Eau de Sunscreen

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 11 Vol 5

Important Holidays: Memorial Day

Weather:  Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today. [It's coooold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?] Not hardly. And you know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing. [That blizzard - thing. That blizzard - thing. Oh, well, here's the report! The National Weather Service is calling for a "big blizzard thing!"] Yessss, they are. But you know, there's another reason why today is especially exciting. [Especially cold!] Especially cold, okay, but the big question on everybody's lips... [On their chapped lips...] On their chapped lips, right: Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow? [Punxsutawney Phil!] Thats right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's GROUNDHOG DAY!

Urbandictionary word of the day: Splenda Daddy

A man who strives to be a sugar daddy but doesn’t have the funds to pull it off.

After hitting the clubs at the Jersey Shore, Carinne realized all of the dudes in NJ were splenda daddies as they were in their thirties and hadn’t moved out of their parent’s houses yet.

Song of the Week: Alex Clare, Too Close

Trainer Tip of the Week: (Temporary special section as Carinne is voluntarily getting her butt kicked at the gym with a trainer) Protein helps keep blood sugar from spiking too high or low. Including a protein source with each meal or snack can help you prioritize and balance your intake and cravings. This includes eggs, cottage cheese, yogurt, nuts/natural peanut butter, edamame, beans, hummus, or grilled meats.      

Notable Accomplishments:  Wine Fest 2012 was an epic success. Alex passed her praxis. A number of FWN members are ill or injured; wishing all a speedy recovery and a healthy upturn. Cam will return from his first round of out-of-state army duty of the summer only to leave again next week.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:    It’s Memorial Day Weekend! You’re all ready for your boozin’ and beachin’. Unfortunately on Thursday, before the weekend, you went down to the local gypsy, got a little ballsy, and drank some of her mystery juice. Which unfortunate side effect do you have to deal with for the next 72 hours?

a)      (women only can pick) An unusually large amount of chest hair (and no, your razor, Nair, weed wacker, can’t tackle this… And you can’t wear a shirt to cover it up.)

b)      (men only can pick) A tan line on the top of your chest that makes it appear you wore a woman’s bikini top in the sun for a few days without sunscreen… And unfortunately, like the women, you can’t wear a shirt to cover it up.

c)      Everytime someone says the word “Shark”, you run down the beach like Hasselhoff or Pamela because you genuinely think you’re on Baywatch

d)      An overwhelming sense of threat from every person wearing red swim trunks, so much so that you leap up and challenge them to a sand castle building duel when they walk in front of you.

FWN Member of the Week: Nate!     

Nate has some exciting events coming up in the next few weeks, including Prom tonight and graduation in June. Congrats Nate!

If Nate could sing any song for karaoke and be guaranteed to pull it off, he’d pick Big Bang from Caddyshack. 90 Seconds ≤ how long Nate can hold his breath ≤ how long George can hold his breath. Nate would choose to live underwater versus in space. Lastly, his favorite class in high school was precalculus (honors precalculus, he specifies).  

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Nada   

Look for more next time,

c@r!nn3

Web M.D.

Official Editor