Family Weekly Newsletter
Issue 49 Vol 1
Important Holidays: Friday the 13th, St. Pink and Sappy Vomit Day, President's Day, UM&T Anniversary, and a special shout out to AL&T, whose anniversary was inadvertently neglected to be announced last week.
Weather: Papercuts will be rampant throughout the nation this weekend as mass amounts of small letters with endearments are opened. This spread of blood will result in a 85% chance of vampires in most areas; be sure to pack your garlic.
Special New Years Weight Loss Section: AND THE RESULTS ARE IN! We are a lighter, healthier group of people!
First of all, let's announce those who were stalemate. Aunt Jul, Carinne & UM lost zilch. (This was a relief to Carinne – after the superbowl, she was sure she'd gained.)
Aunt Lynne! Lost 5.4lbs
Ron Jr! Lost 4lbs.
Bev! Lost 1lb
Hooray! No one gained.
Special request, by multiple people, to extend the competition to Easter. We'll keep it going and have another weigh in then, but we won't have a weekly section on it. Keep up the good work! All are welcome to join the biggest loser for this next month – weigh yourself now and then for the edition before Easter! You will be reminded!!!
Special Holiday Love Section: Find out how much you love someone (or something) with the love-o-meter!http://www.love-meter.net/
Carinne has a 68% love for chocolate and a 78% love of vegetables.
FWN Personals: Michael will always love Tracy more than Facebook.
Happy Make Out With Me Day Barson! Love Wigglebutt.
Happy Anniversary to my beautiful wife.
Dear Take-Home Math Exam, I hope I don't set you on fire this Valentine's Day weekend. Actually, I kind of want to. Love, Chloe
Dear Editor in Chief: You're hot. Let's go out sometime. Love, Carinne
Dear Michael & Tracy, Happy Anniversary, Love Lynne & Tom
Ron and Dee = Lynne and Tom + Ron and Bev+ Michael and Tracy = Carinne, Alex, Cam, Nate and Lexy. What better love can that be and a blessing.
Dear Mom & Dad, Happy Valentines Day, Love Lynne & Tom
To my eldest sister, Bucky! You make me feel so lucky! Your quite the gal, I'm glad you're my pal. May your Valentine's Day be ducky! Love, sister
Dear Ron, You are the love of my life. Yours Always, Bev.
For Bev: To the queen, long may she reign. Love Ole Stoge.
Dear Tom, I love you as much as Angel hates me, Love Lynne
Dear Carinne, Alex, Cam, Nate & Lexy, Happy Valentines Day, consider this your card. Love Aunt Lynne & Tom
To familie, cam, and nate: reh reh pfpfpfpfpf!!! Love blimpie
Dear WN Members: Thanks for reading! Love you! <3 editor
Urbandictionary word of the day: ex-hole
your azzhole ex-husband, ex-girlfriend or just plain ex. a phrase used to refer to that person you used to date that you can't stand.
Nate: I'm so glad you broke up with her, Cam. What an ex-hole.
Cam: (bursts into tears) I don't want to be alone on valentine's day… She was the best ever…
Song of the Week: Death Cab for Cutie, I Will Possess Your Heart
Notable Accomplishments: Poppy has made quite a bit of progress in his walking therapy. Keep up the positive attitude and great work! Lexy has reached womanhood! Aunt Jul's doggy will be neutered this week (Bob Barker "Remember to spay and neuter your pets!), so on behalf of the Price is Right, we all thank you for helping animal population control. Bev's company was named supplier of the year by her corporate office! Cam and Nate get to experience a full-body-shave for the last ditch swim meet (last chance to qualify for the western PA conference championships). Cam dyed his hair blue. FWN welcomes Gina to the newsletter!
Hypothetical Situation of the Week: You and your significant other are forced to re-create a romantic scene from a movie. Any famous love/romance scene can be redone (the sappier, the better). What scene or movie do you do? (If you don't have a significant other, fear not, one will be provided).
Don't worry about looking/being awkward – say you're wanting to recreate a beach scene but are afraid of yourself in a bikini – who cares? Assume you look great and fit the role perfectly.
FWN Member of the Week: Mark!
Mark has, indeed, called in sick when he wasn't sick at all. His middle name is Aaron. The first concert he ever went to was Journey with Van Halen as an opener (with all of the original members for both bands. He was 15). Lastly, his degree in college was Business Administration with a focus on Study Accounting (debits and credits and numbers OH MY!).
Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)
Classifieds: "Rule number one: Don't propose to a girl on a bus, you got that? Rule number two: Don't tell her it's because you had a bad dream." – Walk the Line
Look for more next time,
Carinne
Be Mine!
Official Editor
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