers. Ah ha ha!

Nate: I so cannot go out with you in public. Seriously turn off the Dracula voice.

Song of the Week: Hall of the Mountain King, Mannheim Steamroller

Notable Accomplishments:  BK won a mum at work this week. Alex climbed up her hallway wall. Carinne wore fake vampire teeth to work. Mum Mum beat Carinne in every game of scrabble this week.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Pick your poison:

a)      Be the wicked witch of the west... when your broom breaks down and a monsoon is starting any second

b)      Be Dracula… When your boss tells you to save the company and land the $15 million account by going to lunch with clients at “garlic extravaganza”, an Italian restaurant with outdoor seating only and it’s 75 and sunny

c)      Be at your own wedding… when suddenly it becomes a full moon and you’re a werewolf

d)      Be a zombie…

e)      Be a bat chillin’ out onstage at an Ozzy Osborne concert

FWN Member of the Week: Nate!

Nate’s favorite dessert is Pumpkin Pie with cinnamon ice cream and whipped cream. His dream car isn’t a make or model, but is described as a type of race car with sponsorship names and race decals on it. If he were to take over teaching any of his current classes he’d pick Honors World Cultures because he enjoys history and geography. Nate can do 40 pushups in one session nonstop.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Trick or Treat?  

Look for more next time,

C-rin

It’s Awktober

Official Editor 

Please, tell me about your golf shoes

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 33 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Mole Day (it’s 6.02x10^23 yo!), Barry’s Birthday, Belated Marco’s birthday

Weather: Dalton’s Law states that the total pressure exerted by a mixture of gases is equal to the sum of the partial pressures of the gases. As this pressure shifts it causes massive changes in temperature and humidity and a possible debris cloud (in extreme circumstances). Unfortunately gaseous pressure is at a maximum this week and will cause massive digestion difficulties. Suggest Depends in case of a debris cloud and working with peers on your courtesy fart policy (see WOTD).

Urbandictionary word of the day: courtesy fart

When someone accidentally farts and is embarrassed, you should, if you have one ready, let one fly as well. This is a courtesy fart. This is an opportune time for you to release since then the two fart smells will interfere and no one will discover how unbelievably nasty your azz is.

REP JR courtesy farts his own farts.

Song of the Week: Van Morrison, Moondance

Notable Accomplishments:  Welcome, Marco and Heather, to the PFWN! Last week, Hanover Parks/REP Jr family and friends drank one of every beer at KClinger’s tavern (appx 35 beers).

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Alright, everyone’s favorite, celebrity deathmatch. Who do you put your money on?

Darth Vader, Don Corleone, Uma Thurman?  

FWN Member of the Week: Barry!

Trick or treat? Barry picks treat. His high school mascot was a Tiger (booo NA). His shampoo is best described as smooth and silky. A memorable Halloween costume for Barry was when he was either a cowboy or army man, he can’t really remember (so it’s not so memorable I guess).

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Boogie boogie boogie boogie

Look for more next time,

C-rin 

It’s Awktober

Official Editor 

3.14% of Sailors are Pi Rates

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 32 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather: It’s a family oriented weekend where parental units travel long distances to see their offspring in states that start with the letter N (namely, New and North). To all of you who live in the Ws and Ps, Bummer! 

Urbandictionary word of the day: Caraoke

Singing along with music in the car. Frequently loudly and passionately.

Common caraoke songs on the editor’s list include Ring of Fire, The Final Countdown, Sandstorm (digga digga da, digga digga da,  digga digga digga digga…)

Song of the Week: Sexy B!tch, David Guetta feat Akon

Notable Accomplishments:  Poppy is out of the hospital. Carinne got free Dunkin Donuts yesterday. AJ is going to Cleveland and will be sporting her Steelers gear this weekend. Bev and Ron successfully took the train to New York (stay tuned to see if they make it back). The B/R surprise party was pulled off without a hitch. B/R saw Billy Joel at their restaurant last night. AK’s toenail polish color matched the color of the wine she was drinking last night.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You have to give up one of the following for a year. What do you pick?

a)      Cell phone/crackberry/iphone (this includes using one. Ex, you can’t “borrow” your wife’s)

b)      Driver’s license

c)      TV (all forms – DVD, cable, etc)

d)      Your washer/dryer (no laundromats; handwash everything)

FWN Member of the Week: Aunt Jul!

Trick or treat? Aunt Jul picks trick. Her beverage with lunch was a pepsi max and her middle name is Anne. If she had the choice between having a humpback or having a peg leg, she’d take the humpback.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Ask BK for a knockoff version of Sinatra’s Strangers in the Night

Look for more next time,

C-rin 

It’s Awktober

Official Editor

Eat your salad, no dessert

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 31 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Ali’s birthday, Canada’s Thanksgiving

Weather: It’s the last two weeks before holiday season officially begins with Halloween candy, t-giving, and Christmas. The system may alleviate some pressure in the waist-al region if you take salad/healthy precautions; however mass bloating and bulging may occur if these warnings aren’t heeded.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  (brought to you by R Jr) Burghetto

Talking, typing, behaving, and other actions that identify you as being from both the ghetto and Pittsburgh.

Bev: Yinz are all goin’ down to Chauncy’s n at to get some Arn City and some homies?

Alex: Stop being Burghetto. You’re from the suburbs.

Bev: True dat. You can take a girl outta da Burghetto butcha can’t take the Burghetto out of the girl!

An actual email from R, demonstrating Burghetto-ness: Yinz dserv it n@

Song of the Week: Nancy Sinatra, These Boots are Made for Walking

Notable Accomplishments:  Bev had her highest bowling score ever with a 177 last night. Carinne wasn’t arrested this week! Well wishes to Poppy who is in the hospital.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Would you rather:

a)      Only be able to bathe in a river behind your house (no indoor shower use at all)

b)     Speak English, but only be able to write in Spanish (so you can’t speak in Spanish, or write in English)

c)      Become completely color blind (you only see black and white)

d)     Have feet and hands 2x the size they are now? So if you’re a shoe size 8, you’d be a 16…

FWN Member of the Week: Alison!

If Ali were to be a pro athlete, she would want to be a tennis player for the cute outfits, running after a small ball, and loud grunting. The last song played on her iPod was Wishing Well by the Airborne Toxic Event. “Doc” is the dwarf (from snow white and the seven dwarves) that she most relates to because, duh, she’s going to be a doctor. Ali’s favorite stretch is the one that stretches the piriformis muscle.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Requesting to continue the group discussion on Halloween costume ideas. CP can create you song-of-the-week CDs if you’re interested, you may have to pay postage to receive the CD, but let her know! They make great gifts!

Look for more next time,

C-rin

It’s Awktober

Official Editor

Let's make some s'mores

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 30 Vol 2

Important Holidays: NHL season begins

Weather: As it is formally Awktober, anticipate some poor life decisions that will likely result you doing the following:

a)      Making a finger moustache

b)      Making finger sideburns

c)      Giving up on the common convention known as “pants”

Just be prepared. It’s recommended to pre-plan your awkward moment escape route (via the above a, b, c, or possibly other)  

Urbandictionary word of the day:  ShyPod

Being hesitant about sharing the contents of your iPod.

We’ve all got them… Those songs you don’t want to admit to… Feel free to offer yours…

Alex: Carinne isn’t the least bit ShyPod about the fact that she has six versions of “total eclipse of the heart,” but I think she should be.

Song of the Week: Andrea Bocelli, Con Te Partiro

Notable Accomplishments:  The editor hath returneth! Christine, Nicole, Bev survived their first night on the “Unbowlievable Hef and the Girls Next Door” bowling team. Cam sprained his wrist.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Armed with your sciencey magnifying glass, you discover a new strain of insects. What do you name it?

FWN Member of the Week: Liz!!!

Liz responded to the questionnaire with a humble, “I’m awesome. Glad we are finally acknowledging that.” To continue, if she trick or treats at a house with crunch bars, snickers, and hershey’s she’d pick the snickers. One Halloween in elementary school, she was a Native American. Her high school mascot was the “bombers”, which is a great precursor to the Gettysburg Bullets. The background of Liz’s computer is the sun setting behind the mountains.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Let’s have a group discussion on Halloween costume ideas.

Look for more next time,

C-rin

It’s Awktober

Official Editor 

WVU doesn't burn popcorn and burn down dorms therefore we are much more powerful than Pitt

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 28 Vol 2

Important Holidays:Yom Kippur, Good Neighbor Day (so Mark/Dad must play nice tomorrow)

Weather:The weather is fully enjoying the change of the seasons, with a forecast of a wet and chilly weekend.  Embrace this fact and sit inside by a fire and a glass of red, red wine.  Note: Just because the weather is chilly, that does not mean that you should have a chilly personality.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Cyberchondriac

Someone who spends their time searching medical websites for diseases they convince themselves they actually have

Alex: Mum!  diagnoseme.com told me that I had the swine flu!  It said that if your stomach hurts AND your head hurts at the same time you have swine flu.

Bev: You don't have the swine flu; you are such a cyberchondraic.  Most people call that a hangover.

 

Song of the Week:Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver (we have a bye week, so I am keeping the spirit of the Mountaineer alive!)

Notable Accomplishments:Ron Jr., Cam, and Nate participated in a golf tournament and Ron Jr. won a Steelers shirt, Cam won a knife, and Nate won a huge bag of candy.  Nate survived getting his braces on despite it taking double the time as they said it would and having a bracket fall off the first night.  Bev made it to work on time despite G-20 and protestors.  Unfortunately, Bev's coffee maker has poured it's last cup of coffee and therefore Bev is caffeine-depraved.  Mark, upon approaching his 1 year anniversary of his hospital stay finally has a clean bill of health.  Lexy brought home two trophies from the Cheer Queen Pageant last weekend for 3rd place for gown and 3rd place for cheer routine of the 25 girls that participated.  Ron Sr. has scheduled his cataract surgery for October.  Cam's senior pictures are finally finished.  Ron Jr. had a presentation for work which he aced.  The G-20 in Pittsburgh introduced a new Gatorade drink, so be excited for that.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:You are participating in a siutation much like displayed in the movies "Rat Race" and "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World."  You have to travel 8 hours and compete against all other readers of the FWN to get to $80 million dollars buried under a big A.  Unfortunately, all things with a moter (including all types of aircraft, cars, mopeds, etc) no longer work.  Cause, uh, the polarity of the world is off or something.  What are the means that you use to get to the money first?

FWN Member of the Week:No one is responding to e-mails about FWN Member of the Week.  So we have a stand-in.

 TROY POLAMALU!! (Yes, I talked to him, we're friends).

It took him eight years to grow out his hair that long.  His favorite place in the world is Egypt.  His favorite drink is Tang.  He was so thrilled with being the FWN Member of the week, that he changed his facebook name to Troy Polamalu.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds:Nada

Look for more next time,

Barson aka Blimpie aka Alex

Official Substitute Editor 

Father Time experiences shrinkage

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 27 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Autumn Equinox (First day of Fall), Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashana) MAZEL TOV!!!

Weather: Lots of clouds and curiosity developing over why we have to work 5 days this week, after Labor Day.  Darkness falls across the land, as the first day of fall shortens our days, alas closing time remains unchanged.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  manstrual period   

n. The unexplained moodiness of a male at completely random times

Michael: WHAT THE F(rench toast)?!?!?!  CAN”T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?!?!?! (as he sits smoking his stogie while doing Sudoku in the nightly paper)

Lexy: What’s with Michael?  Why is he so mean?

Tracy: I don’t know honey, he is just getting ready to have his manstrual period

Song of the Week: Man of Constant Sorrow – Soggy Bottom Boys (O Brother, Where Art Thou)

Notable Accomplishments:  Lexy is participating in a cheer pageant on Sunday, not required for the cheer team, but well worth the $500 Tracy put into it, I’m sure.  As the VP of the Elementary PTA, Gina took charge of the first meeting of the year without anyone walking out in disgust.  Lynne “rung” up some high scores in the employee Ladder Toss game earning a $10 Gift Card (Way to climb that tiny corporate ladder).  Carinne littered Facebook with some classic Fam photos from the old days.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You come across a Time Machine (with one hour of battery life on it).  Where do you go, what do you see/do, and how long do you stay?  If over an hour, you are there FOREVER…MWAHAHAHAH!!!!

FWN Member of the Week: Editor-on-Sabbatical, Carinne

Carinne’s favorite T-Shirt of all time was one she had as a child made with puffy paint (supplied by AL), it was blue and she believes it had Carinne written all over it.  Her Gettysburg calendar currently shows McKnight Hall for the month of September.  She would someday like to visit Portland, Oregon, over any other place in the US.  Her beverage of choice in Starbucks is currently the Iced Green Tea.  The one thing on her shopping list today is Milk.  She has been eating dry cereal for a week.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Free to good home – One slightly used foreign exchange student, a fixer-upper…doesn’t like to cook or clean.

Look for more next time,

Michael J.