The Screw Cork Awards

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 3 Vol 9

Important Holidays: Das Mama Day

Weather:   When you see the lightning, you’ll start grooving; when you hear the thunder you’ll stop moving. Boom flash boom flash boom flash boom flash.   

Urbandictionary word of the day: Buysexual

Someone who gets turned on from buying things.

Tracy went to Lancaster for shopping last week; that’s a serious haul. She’s buysexual. At least UM saves gas on his tendencies – he is buysexual when it comes to Ebay.

Song of the Week: Me First & the Gimme Gimmes, The Phantom of the Opera

Notable Accomplishments:  Osama Bin Laden has been given Time Magazine’s cover with an X over his face, a cover only offered to three others before (including Hitler). Alex’s undergraduate classes are done! Carinne has completed her wine passport. Carinne also got cable. Cigarfest was an epic success, with a number of freebies that vastly outweighed the cost of the ticket. Additionally, cigarfest attendee count grew; old dudes gone wild is multiplying exponentially. Pittsburgh had one day of no rain in April.   

Hypothetical Situation of the Week (By RE Jr):   So, the wedding is over, the honeymoon has ended, now it’s time to open that glorious mountain of gifts. Since of course you were invited to the royal wedding, what did you buy as a gift?  

FWN Member of the Week: Cam!

Cam is not a mom, but as it is mother’s day weekend: if he were a mom, he would be named Clarice. His most recent meal was 2lbs of wings (gross). He can hold his breath for about a minute and his least favorite class this year was psych 101.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Newsletter Biggest Loser til Memorial Day? $5 buy-in, winner takes all, but you have to pay $1 for every lb gained. Weigh yourself this Monday Morning (May 9), then we’ll do every Friday until memorial day weekend. That gives you four weeks to get the bikini bod. Inquire within if interested!

Look for more next time,

Carinne

And the award goes to -

Official Editor