Take a cup o' kindness yet...

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 42 Vol 4

Important Holidays: AJ’s Birthday, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day (2012)

Weather:  Watch out for the wayward confetti rain happening this weekend. Saturday night will be typical; the only difference is you’re pretty much guaranteed to get some sort of action at midnight, versus awkwardly trying to be a big bad wolf.    

Urbandictionary word of the day: Killing two pigs with one bird

An adaptation of the old saying “killing two birds with one stone”, this is derived from the game Angry Birds. Are you angry Petr? You look angry.

RE Jr: Getting a Home Depot gift card at the grocery store. Killing two birds with one stone.

CP: I think the birds have had it with getting two of their kind killed with one stone. Evolution has been happening and now they’re killing two pigs with one bird. Making a comeback… Still with a sacrifice though.

RE Jr: What?

CP: Angry birds. Go ask Lexy.

Song of the Week: George Thorogood, One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

Notable Accomplishments:  BK is leading in the FWN college bowl pool. AL dethroned UM as the wishbone champion. On Deighton’s last day at HH the family got the HH on the national leaderboard.  Cam won at Candyland. Alex and Carinne have been reunited with Twisted Metal 2. Carinne again found the pickle. MM did a great job impersonating Greggy.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    Who would you rather decide your New Year’s Resolution?

a)      The authors of fortune cookies

b)      Richard Simmons

c)      A random member of the cast of Looney Tunes

d)      Alex Trebek

FWN Member of the Week: AJ!

Aunt Jul has no idea why her name is Aunt Jul but she likes it. Her favorite class in high school was Fine Arts because they went on lots of trips. If forced to choose between an extra finger and an extra toe, she’d take the finger to salute people with. Lastly, AJ can hold her breath for approximately 78 minutes.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Two month FWN tone-up/weight-loss plan, goes until March 9^th. It’s the dreary months, what else do you have to do but go to the gym? Keep your endorphins up.

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Juror No. 1

oh by golly have a holly jolly christmas...

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 41 Vol 4

Important Holidays: Aunt Jul's wedding anniversary, Christmas Eve, Christmas

Weather:  They're scolding you and saying your naughty but one of these days that tune will change when all that coal you've gotten turns to diamonds.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Focus Pocus

Typically, when you're working the day before a holiday or vacation, it can be difficult to force yourself to get stuff done. You need some focus pocus, a magic potion or spell to get you in gear. Can be mythical, sometimes just nothing is going to get you moving. Can be via other incentive. 

UM: Man, I'm the only member of the newsletter without an out-of-office up. And I forgot my cell phone at home, there goes facebook. I'll just pull up the old solitaire until quittin' time...

Boss: 10% bonus if you finish this.

UM: That is some focus pocus. Done and done. 

Song of the Week: John Denver & the Muppets, Twelve Days of Christmas

Notable Accomplishments:  Alex got all A's and finished her first half of grad school. Cam passed his courses this semester. Mark helped Cam brew a batch of beer. After a temporary scare, Carinne's car (rhonda) is fine. Currently in the college football pool, BEVIE leads the FWN pack. 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    Which of the twelve days of Christmas would you like to receive as a gift? Note, for example, if you pick Six Geese a Laying, you only get the six geese a laying (not everything below it, like in the song). If you need a reminder they are listed below.

Fun fact: to acquire all of the items on the twelve days of Christmas, it is estimated it would cost $24,263.18 today. Although I have a theory you could find college kids to do some leaping and milking for a lot cheaper. 

Twelve drummers drumming,

Eleven pipers piping,

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

A partridge in a pear tree 

FWN Member of the Week: Tom!

If Tom played a professional sport he would play hockey. This year, he was a little naughty and a little nice. His favorite holiday movie is 'A Christmas Story' and he has no idea why he was named Tom. 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Happy Holidays from the FWN!!!

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

wine & bruschetta under my tree for santa

Official Editor

Awkin' Around the Christmas Tree

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 40 Vol 4

Important Holidays: First Day of Chanukah, First Day of Winter

Weather:  If you’re hipless and you know it clap your hands, if you’re hipless and you know it clap your hands, if you’re hipless and you know it then you really oughta show it if you’re hipless – ah screw it, have a cigar in the hot tub.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Beard Goggles

Being oblivious to how bad your beard looks; thinking it is very attractive and suave when in fact it is not.

Cam: Check out my beard.

Nate: My beard is better.

JLo: Beard goggles off dudes. I can grow a better beard than that in five minutes.

Song of the Week: Candy Cane Christmas, Darius Rucker

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne’s jury duty ended after nine days. Dr. Ali has been accepted into a residency program. Cam finished another semester of school.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    There’s a shortage of pine trees, both real and fake. What do you decorate in place of a traditional Christmas tree?

FWN Member of the Week: Darlene!

Darlene did not respond to the questionnaire in a timely manner. Better luck next year!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Zilch

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Juror No. 1

All Rise, The Jury is Entering Court

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 39 Vol 4

Important Holidays: Heather’s Birthday

Weather:  Beware, everything you say and do can and will be used against you in a system of newsletter mockery.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Passport to Jersey

Dressing as if you are from/going to Jersey; ie, fake tans, fauxhawks, poufs, cheetah prints, oversized beads, and the like. YEA BUDDY

Nate: What is that smell?

CP: It is eau de turnpike. I’m traveling back to NJ today so I have to be proper in case the authorities pull me over at the border.

Song of the Week: Billy Squier, Christmas is the time to say “I Love You”

Notable Accomplishments:  RE Jr’s second hip replacement was a raging success. DM has been released from her walker. Nate has been made captain of the swim team. Greggy got into grad school. Cam is chaplain of his frat. Carinne is juror no. 1 in a civil trial.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You live in a gingerbread house. Of course you’re being featured on the GHGTV (Gingerbread HGTV). What delicious part of your home or garden are they featuring?

For example it could be the cream-cheese icing crown molding in your dining room. Or perhaps your walk-in iced sugar cube box to hold all of your special wines.

FWN Member of the Week: Heather!

Heather is on the nice list; actually, she’s never been on the naughty list. Her shirt today is light blue and if she had to have one of the reindeers as pets she’d pick Rudolph. Lastly, her high school mascot was a Tiger.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Please contact UM if you’d like to get in to his college football bowl pool.

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Juror No. 1

Freezing my Frizzer Off

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 38 Vol 4

Important Holidays: None

Weather:  If you snail-mail a request to the ‘Honey I Shrunk the Kids’ producers they’ll send you pills to make you smaller, or shrunk*. Then, you can live like Hansel and Gretel in a Gingerbread house (as long as you remember to make the gingerbread house before taking the pills). Therefore your weather forecast includes a light powdered sugar rain, just enough to coat the mint tic tacs.

*As children Alex and I thought we could write them a letter and they would send these to us. True story.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Recyclopath

One who is so focused on the environment they become a hostile, obsessed recycler.

RE Jr: Where are my reusable grocery bags? WHERE! WHERE!

BK: Chill, recyclopath.

*Disclaimer: Saving the environment is good. We could all benefit from a little recyclopath.

Song of the Week: She Will, Lil Wayne feat. Drake

Notable Accomplishments:  Aunt Lynne has finished 16 years at work. Carinne finished all of her Thanksgiving leftovers today. Carinne won a new app for her iPhone.  UM is now on a winning sports streak. UM/T/Lexy safely made it to Tennessee. Nicole got a new haircut.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    Choose one or death. Which of these would you dress up as?

a)      A pilgrim

b)      Cupid

c)      Easter Bunny

d)      Uncle Sam

e)      Punxsutawney Phil

FWN Member of the Week: Gina!

This year Gina has been very naughty. She was named after Gina Lolabridgeta (sp?). Gina’s favorite reindeer is Vixen because she knows how to have a good time. Breakfast today was tea, cinnamon toast, codeine cough syrup and antibiotics with sugar on top.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Please contact Aunt Lynne with any job leads you may have. She can forward her resume to you if you may know anyone.

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

walking in a waffle wonderland

Official Editor

shots of vodka and turkey juice

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 37 Vol 4

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:  Out of offices unite! Tis the season for no one to be at work and for UM’s out of office memo overload. 

Urbandictionary word of the day: Parkopoly

The secret password.

[At an undisclosed location]

FWN Member 1: Parko

FWN Member 2: POLO

FWN Member 3: Not POLO jeez POLY you’re fired as bouncer at [undisclosed location]

Song of the Week: Steppenwolf, Magic Carpet Ride

Notable Accomplishments:  Parkopoly was successfully created; Carinne won the first game. Alex accidentally texted the whole family instead of just Cam when shopping at midnight sales on Black Friday. Cam stood in line for two hours at Target for a PS3. Cam got selected for an army leadership training program. Nate began varsity swimming. Alex helped make the Thanksgiving pies this year. RE Jr was inducted into the German Club.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  If you could write an out of office message and have it be appropriate, what would it say? For example typically people are professional and brief, but now you can brag or be as honest as you’d like.

Having more fun than you for the next three days, until I run out of mosquito repellent. Then I will be wishing I was at work. I may also be out on Monday due to my hypochondriac tendency to fear malaria. Contact my boss with urgent inquiries.

FWN Member of the Week: MOTW is on holiday this week. Celebrate yourself!

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Cam is selling candy bars for $1 and Tracy is selling candles for $10.

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

shopping hangover

Official Editor 

Snoopy's down on 16th st

Happy Thanksgiving!!!! 


HSOT Holiday: what non family/love/job related thing are you thankful for? Ex you may pick your facebook account. Something that makes you quite happy.

Family Blah Blah Yeah Yeah

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 36 Vol 4

Important Holidays: None

Weather:  Good Googlie Mooglie it’s cold out here. Colder that a turkey’s you know what!!! Hey at least the sun is out.

Urbandictionary word of the day: Nincompoopery

The characteristic actions that define and identify a person as a complete idiot.

Bev:                Marco, I don’t understand why we have to come to work every day.

Marco:            I AM SURROUNDED BY COMPLETE AND UTTER NINCOMPOOPERY!!! I quit.

Bev:                Yay!!! (Bev does the running man all over the office)

Song of the Week: Britney Spears, Criminal

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne won monopoly last weekend. Ron enjoyed Troegs. Brandi is expecting her first child in June.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  If you could have been the star in any movie (new or old), what celebrity would you replace?

FWN Member of the Week: Nicole    

If Nicole were to go on a game show she would go on Family Feud because she insists her family would be great entertainment. Her favorite alcoholic “Bev”erage is an orange V & T with lemon, if on the scene and a glass of wine, if relaxing at home. Nicole was teased in the 3^rd grade for her boyish middle name, Rae, so her classmates thought, but was mesmerized by a kiss from John Myers in the 6^th grade during a game of spin the bottle. After that kiss she ran into the woods because she was scared (I hope it wasn’t dark out).

Thanks! (spank, spank, spank, spank)

Classifieds: Please contact Aunt Lynne with any job leads you may have. She can forward her resume to you if you may know anyone.

Look for more next time,

Brandi on behalf of c@r!nn3

Official Editor

Family Weekly Boozeletter

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 35 Vol 4

 

Important Holidays: Veterans Day

 

Weather:  What the? Moody moony all around lately. It's best to sequester yourself until it's all out of everyone else's (but most likely it's you, you're just blaming everyone else) system.

 

Urbandictionary word of the day: S'moron

 

Someone who does not understand the concept of s'mores or how to properly make s'mores.

 

Michael: Lexy, that's the fourth s'more you've burned!

Lexy: I like them that way. GOSH. S'moron.

Michael: Uh, grounded!

 

Song of the Week: The Ronettes, Be My Baby

 

Notable Accomplishments:  Carinne and MM continued to play scrabble; Carinne has been winning excessively, possibly due to "birthday week" concessions.     

 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Would you rather have a crystal ball, a slightly fluky magic wand, or a time machine? Please note the time machine cannot go in the future, and the magic wand cannot manipulate time.

 

FWN Member of the Week: Tracy!    

 

If Tracy were to go on a game show she would go on Family Feud. She has no idea why she was name Tracy, but her dad picked it. For breakfast she had Yogurt and if she were to visit another country it would be anywhere in Europe.

 

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

 

Classifieds: Nada

 

Look for more next time,

 

c@r!nn3

so far 26 has been lame.

Official Editor