what part of wineaux don't you understand?

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 36 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nada

Weather:   It’s national celebrate Cam and Nate week. You do this by adding strange British phrases to the end of every sentence. Brilliant! Cheerio. Ah, a ha!

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Enoteca

                                                            

A wine bar, or a place to go pick up wineos.

Cougar Cam picks up Cougar Ladies at the local Enoteca. Ah, grape expectations.  

Song of the Week: YMCA, village people (in honor of my gym, the YMCA, which is having “membership month” with lots of freebies and challenges)

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne lost 0.5lbs this week at the weigh in despite multiple celebratory attempts to otherwise foil weight loss. Girls Team beat Boys Team at bowling last weekend. MM and AL hiked around the NYC marathon last weekend. UM/T pulled off a surprise trip to NJ. Greggy did not shower for >48 hours (VOM). Cam got in the hot tub for the first time. REP Jr survived 48 hours away from the hot tub.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Another initial related question.

Your first initial is a title (as in, Captain)

Second two initials are the rest of the name that would make you an unlikely superhero or leader. (As in, pizzy pants).

FWN Member of the Week: Carinne's Lunch!

Today for lunch Carinne had a can of soup, a free birthday ice cream, and a diet coke. The lunch excluded the can of soup as the ice cream was eaten first and there was no longer room (or time) for soup. After lunch, a nice piece of minty gum is enjoyed to save her coworkers from halitosis.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Reply all should be fixed! The alias was regenerated. Please give it a shot by replying-all this week! Hopefully I didn’t cut anyone (so sorry if I did!).

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Pizzy Pants

Official Editor 

Quarter Centennial

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 34 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Ye Elderly Editor’s Quarter of a Century, Veteran’s Day

Weather:  Chilly but with all of that Pinot you won’t feel a darn thing.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Spot Tease

                                                            

When a parking spot appears to be open but is actually occupied by a motorcycle, smart car, etc.

Tim: Freakin’ Amish. Taking all of my spaces at the local Kwick-E-Buggy. What spot teases.

Nicole: Oh look! Spot opening near Porta-Manure!

Tim: Ugh.

Song of the Week: Mickey Avalon, Mr. Right

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne lost 1.5 lbs this week on her biggest loser; let’s hope she doesn’t gain it back this weekend. Cam is home from boot camp and recovering from toe complications. Alex and Greggy saw the first snowfall of the year on their epic seven hour drive to NJ. 

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:  So there’s heat miser and cold miser. What weather related miser are you?

FWN Member of the Week: The Pennsylvania Turnpike

The PA Turnpike’s favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because it gets so much traffic. If you ask what its favorite rest stop is, it is the one at appx. mile 172 because it’s clean and has a farmers market. The nice thing about the PA turnpike is if you break down there’s always a bar at the next exit (known from experience cough cough). If the turnpike were to be stranded on a desert island with one plug it would bring its EZ Pass Receptor.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: AARP will now be sponsoring the newsletter.

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Average Old Broad

Official Editor

Eat, Drink & Be Scary

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 34Vol 3

Important Holidays: Nate’s Birthday, Halloween, Election Day

Weather (By BK):  It’s colder than a witches t*t so the werewolves of London need to put on an extra hide. It’s going to rain candy corn but some parts will have monster mash hailing down.  

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Organic Stairmaster

                                                            

A hill.

Trick-or-treating in Pittsburgh is a challenge due to the organic stairmasters around. Fortunately, parental hosts of trick or treating are treated with cold beverages at various stops.

Song of the Week: Ghost Busters, Ray Parker Jr.

Notable Accomplishments: Cam is back today! Last week’s Halloween party was a success. The hot tub is still in good condition.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Would you rather spend a night at:

a) Bates Motel

b) Dracula's Castle

c) Alcatraz

d) The Shining's Overlook Hotel

FWN Member of the Week: Nate!

Trick or Treat? Nate picks treat. The year Nate was a hippie was his favorite Halloween costume. This morning he woke up at 6am. Given the option of sweating jell-o or  ice cream he’d pick jell-o because the ice cream would be too sticky.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Anyone have tickets to the black & ghouled game this weekend?

Look for more next time,

Caricula

Alive with the undead

Official Editor

Witch's Ball & Broomstick Gala, BYO Cauldron

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 33 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Barry’s Birthday

Weather:  BAM! Ka-POW! In an epically lame week, feel free to spice up your routine with words that are fundamentally more thrilling. Walking to the copy machine? Insert a Hi-YAH! Waiting for the microwave? Toss out a BOOM!

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Premake

                                                            

The original version of a song that is less famous than the remake.

Common premakes are All Along the Watchtower, Hound Dog, Live & Let Die…

Song of the Week: We No Speak Americano, Yolanda Be Cool

Notable Accomplishments: Carinne lost 6lbs this week on her biggest loser weigh in; unfortunately most of that is Diet Coke weight from her trying to throw the initial weigh in. Cam comes home next week!  Barson will be a rockette tonight on her sorority's homecoming float.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Today is national Caps Lock Day. What keyboard key would you like to make a national holiday for?  

FWN Member of the Week: Dr. Ali!

The editor did not get the questionnaire out early enough, and Ali is all out being a Dr., so no responses yet.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Anyone want to make a witch’s brew of sinus relief?

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Alive with the undead

Official Editor 

Vampire Bunnies

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 32 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Boss’s Day, Marco Birthday

Weather:  Dense cigar smoke, errr I mean fog, is clouding up the whole issue, errr I mean forecast. Too much smoky smoky drinky drinky all of you little doggies.

Smokes & Brew Section (By MJ): Cigar is a Nub Hababo 358, smooth, rich with nutty undertones. Retails for about $4.50. Beer is 21st Amendment Brewery's Back in Black, black IPA. It looks like a stout, tastes like a hearty IPA, goes down likea porter with a bite. As MJ writes, it is the “Finest $35 case of cans I ever had.”

Special Advertisement Section: UM bought a website, www.MyCigarOutlet.com where he will sell cigars and accessories. Check his site out and maybe we can work out a special promotional FWN member discount!!!

Bonus Wine & Cigar of the Week (contributed by your Professor of Winology and Smokonomics): Wine of the week is the domaine du Grand Arc Corbieres and comes to you courtesy of the French Corbieres Appellation on the Mediterranean Sea.  And like the warm waters of the Sea and the tan bods on the beach, this wine is smooth, dark and ooooh so fine.  So get your suit on (of course it is optional in France) and drink in the pleasure. Normally, I would say drink this with red meat and strong cheeses, but screw that, just drink it with whatever you have.  Oh and pour me a glass while you are at it.  I got this wine at Arrowine in Arlington, VA and don't know if you can get this through the PA stores. The cigar of the week is a Puros Indios Maxima.  OK, I know what your thinking "has he gone off the deep end?, I would never pick that cigar".  Well "F" you all, I did !!  This smoke is a nice change of pace.  It is a nice mild/medium smoke that is a mellow change from heavy duty smokes from the last few weeks.  And lets get serious, if you get a spanking all the time it takes the fun out of it. So change it up and take a mild break.  Currently, this smoke is selling at www.cigarsinternational.com for get this ....... $39.95 per box of 20.  Thats only $2 a smoke.  Oooohh..... I see ....... now you are jumping on the bandwagon.

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Ears Lowered

                                                            

Slang term for a hair cut.

Cam routinely gets his ears lowered with the army.

Song of the Week: Johann Sebastian Bach, Toccata and Fugue in D Minor

Notable Accomplishments: Cam got a tattoo. Marco was inducted into his college's Hall of Fame for soccer. Alex had success with the honors college. UM bought a website.  

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Every full moon you turn into what creature?

FWN Member of the Week: Marco!

Trick or treat! Marco picks Trick. His favorite food group is ‘meat’ and he is limited to only ten pushups at max capacity due to many upper body injuries. Lastly, his favorite Halloween costume was a tiger his mom made for him because he kept chasing his own tail in circles.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Abandon the cigarbid ship!

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Alive with the undead

Official Editor

The Grapes of Rap

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 31 Vol 3

Important Holidays: Missed RE Jr & BK anniversary last week, 10-10-10, Columbus Day

Weather:  This week’s forecast includes the attempt to discover uncharted territory: that is, in honor of Columbus day, mixing something atrocious together in an attempt to discover a new and fabulous drink that will make your name as branded as Hennessey. Good luck.

Smokes & Brew Section (By RE Jr): Wine of the week would be Geyser Peak Cabernet Sauvignon Reserve 2006.  This wine is hitting its peak performance, unlike the Pirates, who just don't hit at all.  Very nice black cherry and plum with a good balance of tannins.  Currently at state store for $17.99. Cigar of the week is the Fortress by Carlos Torano.  Lock up the wife and kids before you light up because this Fortress takes no prisoners.  Big and strong, this smoke lives up to its name from the first puff to the last.  This smoke will spank you for 90 minutes, so don't light it up if you can't take a little smacking around.  A great value at about $4 a stick on cigarbid.  

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Masturdating

                                                            

Going out and doing date-type activities by yourself, such as going to the movies.

Last night Carinne masturdated and got a pumpkin beer at the brewery.

Song of the Week: Na, na, na (Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na) My Chemical Romance

Notable Accomplishments: New Jersey finally lifted it’s “boil water” ban.  Nicole won $1000 at Vegas. Cam did maneuvers this week in training and enjoyed them.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   What TV cartoon character (bugs bunny) or cartoon family (The Griffins) would you like to have move in next door to be a neighbor? Note: it’s TV, not movie- so you can’t pick Jessica Rabbit or Cinderella. It’s where the character debuted, so even though the Simpsons have a movie, they started on TV, so it works.

FWN Member of the Week: RE Jr!

If Dad had to dye his hair any unnatural color it would be dark green. His current desktop background is a picture of mum and him in a kayak in Alaska with the Mendenhall Glacier behind us. The most recent song he heard was on WDVE, Bennie and the Jets by Elton John (b-b-b-bennay).When he was in a frat his roles included being in charge of the kitchen for 2 years, house maintenance for 1 year and a pledge trainer once.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: nada

Look for more next time,

C. Paige

Countess de la Riffraff

Official Editor 

Awktoberfest

Family Weekly Newsletter

Issue 30 Vol 3

Important Holidays: BCA Month

Weather:  Vamp up those workouts kids because you’re now in the candy corridor. Pumpkin beer? Yesplease! Pumpkin Latte? Sure! Halloween candy – OHYEA! Thanksgiving- woah, I ate too much. Good grief it’s XMAS already? And suddenly you’re back at swimsuit season, 20lbs heavier looking for the Miracle OnePiece.  

Urbandictionary word of the day:  Mistext

                                                            

Accidentally texting the wrong person or saying the wrong thing. Usually combined with Auto Incorrect (bonus word!), where the automatic spell check corrects items to the wrong thing.

Greggy: (to Bev instead of Barson) Hey R U busty tonight?

Bev: What? WHAT!!

Greggy: Oh sheesh sorry mistext rofl

Song of the Week: Joe Cocker- With a Little Help From My Friends

Notable Accomplishments: Nicole got extensions and is going to Vegas. It is also Nicole and Tim’s 3^rdwedding anniversary, which has the suggested gift of “leather”. BK got on 3^rd base at the softball game. Carinne’s smoke detector mystery remains unsolved, although co-detective Alex rules out spirits because “Jersey is too dirty for ghosts”.

Hypothetical Situation of the Week:   Local celebrity deathmatch. Your pizza delivery man vs your Chinese food delivery man? Who wins?

FWN Member of the Week: Heather!

The most recent song on Heather’s iPod was Come Fly With Me by Michael Buble. Her favorite ride at Kennywood is the exterminator, and her shampoo is thickening with a citrus smell to it. Lastly, given the option of sweating jell-o or ice cream, she’d pick Jell-o.

Thanks! (clap clap clap clap clap)

Classifieds: Make your reservations early for the Family Dead & Breakfast holiday specials…

Look for more next time,

C. Paige 

Countess de la Riffraff

Official Editor