Eat your salad, no dessert

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 31 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Ali’s birthday, Canada’s Thanksgiving

Weather: It’s the last two weeks before holiday season officially begins with Halloween candy, t-giving, and Christmas. The system may alleviate some pressure in the waist-al region if you take salad/healthy precautions; however mass bloating and bulging may occur if these warnings aren’t heeded.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  (brought to you by R Jr) Burghetto

Talking, typing, behaving, and other actions that identify you as being from both the ghetto and Pittsburgh.

Bev: Yinz are all goin’ down to Chauncy’s n at to get some Arn City and some homies?

Alex: Stop being Burghetto. You’re from the suburbs.

Bev: True dat. You can take a girl outta da Burghetto butcha can’t take the Burghetto out of the girl!

An actual email from R, demonstrating Burghetto-ness: Yinz dserv it n@

Song of the Week: Nancy Sinatra, These Boots are Made for Walking

Notable Accomplishments:  Bev had her highest bowling score ever with a 177 last night. Carinne wasn’t arrested this week! Well wishes to Poppy who is in the hospital.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Would you rather:

a)      Only be able to bathe in a river behind your house (no indoor shower use at all)

b)     Speak English, but only be able to write in Spanish (so you can’t speak in Spanish, or write in English)

c)      Become completely color blind (you only see black and white)

d)     Have feet and hands 2x the size they are now? So if you’re a shoe size 8, you’d be a 16…

FWN Member of the Week: Alison!

If Ali were to be a pro athlete, she would want to be a tennis player for the cute outfits, running after a small ball, and loud grunting. The last song played on her iPod was Wishing Well by the Airborne Toxic Event. “Doc” is the dwarf (from snow white and the seven dwarves) that she most relates to because, duh, she’s going to be a doctor. Ali’s favorite stretch is the one that stretches the piriformis muscle.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Requesting to continue the group discussion on Halloween costume ideas. CP can create you song-of-the-week CDs if you’re interested, you may have to pay postage to receive the CD, but let her know! They make great gifts!

Look for more next time,

C-rin

It’s Awktober

Official Editor

Let's make some s'mores

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 30 Vol 2

Important Holidays: NHL season begins

Weather: As it is formally Awktober, anticipate some poor life decisions that will likely result you doing the following:

a)      Making a finger moustache

b)      Making finger sideburns

c)      Giving up on the common convention known as “pants”

Just be prepared. It’s recommended to pre-plan your awkward moment escape route (via the above a, b, c, or possibly other)  

Urbandictionary word of the day:  ShyPod

Being hesitant about sharing the contents of your iPod.

We’ve all got them… Those songs you don’t want to admit to… Feel free to offer yours…

Alex: Carinne isn’t the least bit ShyPod about the fact that she has six versions of “total eclipse of the heart,” but I think she should be.

Song of the Week: Andrea Bocelli, Con Te Partiro

Notable Accomplishments:  The editor hath returneth! Christine, Nicole, Bev survived their first night on the “Unbowlievable Hef and the Girls Next Door” bowling team. Cam sprained his wrist.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Armed with your sciencey magnifying glass, you discover a new strain of insects. What do you name it?

FWN Member of the Week: Liz!!!

Liz responded to the questionnaire with a humble, “I’m awesome. Glad we are finally acknowledging that.” To continue, if she trick or treats at a house with crunch bars, snickers, and hershey’s she’d pick the snickers. One Halloween in elementary school, she was a Native American. Her high school mascot was the “bombers”, which is a great precursor to the Gettysburg Bullets. The background of Liz’s computer is the sun setting behind the mountains.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Let’s have a group discussion on Halloween costume ideas.

Look for more next time,

C-rin

It’s Awktober

Official Editor 

WVU doesn't burn popcorn and burn down dorms therefore we are much more powerful than Pitt

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 28 Vol 2

Important Holidays:Yom Kippur, Good Neighbor Day (so Mark/Dad must play nice tomorrow)

Weather:The weather is fully enjoying the change of the seasons, with a forecast of a wet and chilly weekend.  Embrace this fact and sit inside by a fire and a glass of red, red wine.  Note: Just because the weather is chilly, that does not mean that you should have a chilly personality.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Cyberchondriac

Someone who spends their time searching medical websites for diseases they convince themselves they actually have

Alex: Mum!  diagnoseme.com told me that I had the swine flu!  It said that if your stomach hurts AND your head hurts at the same time you have swine flu.

Bev: You don't have the swine flu; you are such a cyberchondraic.  Most people call that a hangover.

 

Song of the Week:Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver (we have a bye week, so I am keeping the spirit of the Mountaineer alive!)

Notable Accomplishments:Ron Jr., Cam, and Nate participated in a golf tournament and Ron Jr. won a Steelers shirt, Cam won a knife, and Nate won a huge bag of candy.  Nate survived getting his braces on despite it taking double the time as they said it would and having a bracket fall off the first night.  Bev made it to work on time despite G-20 and protestors.  Unfortunately, Bev's coffee maker has poured it's last cup of coffee and therefore Bev is caffeine-depraved.  Mark, upon approaching his 1 year anniversary of his hospital stay finally has a clean bill of health.  Lexy brought home two trophies from the Cheer Queen Pageant last weekend for 3rd place for gown and 3rd place for cheer routine of the 25 girls that participated.  Ron Sr. has scheduled his cataract surgery for October.  Cam's senior pictures are finally finished.  Ron Jr. had a presentation for work which he aced.  The G-20 in Pittsburgh introduced a new Gatorade drink, so be excited for that.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:You are participating in a siutation much like displayed in the movies "Rat Race" and "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World."  You have to travel 8 hours and compete against all other readers of the FWN to get to $80 million dollars buried under a big A.  Unfortunately, all things with a moter (including all types of aircraft, cars, mopeds, etc) no longer work.  Cause, uh, the polarity of the world is off or something.  What are the means that you use to get to the money first?

FWN Member of the Week:No one is responding to e-mails about FWN Member of the Week.  So we have a stand-in.

 TROY POLAMALU!! (Yes, I talked to him, we're friends).

It took him eight years to grow out his hair that long.  His favorite place in the world is Egypt.  His favorite drink is Tang.  He was so thrilled with being the FWN Member of the week, that he changed his facebook name to Troy Polamalu.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds:Nada

Look for more next time,

Barson aka Blimpie aka Alex

Official Substitute Editor 

Father Time experiences shrinkage

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 27 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Autumn Equinox (First day of Fall), Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashana) MAZEL TOV!!!

Weather: Lots of clouds and curiosity developing over why we have to work 5 days this week, after Labor Day.  Darkness falls across the land, as the first day of fall shortens our days, alas closing time remains unchanged.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  manstrual period   

n. The unexplained moodiness of a male at completely random times

Michael: WHAT THE F(rench toast)?!?!?!  CAN”T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?!?!?! (as he sits smoking his stogie while doing Sudoku in the nightly paper)

Lexy: What’s with Michael?  Why is he so mean?

Tracy: I don’t know honey, he is just getting ready to have his manstrual period

Song of the Week: Man of Constant Sorrow – Soggy Bottom Boys (O Brother, Where Art Thou)

Notable Accomplishments:  Lexy is participating in a cheer pageant on Sunday, not required for the cheer team, but well worth the $500 Tracy put into it, I’m sure.  As the VP of the Elementary PTA, Gina took charge of the first meeting of the year without anyone walking out in disgust.  Lynne “rung” up some high scores in the employee Ladder Toss game earning a $10 Gift Card (Way to climb that tiny corporate ladder).  Carinne littered Facebook with some classic Fam photos from the old days.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You come across a Time Machine (with one hour of battery life on it).  Where do you go, what do you see/do, and how long do you stay?  If over an hour, you are there FOREVER…MWAHAHAHAH!!!!

FWN Member of the Week: Editor-on-Sabbatical, Carinne

Carinne’s favorite T-Shirt of all time was one she had as a child made with puffy paint (supplied by AL), it was blue and she believes it had Carinne written all over it.  Her Gettysburg calendar currently shows McKnight Hall for the month of September.  She would someday like to visit Portland, Oregon, over any other place in the US.  Her beverage of choice in Starbucks is currently the Iced Green Tea.  The one thing on her shopping list today is Milk.  She has been eating dry cereal for a week.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Free to good home – One slightly used foreign exchange student, a fixer-upper…doesn’t like to cook or clean.

Look for more next time,

Michael J. 

Some girls just shouldn't be allowed out in public

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 27 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Patriot Day, Poppy’s Birthday, Grandparent’s Day

Weather: Shiver me timbers! I see land upon the horizon. But where has all the rum gone?? Frickin’ floozies. Drankin all me rum.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  You lie!

The classiest way to respond to anyone you disagree with.

Obama: There are also those who claim that our reform efforts would insure illegal immigrants. This too is false - the reforms I'm proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally.

Joe Wilson: You lie!

Song of the Week: Kiss Me Deadly, Lita Ford

Notable Accomplishments:  With both great joy and sadness, as of Sept 1 Barry retired after 23 of being a National Guard CW4 Blackhawk Pilot. Cam only lost to R Jr at golf by 7 points. No F casualties due to a bee flying into their drink yet this week. Cam set off some fireworks and they were a success. Tracy survived a week of sickness. Bev conducted six interviews this week. Mark accidentally drank ½ gallon of Pinot Noir during the Steelers game and still made it into work on time. Liz got a free beer and dinner yesterday. Gina and family wished a fond farewell to their pup of 13 years, who is now chasing groundhogs and deer in a pain free world. MJ took a mental health day. Ali successfully scrubbed her entire bathroom yesterday, and called orders for her military group during their 9-11 ceremony. Chloe got 2 As on 2 homework assignments. Alex did not blow off any classes this week.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: What villain, or bad guy/girl, movie role would you like to play? You are not categorically restricted; you can be in any genre (you could be the Joker, or Shooter McGavin, or Captain Hook, or some western movie bad guy, etc).

FWN Member of the Week: Poppy!

Poppy is currently wearing an Outer Banks T-shirt. His breakfast consisted of OJ, oatmeal, pancakes and tea. His first job was painting/mowing for Ball Farm. If he played a professional sport, he’d want to play for the Steelers.  

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Tracy is having a back-to-school Mary Kay sale, only through Monday. Mascara and Eye Liner pencils- buy 1, get 2nd for half price! Save $10 on the Serum + C- set! Timewise Miracle Set- cleanser, moisturizer, day solution & night solution- 20% off on the set or $5 off individual items. Save $5 on the Satin Hands Set. All orders of $25 or more will get a $10 discount on their next order.  Contact Tracy directly (she’ll ship anywhere) or visit her website!

Look for more next time,

C-rin 

I have bacon stuck in my teeth

Official Editor

What cause this tomfoolery cometh?

9-9-09

dun dun DUN

be wary, all ye creatures of the newsletter, beware.

suspicion and mischeif is in the air…

boing boing

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 26 Vol 2

Important Holidays: Labor Day

Weather: Lots of sunshine this three day weekend, folks, so make sure your sunscreen is on before you start boozin’, otherwise you’ll be as red as the wine you’re drinking without even realizing it. And those around you will call you “Lobstaaa”, and you shall have to suffer the shame.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  butter face 

Editor confession: I had heard Chloe/Liz use this term before but had no idea what it was. I kept thinking of the time Marge Simpson gave a beauty tip and said she uses butter for lip gloss because Homer was all into that. So I finally looked it up and now I’m all clear.

n. A girl who is hot, except for her (but her, butter) face.

The girl with the unibrow on the movie Dodgeball is a butter face. (disclaimer: the editor has not actually paid attention to any of her physical features other than the unibrow. May be untrue. Feel free to suggest others) 

Song of the Week: Josh Ritter, Girl in the War

Notable Accomplishments:  Alex survived the day after being 21 as did Hanovers in regards to their camping trip. Aunt Jul is now a mother in law. In response to last week’s HSOTW: Spock has the most followers, with 38% of responses choosing him. However, strength is not in numbers, as mathematically, the three lizards would have won (Cindy, Tracy, Liz). Please see attachment (again) for more details. Mum Mum conducted another successful training session on safety around bees. Poppy is no longer bed ridden.  Nate is learning how to play the tuba; Cam is learning the guitar.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You find a wallet with $1,000 in it. Do you give it all back? Keep some of it? Keep all of it? What if it’s $100,000?

Member of the Week: Lana M. 

Lana is commonly known as Wigglebutt. In order for her to sleep, she must be entirely encased in a blanket, including her head, and if she suddenly wakes up she cannot find her way out. Her boyfriend’s name is Scout, and she does not like pretzels.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada

Look for more next time,

C-rin

ribfest, ribfest  (to the tune of crabfest)

Official Editor