champagne punch, homemade eggnog, and cans of fake snow

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 39 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather: Twas the two weeks before xmas, and all through the land, snow is a-fallin', and there's a beer in every hand. Keep it jolly all!

Special Holiday Section: What's your elf name?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/shropshire/features/christmas/name_generator.shtml

Urbandictionary word of the day:   nom nom nom

Represents the sound made when someone is eating or chewing something and really enjoying it.

"Blimpie! What are you doing?"

"Nom nom nom."

Song of the week: Adam Sandler, The Chanukah Song

Notable Accomplishments: Lexy and Tracy went to NYC last weekend, and survived. Cam made WPIAL time at last night's meet. Alex completed another semester at college.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You need to name a drink using all of your initials in order. What is it? Please feel free to add any specifics (recipes), and bonus points if you make a tagline for commercial sales. Anything alcoholic – beer, wine, liquor, moonshine – legal or not legal: it flies.

For example, if my initials were OLB, I might name a drink Old Lady Beer (Keeps the dentures clean but sends the granny panties flyin'!). INZ may be Ill Neck Zinfindel.

FWN Member of the Week: Bev! Because she rescued the missing issues 2&3 of the newsletter!

Bev's favorite reindeer is Vixen. Her favorite Holiday Drink is red wine. Instead of lunch today, she is simply eating all day (she's having a "Grazing Party"). Her high school and mascot was the Knoch Knights.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds:  "It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ..."

"What's a ZJ?"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Look for more next time,

Cutie Hot Helper (elf names rock)

I wouldn't touch you with a 39 ½ ft pole

Official Editor 

scrumptious curls

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 38 Vol 1

Important Holidays: None; therefore celebrate your own fabulousness.

Weather: A wretched soreness is moving through the area. Buy lots of beer and Bengay to alleviate your pain.

Special Holiday Song: The twelve days of Christmas, as written by WN members:

On the 12^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Twelve months off!

On the 11^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: An eleven day cruise!

On the 10^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: A ten bedroom house!

On the 9^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Nine faces!

On the 8^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Eight hot dogs!

On the 7^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Seven swans a swimming!

On the 6^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Six bottles of wine!

On the 5^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Five tall hot blondes!

On the 4^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Four winning lottery tix

On the 3^rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Three hot fudge Sundaes

On the 2^nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Two new nieces and nephews

On the 1^st day of Christmas my true love gave to me: And one great weekly newsletter!

Urbandictionary word of the day:   grill 

1. One's personal business

2. One's teeth/smile 

3. Ron's excuse to smoke a cigar

1. Carinne: I need Christmas lists!

   Mum-mum: Why you all in my grill? You'll get me list when I'm good and ready.

2. Lexy's grill has all kinds of bling with her braces.

3. LV dinner menu, week of Dec 1.

            Monday: Grilled Chicken

            Tuesday: Shishkabob

            Wednesday: Ribs

            Thursday: Leftover grilled chicken from Monday, re-grilled so it's "blackened chicken"

            Friday: Grilled corn on the cob and grilled cheese

If Ron's cigar stash on Monday = x cigars, then Ron's cigar stash on Friday = x – 300.

Song of the week: Tom Petty, Christmas All Over Again

Notable Accomplishments: Cam and Nate's first swim meet is tonight. Next week is Alex's finals week. Did you know that every year a couple hundred people write in their own Presidential nominee – "Jack Daniels"? Haha. Carinne's hip hurts really bad. Bev motions to put her down.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: We've all heard the weird names for kids from famous stars. Gwyneth Paltrow's Apple. Alex is planning on naming her first child Bovish. Cam and Nate have made their children on the Wii with their weird names (okeefinokee?). So, you know you've thought of a weird name you'd like to name your child. What is your weird name you'd use?

True story: Editor knew a person from college who always thought the word "chlamydia" was very pretty, and would use it for a name if it wasn't an STD.

FWN Member of the Week: Cameron!

Cam's favorite reindeer is Comet. His favorite event to swim is the 100 fly. On Monday (mind you, there was no school Monday), he woke up at 6:15am, but not mentally until 8:56 and 47 sec (when practice ended). Given the choice between a hamburger or a taco, he picked a taco.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Does anyone have an extra cell phone earpiece laying around? Not necessarily a blue tooth, just a wire one. Carinne would like it. Publish your X-mas lists, thanks!

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Ho ho ho!

Official Editor 

No Soup For You

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 37 Vol 1

Important Holidays: World AIDS day

Weather: stuffy with a 100% chance of Lana snorting snow. (It's crack cocaine! I'm in a wonderland!)

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Cougar

An older woman who chases after a younger man. Includes MILFs.

A famous cougar is Demi Moore.  

Song of the week: Picked by AK: Highway to Hell, ACDC

Notable Accomplishments: FWN welcomes miss Alison to the newsletter recipients! Cam brought riddles to the Thanksgiving dinner table. Alex is at the Pitt-WVU football game. Carinne won the family scavenger hunt on T-giving.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  Your backyard brawl this year is the Muppets vs the Looney Tunes. First, which team are you the coach of (see both rosters below)? Who is your starting quarterback (feel free to additionally include any other players you so desire)?

Your Muppets Draft:

Miss Piggy, Kermit, The Great Gonzo, Fozzie, The Swedish Chef, Animal, Elmo, Rowlf the Dog, Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Oscar

Your Looney Tunes Draft:

Daffy Duck – Sylvester the Pussycat – Bugs Bunny – Elmer Fudd – Porky Pig – Marvin the Martian – Tweety – Road Runner – Pepe le Pew – Wile E. Coyote – Tasmanian Devil

FWN Member of the Week: Lexy!

Lexy's favorite reindeer is Rudolph. Her middle name is Nicole. For breakfast, she ate a chocolate cinnamon roll. Lastly, if she could be on any TV show, it would be Paris Hilton my New BFF (I've never seen that).

Classifieds: Feel better, Tom. Carinne went to American Eagle.com and the site was down, so they offered an extra 20% off code. Enter this number if you shop online: 87954302 for the code.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Jingle Bells. Grouchy Pants.

Official Editor 

Ever try sliding down a bobsled run naked?

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 36 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Turkey Day

Weather: Extreme bloating will take over the nation. Bring your gas-ex and tide pens with you at all times this week.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Vegetarian Vampire

A vampire that drinks animal blood, and resists human blood.

I don't have a sentence. 

Song of the week: B.B King, Eric Clapton: Riding with the King

Notable Accomplishments: Cam and Nate have survived, so far, varsity swimming. Snow has been sighted in western PA.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: Pick your poison:

a)      Be a vegetarian on Thanksgiving

b)      Be a retail worker on Black Friday

c)      Get the runs (read: explosive diarrhea) while on the Turnpike

FWN Member of the Week: Tracy!

For breakfast today, Tracy had a granola bar and yogurt. Her favorite pair of shoes are black. The first concert she ever saw was Stevie Knix. Lastly, when in high school, Tracy played tennis, softball, and was a majorette in the band. 

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Has anyone read the Twilight series? I've been hearing really good reviews about the books from a lot of people. Also, there may not be a FWN issue next week. We'll see.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Gobble gobble… Gizzard

Official Editor

bangers & mash

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 35 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Mexico's Revolution Anniversary

Weather: Frickin freezin frickin freezin BRR. Get out them tharr winter jackets before yew blizzard yer brewski offa dem hands rite thurr. Brr.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  MIRF

noun. acronym for Mom I'd Run From. The opposite of a MILF. A mom you definitely would not want to do.

Common MIRFs (in C opinion, feel free to add): Raymond's Mom from Everyone Loves Raymond, Barbara Bush, Courtney Love, Hillary Clinton

Song of the week: It's A Camper Inside, Nate 

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne went to see "Zach and Miri Make a Porno"; it is set and filmed in Pittsburgh(Monroeville). Cam stayed overnight at the army barracks last night. Alex teaches Kindergartners. Aunt Jul's son Josh got engaged.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Editor's answer: Astronaut

FWN Member of the Week: Tom!!

If Tom could have any superpower, it would be to fly. His favorite shirt is any penguins T-shirt. His shoe size is 10 ½ 4E (WTF is 4E?!?!?). Lastly, his favorite part of thanksgiving is the Turkey.

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  We are looking for issues 2&3 of the Weekly Newsletter. Please check your inbox, deleted items, and sent items (if you responded, you might have a copy in your sent). Thanks all. Please please help in our efforts to find these historical documents!

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Gobble gobble… Gizzard

Official Editor 

shrooms and balloons

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 34 Vol 1

Important Holidays: Veteran's Day, and the most important birthday of the year

Weather: Nobody likes you when you're twenty three.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  crop dusting 

a. farting while walking;

b. walking while farting

Michael: I can crop dust to the tune of any song. Shake it up baby now, toot and shout, toot and shout.

Ron: Oh yeah? I crop dusted all the way down the aisle on my wedding day.

Mark: Oh yeah? I'm crop dusting right now!

Song of the week: Blink 182- what's my age again?

Notable Accomplishments: Bev completed her first week of being supervisor. Ron survived getting rear ended inCincinnati. Ron, Mark, and Barry are golfing today (in the rain? In the Cold? Guess if you got booze and goofy pants, you'll survive alright). Bev gets to leave work early today. Lexy did her double back hand spring and back tuck (maybe you should put that on youtube for us all to see). Tom beat his personal best with a fever of 103; feel better Tom! Aunt Lynne (whose FWN membership may be discontinued) won a small McFlurry from the Monopoly game. Carinne won a free blizzard from DQ.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You're a hairy, scary, greasy, hairnet wearing, 47+ years of cigarette smokin' lunch lady. What's on the menu today?

FWN Member of the Week: I guess it's me… Multiple nominations. Thanks all. I will answer past HSOTW questions… Do you remember these??

If Carinne were a hairy, scary greasy, etc lunchlady, her lunch menu of choice would be bangers and mash. Then all the immature kids would be all like "heh heh bangers heh heh". When given the choice between door #1, 2, or 3, she'd pick #1.  If there was a "real women of genius" song written about her, it would be Miss I Have Won Way Too Much Free Stuff At The Bar And I Don't Even Know What To Do With It All, Especially These XXXXL T-Shirts. Or Miss I spent Too Many Years in Marching Band. If she was in a public bathroom, did her biznass, and realized there was no TP and she really needed some, she would ask the person next to her to pass some, or use UM's method (thanks for the brilliant suggestion).

Thanks! (clapclapclapclapclap)

Classifieds:  Hanover members are in search of a new day care provider for Fridays of every week and possibly one or two more days on some weeks due to UM/T traveling. Please contact anyone who may be able to assist. Juniper needs a vacuum.

Look for more next time,

Carinne

Gobble gobble… Gizzard

Official Editor

is there an elephant in the room? oh it's just your donkey.

Family Weekly Newsletter

Special Election Day Edition – vol 1 issue 33.5

Get Out And Vote!

Fun Fact: When Carinne was in high school, her Japanese teacher was native to Japan. She had difficulty with some pronunciation – including Election Day. This was pronounced as "Erection Day".

Fun Links: View each candidate's platforms on each issue, side by side:

http://obama-mccain.info/index-obama-mccain.php

Send an election day e-card:

http://www.americangreetings.com/ecards/category.pd/Occasions-Special-Occasions-Election-Day/_/N-80u4Z80r6/Ne-81c4?lpage=2_2008_1101_nm_victorydance.jpg&navtype=homebb

A very intense quiz but will help you with your decision

http://www.whoshouldyouvotefor.com/

Hypothetical Situation of the Day: If you had to write in your candidate for president (you cannot pick obama or mccain or nader), who would you choose? And why?

Sciencey Predictions: Since the steelers won last night, an Obama victory is imminent.

Notable accomplishments: Carinne voted this morning. They had a poll booth in her complex's clubhouse. She was in and out within five minutes. Did you vote yet today? Bring an iPod and a book. PA will probably have long lines – but in the battleground state, your vote DOES matter!

Hypothetical Poll: Please vote on the following.

Tomato issue: TomAYto or tomAHto?

OJ: Pulp or No Pulp? Guilty or Not?

Taco: Hard, soft, or salad?

Thanks again and vote for Carinne in 2024!!!!

Carizzle

Your Humble Editor